


Blue as a glacier

by kitundercover



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Famous Harry, Famous Zayn, M/M, Normal Louis, a bit of angst, but not too much, harry is ridiculous, louis writes music, neither can ski, niall is just niall, non famous niall, skiing harry, snowboarding louis, tour manager liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-11 05:50:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 71,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3316571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitundercover/pseuds/kitundercover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skiing AU. Harry is the famous singer who's decided to have a go at skiing between tours. Louis is the snowboarder who makes the mistake of taking the lift with him. They go from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never catch a ski pole

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe this is finally finished. It's survived so much! I had no idea there would be so much drama in this fandom :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone whose encouraged me to finish it, and any of you that actually read it!
> 
> I have no beta, but I hope there aren't too many mistakes.

“Hi! Wanna go up together?”

“Umm…” _No_. Louis glanced around at the empty ski lift; awkwardly watching a few poles go past as he tried to decide how to let down this oddly cheerful creature in the vibrant blue ski suit. The silence was starting to make him twitchy. 

“Ok?” _Shit_. His mouth really wasn’t paying attention today. 

Louis hopped into position with one foot off his snowboard and watched his companion shuffle forwards, stumble slightly, and then flail madly with the first pull of the lift. Yeah, this wasn’t likely to end well. 

“I’ve never done this with a snowboarder before!” Blue suit said happily. Louis could feel the dopey smile in those words, even if he couldn’t see it past the scarf and goggles. Oh good. Looks like there was a fall in his immediate future.

 _Eugh_. Louis was not up for talking to this bizarrely optimistic idiot. He turned away and stared up the slope.

_Oh god._

_Shit._

This was the longest ski lift in the world. He couldn’t even see the end. They were going to hover in awkward silence for an eternity. 

Louis sighed into his scarf and tried to forget that he wasn’t alone. He could handle a little silence when the view was this spectacular.

Relaxing back into the lift, he loosened his legs on each side of the tow bar and stretched out his back until it popped. The turquoise/blue of the glacier was glittering as it caught the last few rays of the afternoon sun. Turning slightly, he looked down the slope to the valley below and watched the soft white clouds float beneath them. There would probably be more snow tonight. He sighed again.

The ski lift ticked on quietly.

“… it’s so beautiful.” Blue suit breathed, his voice somehow echoing the deep hush of the mountains.

“It really is.” 

Louis watched the glacier as it disappeared between the peaks. He turned back to his companion. They might as well sort out what was about to happen. Set some ground rules or something. ‘No elbows to the groin’, that sort of thing.

“So how long have you been skiing for?” 

“Umm, I think… Uhh… yeah, six days? You?”

“A week”

“… oh”

“Yeah.” Louis shivered slightly and pulled his scarf up higher over his nose.

“Have you gone up a lift with another person before?” Huh, so blue suit wasn’t completely oblivious then.

“No”

“Oh”

“Yeah”

“… we’re going to fall aren’t we?”

“Absolutely.”

Louis let the awkward silence stretch out longer this time while the lift continued it’s agonizingly slow pull. It was probably a good idea to teach blue suit early on not to share lifts with snowboarders, it was far too complicated. Really he was doing him a favor.

“Well at least we have helmets!” _Wow._ This guy was determined to be positive. It was obviously up to Louis to point out the inevitable.

“Look, we basically have two choices. Either you get off first and I try not to land on you as I fall, or I try to get off, knock you over and you land on me _after_ I fall.”

Blue suit tilted his helmet to the side obviously considering their options. 

“But if you get off first then you might not fall at all.”

“If I get off first will you fall?”

“Definitely.”

“If you fall I fall babe.” The silence stretched out again.

“Well I’m bigger than you, so it would probably be safer if you fell onto me.”

Louis huffed out a laugh.

“Seriously?”

“Yup. So if we’re both going to fall then you can be on top.” That damn smile was back in his voice. 

“How generous” Louis deadpanned.

“Not at all, I like it on the bottom.” Well then. Huh.

“Anyway,” blue suit continued, seemingly oblivious to the less than pure thoughts now running through Louis’ head, “the snow is soft. You don’t look soft.”

Louis choked down his automatic reply and desperately searched for something acceptable to say. Fortunately he was saved from dealing with it by the approaching end of the ski lift. _Finally._

“I guess we’ll find out. Together after three, yeah?”

Blue suit nodded.

“One” Louis looked over. The blue ski suit did look soft at least, although there was no way to know about the body beneath it. 

“Two.” He slid back to the end of the bar.

“THREE!” Blue suit bellowed, violently flinging the bar away from them both and landing a glancing blow to the side of Louis’ helmet. 

Louis watched in resigned fascination as one ski got stuck beneath the other and his travelling companion performed an aborted pivot, flailed his arms around to catch the now-absent bar and kicked out with his suddenly freed leg with a boot that predictably, landed square into Louis’ groin.

•

Harry stared down in horror at the snowboarder who was still writhing in pain in his lap. He’d managed somehow to scoot them out of the way of the lift, and a friendly German lady had brought along his rogue ski, but he was getting no responses to his panicked rambling.

“Please say something… I’m really _really_ sorry. I don’t know what happened. Are you ok? Do you need me to call someone? Should I get the medic? Is there even a medic here…? Oh god I don’t know how to get the medic! I don’t know what to do! I’m _so_ sorry… please be ok… please say something.”

“Oww.”

“Oh my god! You’re alive! Are you ok? Where did I get you?? Are you hurt?”

“ngnngh.. dick.”

“You’re right. You’re completely right, I’m a massive dick, I’m so sorry.” Harry was drowning in guilt, but at least the guy couldn’t be that hurt if he was cursing him right?

The German lady shouted something he couldn’t understand and skied away laughing. He was apparently the only person freaking out on this mountain.

“No… where you got me… dick.”

He got his dick? He got his dick. Oh god, he’d kicked him in the bollocks. Oh no. _That’s even worse._

So he’d effectively sterilized the guy he’d been failing to flirt with then. Fantastic. _Well-done Harry. A new low._

“Shit I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do? I mean I’m not offering to kiss it better or anything… unless that would help? I don’t think that actually helps though. Especially not on the dick. I mean that’s what you do to kids… Not on the dick though! Not kids! Oh god what am I saying!?!” 

The body in his lap started shaking. _Oh holy shit I’ve made him cry, I’m a monster, what am I supposed to do._

Without warning the fortunately-not-dead snowboarder in Harry’s lap sat up and pulled his goggles up onto his helmet.

“You’re completely ridiculous.”

A small part of Harry’s mind was incredibly relived to note that the pair of eyes he could finally see looked like they’d just finished laughing, and not sobbing, but that part was buried deep beneath a new rolling mantra of blue… blue… BLUE… _holy god blue._

“Are _you_ ok? Please tell me you’re not about to have a panic attack… ”

“Panic attack” Harry parroted mindlessly. _Blue._

“Oh shit. Ok. That’s fine. It’s going to be fine. We can deal with this together, ok…? Just try to breathe with me ok? Stay in the present. Do you need me to to take your scarf down so you can get more air.”

_Wait what?_

Harry’s brain finally kicked into gear as small, ungloved hands pressed gently on his shoulders.

“No! I’m fine! I’m good! I’m not panicking!” Wow this just got better and better.

Blue eyes regarded him skeptically.

“You sure? Because you don’t seem calm.”

“NO!” Harry focused on his heated face, shut his eyes and took a breath. “I’m fine, sorry about that. I don’t actually have panic attacks.”

“Oh, Ok.”

“But I’m impressed, you seemed really in control.”

“Well yeah… my mum…” Harry felt a small twist of sympathy for the guy and tried to remind himself that they’d _just met._

“But the same things don’t work for everyone.”

“Well you calmed me down.”

“From the panic attack that you weren’t having?”

“Exactly! My hero.” Harry grinned. Enthusiasm was key. Enthusiasm and positivity could fix anything. Besides, his mom (and several hundred thousand teenage girls apparently) said that his smile could charm the pants off of anyone.

“Are you sure you’re ok, you’ve gone quiet…”

Ah yes, his famous smile, which was currently buried underneath three scarves and a pair of heavily tinted skiing goggles. 

“Yes I’m ok.” Harry rushed out. “Actually I’m more worried about you and your future children.”

“Yeah don’t be. I’m sure it’s nothing that can’t be kissed better.”

Harry laughed, shaking off the last of the awkwardness. “Come on, it’s too cold to sit here.” He scrambled upright and held out his hand pulling blue-eyes to his feet. 

The smaller man nodded at him and pulled out the piste map. “I guess I’ll see you later then, I’m going up the red one.”

Harry stared up at the steep slope and didn’t even consider it; 21 was far too young for him to die. “Yeah ok. Good luck then. Maybe see you at the bottom” 

•

Ok, so Louis had lied. He was in no way about to fall all the way down that crazy red slope, and he was definitely not ok. He experimentally twisted his torso and winced at the shooting pain that ran down his lower belly and across his groin. Jesus. Louis sent out a small prayer that it hadn’t been two inches lower. He stared at the snowboarder he was tracking now halfway down the red piste. Once he reached the bottom then Louis could get up from his hiding place behind the small maintenance cabin and follow blue suit down the blue slope.

He felt his phone vibrate from inside his jacket pocket 

**Mom – 15:06**  
_We’re done. C u at the lodge. Last lift is 4.15 x_

He text back a quick ok and started moving towards the slope. Assuming that he wasn’t internally bleeding then he might manage two more runs before it was time to head down. 

The snow crunched and squeaked beneath his board and a few brightly colored skiers zipped past him, coming down off the red slope with enough momentum to carry them across the flat that Louis was hobbling over, one foot still detached from the board. 

Reaching down he snapped on the second boot and pushed off, focusing all his concentration and muscle power on staying upright. Say what you like about snowboarding, it was fantastic for the ass, and Louis hadn’t honestly needed much help in that area even before he started on this cold adventure. 

It took two falls and a crash for Louis to reach the bottom this time, one fall less than the last time. _Progress!_ He wasn’t counting the small child who had cut him up and sent him plowing off piste.

Louis took out his phone again: 15.40. Still time for one more then. 

This time he took the lift alone and spent the ten minutes quietly watching the mountains. The trip was turning out so differently from what Louis had imagined when his mom had declared that the whole family would be taken on a skiing holiday. He had expected wild parties and racing down mountains with the wind in his face. What he hadn’t expected was peaceful slopes, a sleepy town, and the heavy, gentle, quiet that hung over the place.

The contrast from the previous week was striking. His four younger sisters had been over for February half term, and keeping them entertained and safe had taken almost all of Louis’ not insubstantial energy. Now that the eldest – Lottie, had taken the others back, the chalet seemed so big and empty, and Louis almost felt that he was intruding on his mom and step-dads time together. Part of him wondered if he should have gone back with his sisters to take care of them, but he wasn’t sure if his grandparents would have been grateful or sad at the reprieve. 

The top of the lift loomed, and Louis shuffled to the edge of the bar, slid of, and let his momentum carry him a few steps. _That’s how it’s done._

•

Harry reached the top of the lift with a slight stumble but was otherwise unharmed. His fellow skier moved gracefully away, and Harry would be jealous, if it weren’t for the fact that he had learned that this particular person apparently started her training at age four. Four. Harry was still working out how many legs he was supposed to have at four. 

He stared down the slope searching for the cute guy that he had nearly emasculated. He'd missed him on his last run, but Harry had spotted him sitting in the powder off piste whilst he was on his way up, so he should still be around. The slope was pretty gentle and the snowboarders had to walk for part of it, unlike the skiers, who had poles to push themselves along with. 

A small group of children zipped past following a red-suited ski instructor like ducklings all in a line. Harry watched them for a minute, smiling, before pushing off and making a few controlled turns.

Liam had made him promise on pain of death, or worse, pain of a haircut, not to break any bones. Harry was meant to be touring in a few short weeks, and his tour manager would be livid if he did anything to screw it up. Well, he wouldn’t shout or anything, but he could level cities with his sad-eyed pout if he chose, and Harry was a sucker for beautiful eyes. 

His happy smile widened when he spotted the snowboarder moving slowly towards the slight rise. It was clear that he wouldn’t have enough momentum to get to the top without detaching his board and walking. Harry was halfway down, and if he timed it just right he could hold out his pole and drag him along like he’d seen other skiers doing. Maybe that would make up for planting his overly large boot into the guy’s junk.

_Or maybe not._

Harry pushed off with the courage of a beginner who knew there was an uphill coming to slow him down. He shouted at the snowboarder, his voice high with excitement and miraculously managed to get his attention. The timing was perfect, his trajectory was perfect. With a happy grin, he flew past and held out his ski pole.

•

Louis turned at the strange yelp behind him, just in time to see blue suit come skiing past in a slightly uncontrolled, but fortunately not too fast bundle of chaos. Louis was starting to invent a new rating system for this weirdly charming, ridiculous man. He was currently moving at ‘one chaos’, which meant that as far as Louis could tell there was no immediate danger of a maiming. So far the scale went up to ‘five chaos’, which roughly translated to being kicked in the crotch whilst falling off a ski lift. 

Louis was slightly afraid to see how far the rating scale might go. 

Blue suit started waving his ski pole in front of Louis’ face excitedly. Presumably he was intending to pull Louis along. That worked right? Like, Louis had seen other skiers dragging along snowboarders, so it must be possible. Cautiously he braced his knees, reached out an arm, and caught hold of the pole.

•

It slammed into Harry from the side. He felt his shoulder wrench in its socket and his ribs stretch out to breaking point. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. What was going on? Something had hit him? Something big? He couldn’t breathe! 

Harry’s head spun. He tried and failed to suck in enough oxygen. His chest was on fire. His arm was on fire. _HE COULDN’T BREATHE!_ Dimly he registered voices, but the grey spots danced cruelly across his vision until the rushing in his ears wiped everything away.

•

Louis rolled dazedly on the floor, trying to understand what just happened. The man in the blue suit was in a crumpled heap to his right, being steadily surrounded by people in red. _Had he killed him?_ Oh god, he’d killed him. His right arm was tingling strangely, joining bolts of sensation firing from his lower stomach. He couldn’t quite work out if he was in pain or not. Heat flooded across his side and made his shoulder spasm; but none of that mattered because _Louis had killed him._

With his cloudy, sluggish thoughts he registered that there was someone talking. Something about _Momentum_. Something about _Velocity_. Something about _Weight_. 

He didn’t understand.

They were medics though, that much was obvious. 

He hadn’t known how to contact the piste medics, but it seemed that they just turned up when they were needed. Someone must have called them. An instructor? His mind wandered aimlessly, still failing to understand how he had ended up here. 

Louis batted weakly at the hands that were trying to get him onto a stretcher. 

_I’m fine_ , he tried to say, but he wasn’t sure if it came out at all. 

The ride down to the lifts was comfortable and quiet, pulled along by someone who could clearly ski any piste without falling. Cuddling into the warmth of the weird little sleeping-bag stretcher that he had been forced into, he let his mind wander.

•

Louis’ brain slowly came back online as the pain down his side became more insistent. Unfortunately, it was ultimately dwarfed by the soul crushing embarrassment that crept over him as he registered the cable car full of faces staring down at him. 

“Can I get up?” He asked hesitantly at the red-suited woman who seemed to be in charge of his current health.

“No, you lie until we reach the bottom” Louis took a few moments to process the heavy German accent.

_“Then_ can I get up?” 

“Then you see the doctor” _Eugh._

Louis was saved from further argument by the car running to a stop. Huh, they were at the bottom already? He must have been out of it for a while. 

Once more the stretcher was lifted and this time taken to a small private room where there was a middle-aged man with a stethoscope. Under better conditions Louis might have considered him cute, in an older guy sort of way. Now however, he was simply another captor. 

“Name?”

“Louis, umm, Tomlinson.”

The doctor felt around his neck and asked a few questions about pain before sitting him up.

“Look,” Louis rushed out “I’m really fine. I’m so, so sorry that this happened, but I’m fine and I don’t want to take up your time. You should be looking after the other guy; I think he was really hurt. Why isn’t he here?” 

The doctor spoke slowly with perfect English and a faint French accent. 

“He’s at the hospital.”

_Oh shit. Oh god._

“Oh my god, is he going to be ok? Oh god, did I kill him??!”

The doctor chuckled and started prodding Louis’ shoulder. 

“He needs an X-ray to check his chest. You were both very lucky; nothing dislocated. It was a dangerous stunt you pulled.”

Louis felt his insides twist in shame.

“I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know. I thought it would be ok.”

The doctor smiled again and pulled at Louis’ arm, lifting it up over his head. 

“You might be surprised at how often this happens.”

The doctor finally finished his probing and sat back. 

“It seems you are going to live Mr. Tomlinson, but try not to copy any more stunts you see on TV.”

Oh this was humiliating. Louis hadn’t felt this shit about himself in a long time. Not since he was 19 and had accidentally emailed tentacle porn to his vocal composition tutor, instead of his final piece.

He walked dejectedly, and not a little painfully out of the office and filled in the paperwork that the insurance would need to cover the doctor. His mom was going to be mad. Or she would laugh her ass off. Neither thing seemed particularly inviting right now. Louis sulked, cursing blue-suited idiots as he skulked back to the chalet.

His chaos scale now had a new entry at number 10. Shame he wasn’t likely to see the guy again.


	2. Red means stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter:
> 
> Louis is pretty sure that the guy in the ridiculous blue suit must have scales on his face or something,  
> Harry is just trying to stay anonymous for as long as possible,  
> Niall is a bigger Larry fan than any of us,  
> Zayn is a sexy designer/model.
> 
> And Liam... well Liam isn't in it yet. But he will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still un-beta'd, so there will be mistakes.
> 
> For anyone confused about skiing, there's some notes at the bottom  
> 

Wild Irish laughter filled the chalet, tearing through the sulk that Louis had been wallowing in. He grinned a little.

“I guess it’s a bit funny.”

“Oh man. Oh man, this is amazing.”

“I thought I’d killed him Niall! I honestly, seriously though he was dead.”

Louis watched his best friend through the small Skype window roll around on his bed with glee. 

Trust Niall to find his trauma hilarious.

“It’s not funny Niall, I was terrified!”

“That’s the best part!!”

Louis waited for the blonde Irishman to calm down, absently poking at his large boot-shaped bruise. 

“I’m sorry man, but at least you have a great story.”

“True.” Louis brightened. Everyone loved a good story, and he was the greatest storyteller out there. This one even had a sound basis in fact.

“You should try to find him again mate, this would be the best story to tell your grandkids” 

“Assuming that he likes guys, he’s single, we actually liked each other and he wasn’t _extremely pissed_ at me for nearly killing him?” The odds were not in his favor for this fairytale. 

“Yeah. Exactly.”

“Oh for gods sake Niall.”

“What. You said he had a nice voice yeah? And he’s tall, which you like. He flirted with you, so he probably likes guys. And you’re adorable. Everyone likes you.”

“I’m a sarcastic liar who has as many enemies as friends Niall.”

Niall laughed again. “True. But you’re like marmite. We either love you or hate you, and Harry seems to be on team Louis.” Louis had a feeling that his team only had one member currently, and that was the idiot on his computer. 

“I’m not even sure he was flirting. He was probably just making a joke. A gay joke. He’s probably a homophobe.” Louis hadn’t even considered that before his mouth ran away from him. This is why he shouldn’t be allowed to talk. 

“Nah, impossible. You said he sat there for five minutes with you in his lap. Anyway, I’ve seen how you snowboarders get on the lift. You straddle the bar right? No homophobe’s gonna want your pretty face that close. It would be too sexually confusing.”

“I haven’t even seen his face.” Ok, so Louis was just whining now, but if you couldn’t complain to your best friend then what was the point of anything?

“Louis man” Niall sighed. “This is going to be amazing. Just let it happen. It’s fate. You will see him again. You will be separated tragically, and then you’ll find each other again, get married, and have lots of babies. Just trust uncle Niall.”

Louis chuckled, but decided to push on with his complaining. “And the fact that he’s pissed at me?”

“No-one can stay pissed at you Louis. It’s a fact of human nature. You’re just too beautiful.”

“Niall, I nearly ripped his arm off.” Louis wondered if he even did want to see him again. It was bound to be disastrous. 

“Yeah well, that’s how these stories always start isn’t it.”

•

Harry stared out the window at the base of the wide blue piste, 10a. The safest place on the mountain. _Not Harry-proof though_ , he thought somewhat bitterly. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, coming back to the scene of the crime, but really it was the only good place for learning. And since Zayn, his supposedly best mate had abandoned him yet again; it was really the only option.

The chalet he was in was mostly deserted, and he seemed to be safe from prying eyes for now. So long as he came after the lunch rush and kept his head down he wasn’t usually recognized, and for those few times that he had been, the girls (and a handful of moms and dads who honestly seemed more interested in him than their children, despite his demographic) had been good enough to promise not to post anything for two weeks. So far they seemed to be proving trustworthy. Now he just had to hope that the hospital would manage to keep it quiet that _Harry Styles_ had been involved in a skiing accident. Thank goodness nothing was broken. Liam would probably have pinned him down and shaved his hair off if he’d damaged the goods.

Harry rested his head on his hand. That wasn’t fair. Liam was a good friend, and honestly, if anyone besides his mother cared for Harry’s mental and physical wellbeing then it was Liam. It was just that… it had been so long since Harry had felt normal. But this break was doing him good, he thought. Apart from the slightly overzealous hotel security, he seemed to be blending in. 

Focusing once more out of the window he suddenly spied a familiar snowboarder walking slowly towards the lift. 

_Blue eyes._

Harry cheered up immediately. It was fate then. Clearly a higher power wanted him and this beautiful man together. Besides, he should probably apologize for nearly dismembering him.

Hurriedly, he rammed on his helmet, pulled down his goggles, and walked awkwardly out the door. Dammit, there was just no way to be suave in ski boots. 

Moving as fast as he was able, he grabbed his skis and hobbled his way up the small slope to the lift, sliding and cursing and almost ending up with a face full of snow. _Just act casual, there’s no way he saw that_. Harry panted into his scarf, cringing as his breath soaked the fabric.

“So you lived then.”

Harry jumped and spun round. Damn, blue-eyes was stealthy, and blue-eyes was _fast._

“Hi. Umm… Hi. Err… yes. I did. I lived. I‘m alive. And so are you! Which is good, that you’re… alive.” Harry stammered. Playing it cool was apparently not on his agenda for the day.

“I’m so sorry…”,  
“I’m really reall…” They both started at the same time.

“You go.” Harry blushed behind his scarf.

“I just wanted to say that I’m really, really sorry,” Harry could hear the contrition in the other man’s voice. “I didn’t think. I just thought I would get pulled along. I study music, not physics! I don’t understand… inertia? They said? I don’t even know if you even wanted me to grab that pole…”

“I did.” Harry jumped in quickly. He wasn’t the one that should be apologizing. 

“I did,” he repeated, “and uhh… I actually work in music too, and also have no idea about physics. And even if I did, I don’t think I would have actually thought about it in that moment. I just assumed I could pull you along.”

Harry sighed and looked at the floor.

“This whole thing was completely my fault. I’m truly sorry. Are you injured?”

“Look…” and now blue-eyes was studying the floor as well. The snow was remarkably interesting today. “I honestly don’t blame you. Neither of us apparently understands what happens when a fast moving object hits a stationary one. And I’m fine. Really, I’m a bit bruised, but no real harm done. How about we start again.”

The man held out his hand and Harry took it with relief. He wasn’t sure that he deserved to be forgiven that easily, but he would take it all the same. 

“Want to try this again? I think I’ve got it sorted now” Harry nodded to the lift as he secured his skis.

The other man hesitated for a second and then shrugged. “Sure. Makes a better story.”

Story? For a panicked second Harry thought that his cover had been blown. But there was just _no way_ that this man could have recognized him. There wasn’t. _Get it together Styles._ He scolded himself.

Harry moved forwards first this time, and the two were silent as the lift began to pull.

“So music yeah?” It was a slightly risky topic, but Harry was a gambling sort of guy. Well. Sort of. He’d definitely lost his heart a few times.

“Yeah,” the snowboarder laughed, “I know it’s a bit stupid, and practically no-one makes money in songwriting, but it’s what I want to do. I love it.” He shrugged. “And I think it’s worth the risk to do something you love.”

 _Harry_ was in love. “Absolutely! I completely agree.” Seeing as he was already gambling he might as well go all in. “So what kind of music do you like?”

“Like or write?” blue-eyes said happily.

“Both, obviously.” Harry would give a lot to see this guys face right now. He could only image what those eyes looked like lit up with excitement. 

He wouldn’t mind being the cause of that excitement. 

“Hmm, well honestly, I like a lot of things. I know everyone says that but it’s true. When I write I try to bring in as many different types of music as I can. For my final piece at undergrad I combined death metal with swing. It was pretty awesome, my tutor didn’t really know what to do with it though.” He laughed again. Harry was getting addicted to that sound. “But lately I’ve actually been writing pop… Mostly ballads and things. There’s just something so beautiful about a stripped-down ballad.” 

“Can I hear one?” Harry asked eagerly.

“Sure, why not. I’m not shy. I’ll bring you something tomorrow. We could meet up at lunch?”

“Oh, well I…” Harry wasn’t ready yet for this guy to see his face. He was a music student. The chances of being recognized were much too high. “I always go to lunch at the hotel… I have some friends here, and I won’t see them otherwise. But afterwards maybe?”

“Sure.” _I think that worked_. The guy didn’t sound offended.

“So you want to be a songwriter then? You don’t want to perform?”

“Well of course performing would be fun. But if you want to sell big enough to live off it then I’d have to write songs that I don’t want too. And I’d probably have to change some pronouns around as well.” What was that? Harry did an internal fist pump. That meant gay right? Surely it did. 

“So you don’t approve of the Top 40?” He asked cautiously. 

“I didn’t say that. I can understand doing whatever it takes to have a career in music. I would just rather be myself in front of a few hundred people than be someone else in front of millions.” _Ouch._

“If I had the chance”, Harry said hesitantly, “I would only sing the songs I believed in.” _If I had the chance._ “And I would do whatever it took to stay true to myself.” _And I have. Even if the public don’t see it._

“You wouldn’t sell out then? Let yourself be molded into the perfect pop star and start selling perfume?” Harry tried to keep it light, but he was really regretting this topic choice. _Sell out. Manufactured. Fake. Talentless._ His critics echoed in his head.

“I could totally sell perfume.” He forced out a laugh. “It’d be sporty and fresh, and I’d call it Harry, for him or for her.” And in fact, it would be coming out in around a month. Just in time for the new tour promo. Ok, so maybe he couldn’t sing exactly what he wanted to, and maybe he has been forced so far in the closet that he was choking on the dust, but there was literally _nothing_ he could do about it. He had a contract to fulfill, a contract he’d signed before he properly understood what a ‘morality clause’ was. 

_Just 10 months. Just 10 more months._ Then it was over. His contract was up, and he would have to decide where his life was heading.

“Mmm, for him _or_ for her?” Blue-eyes knocked him out of his thoughts.

“I’m not about to add to gender stereotyping.” Harry was absolutely serious. If one more interviewer complimented him for not being afraid of acting ‘girly’ he was going to scream at them… Then watch his management edit out the mess. He sighed. Maybe he was locked into an iron contract, but at least this small thing, he could do.

“Good on you mate… Harry. But is perfume really the way to go? Pretty sure you need to sell big before you get to the pointless fragrances.” _Ouch again._

“Hey! I can sell out stadiums!” Harry said indignantly. He had chosen to go back to arenas this tour. To be closer to the fans. 

“… you can?” 

_Shit._ “No! I mean.., maybe. I mean… I could?” _Nice save Harry._

“Good for you mate. You won’t get far if you don’t believe in yourself.” Well that was lucky. 

Time for a topic change.

“So …” Harry suddenly realized that he had nothing to complete that sentence with.

“Hang on, you didn’t tell me your name.”

“Huh, I guess I didn’t”.

“So now you have to tell me!”

“Oh I _have_ to tell you do I?”

Harry was an idiot. He’d never find out now. “Very pleased to meet you,” He tried, curling his upper body into a poor excuse for a bow. “I would be eternally grateful if you would do me the honor of telling me your name?”

The man laughed again. Harry mentally patted himself on the back.

Unfortunately, the joy was short lived.

As Harry straightened he felt one of his skis start to head in the wrong direction.

_Oh crap._

He tried to pick up his foot, but his legs had already spread impossibly wide. Well, impossible for him anyway. Impossible as in: _oh god I’m being ripped in half._ That sort of impossible. 

A sense of calm filled him as his knees began to buckle. At least the snow was soft.

Harry was puled up short however, by a hand firmly twisted in his jacket.

“Doing the splits then?” Blue-eyes hauled him upright in a surprising display of strength.

Harry stared longer than was probably appropriate.

“My hero!” He grinned, finally recovering his balance and turning to stare up-piste. 

“I…” What ever else he was about to say died on his tongue. “…hey, I can see the end.” 

Blue-eyes turned his head. “So I see. Is it time for the who falls first talk again?”

Harry laughed. “No, I think I’ve got it this time. I practiced a few times after… umm…”

“After you offered to kiss my cock better?” _Ruthless._

“Exactly.” Harry was trying for flippant, but it came out as an embarrassed squeak. He was 90% sure that he was being laughed at right now.

“Well ok then… in that case. See you on the other side.” The man-with-no-name slid to the edge of the pole.

“Wait!” Harry exclaimed dramatically. “Before the end, I must know one thing!”

Snowboarder hesitated. “What?”

“Your name!” Harry laughed out, as he scooted to the edge of the pole and waited patiently, pretending that they weren’t rapidly sailing towards the snow bank at lifts-end.

“Louis.” Blue-eyes laughed. “It’s Louis.”

 _Louis._ Time to get this show on the road then. With that, Harry slid off the lift, caught the bar with his free hand and allowed it to pull him a short distance. Once he was sure of his stability, he turned as gracefully as he was able and laughed again when he saw Louis in a heap on the floor. 

“Here” he offered his hand. “My turn to save you. Louis.”

•

Louis was starting to worry that Niall could be right. And that was never a good thing. It was just that Harry was… well, just so _Harry._

After their second lift-fall, they’d spent the rest of the day together, both trying hopelessly to stay on their feet. And if Louis was completely honest with himself, Harry was kind of awesome. He liked good music, he was fun, he didn’t seem to mind Louis’ teasing… He joked when he fell over, and he fell over a lot. Louis was pretty sure that Harry was still working out how to use his legs. 

Yet despite that, Louis was not about to retract his previous judgment that Harry was also clearly, and endearingly, ridiculous. 

_And I still haven’t seen his face._

Louis wasn’t completely oblivious. There was a lot you could tell from beneath a ski suit. Plus, he asked questions. It had become sort of a game for them to try to guess things about the other. So Louis knew Harry was 21, he knew he was tall and slim, he knew from his guessing that he had green eyes, and from a loose strand of hair that it was brown.

Louis liked Harry. And he was pretty sure that Harry liked him too. There was just one problem. For some reason Harry didn’t want to show his face. Perhaps he was just shy? Or maybe he had scars? Or some skin disease or something? Whatever it was, Louis was pretty sure he could deal with it. He just had to make sure that Harry knew that he wasn’t shallow. 

He needed a plan. 

He needed Niall. 

•

Harry checked his hair in the mirror one last time and headed out to face the music. Or in this instance, Zayn, and his inescapable fashion critiques. 

“I’m ready. Let’s go.”

“Yeah, no. I’ll be the judge of that. Come here.” Zayn dragged Harry under the light and eyed him critically, shaking his head.

“The shirt.”

“There is nothing wrong with this shirt. You bought me this shirt!”

“And don’t get me started on the headscarf.”

“It’s Alexander McQueen!”

“It’s not the clothes Harry, it’s how you wear them.” _Why do I bother having friends again?_ “Don’t worry. I can fix this.” Well at least there was that. 

Harry stood patiently while he was poked and prodded, his sleeves pushed up and his shirt buttoned to his nipples. 

“But I like it undone!” He protested.

“Harry, there’s a fine line between rock star and porn star. We have to make sure you stay on the right side of it.”

“You don’t think I could do porn?” Harry teased, jutting out his hips and pouting.

Nadine walked in from the bedroom and gave him a once over. “Babe, you were born for porn. Just say the word and we make it happen.”

“Thanks for the support love, I’m glad someone believes in me.” He glared over at Zayn, who rolled his eyes and began re-tying the headscarf.

“We’ve all seen the monster you’re packing Harry. It’s a miracle we get you to put on clothes at all.”

“Thanks man!”

“So,” Nadine grinned, “want me to make the call?”

“And how would it look if your boyfriend decided to become a porn star? You know I think I might, just for the story.” Harry smirked. “I can see the headlines now: ’Model fails to satisfy rock star boyfriend’.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and stalked sexily across the room, crowding into his personal space. _Hmm, a Zayn-Nadine sandwich. Promising._

“You look beautiful as ever,” he drawled, looking slowly down at her short grey kimono-dress and black heels.

“Harry, you couldn’t handle me.” She whispered, a breath away from his lips. He managed to hold her heavy gaze for a few seconds before laughing, breaking character.

“You’re probably right. I could handle the boobs, but I’m not so sure about the bits below the waist.” 

Harry was seriously grateful that the girls chosen for him to ‘date’ had all been super nice so far. _And supportive._ Cara still sent him pictures of hot male models when she thought he might be interested. 

Taylor had been a bit of a strain, but after listening to the songs she wrote about him he realized that maybe he wasn’t the only one who was suffering during that stunt. They could have been friends maybe. He made a mental note to call her and have a real chat. 

“…and your done.” Zayn stepped back to survey his work. “Nice job.”

“Are you complimenting me or you?”

“Please, you would look homeless without me.” 

It was a good job Harry wasn’t proud. Although, if he were honest, Zayn was probably right. It was a difficult look that he tried to pull off, and he’d be the first to admit that he occasionally, well, failed. 

“Ok boys,” Nadine draped herself over them both, “game faces on please.”

•

“I’M JUST SAYING,” Zayn shouted far too loudly into Harry’s ear “YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL”.

Nadine nodded along, where she was pressed close behind him on the dance floor. The small room was packed and noisy, and Harry loved it. Somehow, here amongst the press of tired skiers, drunken holidaymakers, and health freaks he had become anonymous. 

“I’M ALWAYS CAREFUL!” He shouted back much too loudly. 

“HARRY YOU ARE A DISASTER!” Nadine yelled.

“A WHAT?!?!”

“A DISASTER!”

Zayn and Nadine pressed themselves either side of him, protecting him from the crowds. 

“YES!!!!!!!” Harry trilled “A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER!” He threw his head back and laughed at the ceiling. This trip was _beautiful. His friends were _beautiful_. And Louis. Louis was something else._

•

It was an exhausted but happy trio that made their way back to the hotel that night. 

“You just… need to be careful mate, yeah? You fall too fast. Le's not make it my full time job to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.”

Harry sashayed drunkenly down the hallway and though about that for a minute.

“That. Was poetic as _fuck._ I’m gonna use that.”

“I want credit, on the next album. Don’t forget us little people when you’re big and famous” Zayn mumbled sleepily. 

Harry tried for a witty remark, but his brain was foggy with alcohol and sleep. “K.” He managed. Nadine took out their room key and somehow fitted it into the door. 

“Come on boyfriend, let’s go t’bed. Tomorrow we make a plan to get your boy.”

“He’s nt my boy.” Harry managed, crashing into the king-size bed.

Nadine smacked him clumsily on the arm and made a soft noise of protest, heading towards her own room. 

“N’t yet.” Harry corrected

“That’s m’ boy”

•

“So, fun night out?” Louis was a little perturbed by the waves of silence coming from Harry this afternoon. Not that he expected to be constantly entertained or anything, but hung-over-Harry would up his position on the chaos scale, so it was important to know where they stood.

Also, he’d spent the night discussing plans with Niall to make sure that Harry knew he wasn’t shallow or anything. You know. In case there was something… surprising, about Harry’s face, so he needed to find a way of crow-baring that into the conversation.

“Yeah. Uhh… Sorry, my mind was somewhere else.”

“I can see that. Don’t worry though, I have the best remedy.”

“Oh yeah?” Louis could hear that smile again, so Harry couldn’t be too hung over.

“Yeah. You wanted to hear some of my songs!” Louis held out a pair of headphones from within his jacket pocket. 

“Brilliant!” Harry exclaimed, looking down at the headphones, his gloves, and the pole of the lift that he was hanging onto. They’d got the dismount sorted, but Harry was still a little wary. Louis could practically hear the frown.

“Don’t worry love, I’ve got this one… so long as you don’t mind me poking around your face… ?”

“Not at all!” Harry chirped. “Feel free to poke things in my face any time!”

_Ok. Mind out of the gutter please._

So he didn’t mind his face being touched. That was interesting. Louis filed that piece of information away in his mental ‘what is Harry hiding’ folder.

“Can you hold these?” Louis handed over his bulky gloves without waiting for a reply.

He leaned forwards and began working the scarf down between Harry’s helmet and ear. No. Not scarf. _Scarves._

“Jesus Harry, were you trying to mummify yourself?”

“I don’t want to get cold! I really can’t afford to get sick right now.” 

“If you say so… SUCCESS!” Louis cheered as he finally managed to uncover a small pink ear. A very nice pink ear, he noted, with no apparent skin condition, or unusual colors.

“Ok, turn your head so we can do the other one.”

“Seriously?” Harry sounded a little nervous, but Louis was not about to budge on this.

“Yes, _seriously_ Harold. This is my very own music and it will be heard in stereo or not at all.”

“That’s not my name.” Harry chuckled, but obediently turned his head.

_Good boy._

Louis fumbled a little, but the pair miraculously stayed upright and he cheered a little in victory as he managed to get the second earphone into another decidedly normal ear.

“Ok, here we go.” Louis pressed play and then waited a little uncomfortably. He really should have brought a splitter so they could listen together. 

The lift ticked slowly past the glacier, sunlight catching on the blue ice. If he had to see this same view again he would probably cry. Time to propose a new piste. 

He shut his eyes, listening to the tinny music escape the headphones. As the sound finally faded to a stop he pulled gently on the chord, freeing Harry’s ears.

“So what did you think?” Louis tried to act casual as he carefully pulled the scarves back up around Harry’s face. _Please like it._

“Louis it was beautiful.” Harry almost whispered. “It was so beautiful. I’d love to sing something like this. It’s an amazing song.”

Louis blushed into his scarf.

“Thanks.” He whispered back.

“You must have really loved the person you wrote it for.” 

“I didn’t…” Louis hesitated, not sure of how much he should give away. “It wasn’t about anyone in particular. I haven’t really dated… in a while. It’s just… it’s what I think love should be. Love should make you strong.”

“Then the person you end up with is extremely lucky.”

Louis blushed again. “And that was extremely cheesy, love.”

•

Louis was staring down the slope ahead with trepidation. 

“I don’t think I can ride that lift again Harry, I’m going crazy”.

He heard Harry sigh behind his mountain of scarves. “You may be right.” He replied. “We need another blue.” 

They poured over the piste map, huddling close together. 

“This one.” Louis pointed at a long blue on the opposite slope. “We just need to get there.”

“We could go down this one” Harry gestured to the piste they were on, “and then take that fork. Then we can get the lift.” 

Louis considered their options.

“That one’s red though.”

“Yeah, but it’s short, and probably wide… they’re all wide on this side. We can just walk if it gets too steep. Anyway. That’s the only way we can go without going all the way to the bottom.”

Louis shrugged. “Alright Harold. You’ve convinced me. Don’t die.”

The two of them pushed off, gliding smoothly towards the fork. Louis took one last look at Harry before decisively skiing down past the red poles.

•

This was ok, Harry thought. The slope was wide and not so steep. _You can do this. Just go slow._ He re-started his skiing mantra in his head.

_Sit straight, bum down, turn body, sit straight, bum down, turn body…_

He watched as Louis picked up speed to get over the slight rise ahead. He was looking much more comfortable than the day they met. Good enough that Harry was worried it wouldn’t be long before Louis left him to do harder slopes.

Louis glided to the top of the rise, waved his arms slightly…

And disappeared.

•

_Shit fuck, god, shit help, fuckity shit balls, oh god, help, shit!_

Louis brain screamed profanities at him as he was hurled down the slope. 

_Dammit fucking gravity!!_

This wasn’t right! His board was in breaking position! 

_Why wasn’t he breaking!!!!_

Oh god this piste was evil, it was EVIL! Louis kept staring down at his board, parallel to the snow and put every last bit of his energy into staying in control. 

The wind tugged at his scarf and his eyes stung behind his goggles. 

And suddenly…

It was over. 

Louis slowed to a stop and finally let himself crumple at the side of the slope. He panted into the snow.

_Flat ground. Oh god, thank you._

Louis could feel his whole body shaking. That piste was evil. No one could ski that. No one. He and Harry were idiots.

_Oh god. Harry._

Louis slowly turned his head, afraid of what he might see, but there was nothing. He squinted. A few experienced skiers zipped past. 

Wait, no. Halfway up there was something. A cloud of snow? 

He heard it, before he saw it. 

”AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

As the snowball came closer Louis picked out the figure in the middle. 

_Shit! Harry!_

“LLLLOOOOUUUUUUIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!”

 _Oh god. Harry!_ Louis watched in horror as his new friend flew towards him, completely out of control. 

_Fuck, he’ll be killed! He’ll ski into an ice crevasse! What am I supposed to do!_

As the snowball hurtled towards him Louis did the most cowardly and shameful thing that he thought he had probably ever done in his life. 

_He shut his eyes._

“LLLLOOOUUUIIISSSS!!!!!” He scream got louder, and abruptly. Stopped.

The ringing in Louis’ ears faded slowly into the sound of hysterical laughter.

 _What?_ Louis’ mind was numb.

He winked one eye open, the other following when nothing too terrifying happened. 

Harry was lying on his back, laughing uncontrollably, skis in his... hands? Had he... had he just skied the whole piste on his ass??!

“What??” Louis managed weakly.

“That was amazing! Oh my god let’s do it again!!”

“What!?” Louis suddenly regained his senses with aching clarity. “Oh my god you are actually insane! What is wrong with you!?! I thought you were going off the edge!!! I was terrified!! I thought you were going to die!!” 

The laughter died down into quiet chuckles.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry Louis.” Harry took a few deep breaths. “That was brilliant.” He laughed again. 

Louis pulled up his goggles to stare at this insane specimen. “You my friend are certifiable.”

“Ooh, big words.” 

Louis would have been offended at that if it weren’t the moment when Harry finally, _finally,_ took off his goggles.

The staggering green eyes might have made his knees week, if he weren’t already in a shaking heap on the floor.

"I feel like I was hit by a bus.” He moaned weakly.

Harry grinned at him. “Give me your phone.” He demanded. Louis obediently surrendered his mobile. “Ok, here’s my number. There’s a spa at my hotel, and we’re going tonight. We need to recover.”

“Ok.” He lay back onto the snow. This was all too much.

“Good.” The green eyes were frowning. _Don’t frown._ “Are you ok?” Harry asked quietly.

“Yes.” Louis replied firmly, finally pulling himself together and getting to his feet. Do you want to get a drink now?

Harry seemed to hesitate, but then shook his head.

“Can’t,” he said, and Louis though he sounded a little sad. Or maybe he was just hoping. “I have to meet a friend… I forgot about it.” Harry pulled his goggles back on and stood.

“Oh, ok.” They walked in silence to the chalet by the lifts. “See you later then?”

“You’d better call.”

Louis smiled to himself. He’d managed to completely forget Niall’s plan to convince Harry that looks weren’t important, but apparently it didn’t matter. He had a phone number, he had a date, and he'd skied a red without dying. Life was good.

•

“Harry this is impossible. This place is harder to find than the fountain of fucking youth. Are you hiding from the law or something? Is that why you never go to lunch?”

Harry winced on the other side of the telephone. _You’re about to find out just how close that comment was._

He forced out a laugh and went back to the directions.

“Ok, see the trees? Take the dirt road running through the middle.” There was a lengthy pause.

“… are you sending me into the middle of a forest to be murdered? _Harry?_ Is this your revenge for me nearly killing you??”

Harry laughed for real this time. 

“Seriously Louis, stop questioning me. Follow the path, the hotel is right around the corner.”

Harry hesitated for the millionth time, wondering whether he should confess over the phone, but he couldn’t help wanting to hang on to his anonymity for as long as possible. Everything would change when Louis saw him for the first time. How could it not? And then there was the pathetic dark voice in his head that whispered that Louis _might not even recognize him,_ and maybe he could pretend, just for a little while to be normal. Harry would confess eventually. Of course he would. But later. Much later. When they knew each other. 

“It’s beautiful…” Louis broke him out of his thoughts. He must be outside already. Too late for warnings. 

“I’m in the reception, ok?” Harry hung up quickly before he started rambling. 

_Show time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So skiing:
> 
> Pistes (ski slopes) are color coordinated.
> 
> Blue = easiest  
> Red = medium  
> Black = hardest  
> Yellow = powder
> 
> The type of ski lift here is a T-bar lift and it’s made up of 2 bars in an upside-down ‘T’. If you ski, the horizontal bar goes just under your bum and pushes you along. You do not sit on it; you stand on the floor on your skis and slide, facing forwards. If you snowboard however, you detach one foot from the board and have a leg either side of the bar, facing sideways and inwards. 
> 
> A skier sharing one of these with a snowboarder is not easy at all, and for a beginner it’s fucking stupid.
> 
> After a week and a bit of solid skiing it is possible to tackle easy reds. Not for everyone, but some people can. Difficulty can be really variable. Not all colors are equal. Some reds are crazy hard for a beginner. Narrow slopes are hard because beginners do wide turns. Narrow turns take a lot more skill.
> 
>  
> 
> In case anyone is interested, this is set in Saas Fee, which is a real place in German speaking Switzerland. The tale of the evil red is also based on real-life events. I decided to risk this particular red with a friend and it is honestly the piste of Satan. It’s stupidly steep. My friend ended up sliding the whole way down on her butt…
> 
> In the next chapter… naked saunas! No smut though. Oh no. First they must pine. Poor bastards. I’m going to torture them.


	3. Don't sweat it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: 
> 
> Harry is careless,   
> Louis is embarrassed,   
> Zayn is exasperated,   
> Niall is a good friend,   
> and Liam... Liam still isn't in it. Goddammit Liam, where on earth are you.
> 
> I just want the five of them to be together! Why is that so hard!? Every time I try to make them meet up they just wander off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing.
> 
> I mean, I have the whole thing planned out and all, but I don't understand how to make writing words good happen to story.

“… Louis?”

_Two eyebrows. Nose. Pink, pink mouth._

_Huh._ Louis thought.

_Well._

The man took a step forwards from where he’d been casually leaning on the wall near the reception desk. Those familiar green eyes were framed flawlessly by messy brown curls, gently brushing just below his shoulders. His mouth was a perfect cupids bow with a pouting lower lip that was making Louis dizzy. He spared a moment to thank Harry’s parents for procreation done right. 

The man in front of him was beautiful.

The man in front of him was _Harry Fucking Styles._

Harry Styles. 

Womanizer, lothario, superstar, pop prince, all-around-nice-guy and a million other things. 

But definitely. 

Definitely. 

Not. 

Gay.

…

_Well._

Time stood still for a while, looked around and scratched himself. Louis was staring. He knew he was, but what was he supposed to do? The harsh white light of the hotel lobby was doing nothing to ease the full on assault of this man standing in front of him. 

_Harry Styles. Shit._

Harry Styles, who was looking more and more panicked as the silence dragged out, tapping his foot nervously and running a hand through his hair in repetitive, jerky motions. Louis could actually feel the awkward in the air. 

_Dammit you idiot, say something!_ He cursed his blank brain. 

“You don’t have scales!” _Oh bravo._

Harry’s beautiful forehead crinkled in confusion and he reached up to touch his face self-consciously.

“…no?”

“Sorry! That was stupid! Obviously not… you don’t… your not… I just, I didn’t know why you kept hiding your face? I thought maybe your skin? Or teeth? Or something? I didn’t think… Yeah.” Louis was seriously missing the scarf and goggles to hide his blush behind, and judging by the scarlet of Harry’s face, he wasn’t the only one. 

_Jesus Louis stop making it awkward._ Panic babbling was Harry’s style, not his. 

_Right… Harry. This is Harry. We know Harry – he wears three scarves at once and falls over a lot. Get it together._ Louis squared his shoulders and closed the distance from where he had apparently been standing slack-jawed in the hotel doorway. Several guests gave him judgmental looks as they headed out into the cold.

“Sorry. Sorry.” He mumbled, not really sure who he was addressing, but at least sure that an apology was needed. Finally reaching Harry after the most embarrassing walk _of his life,_ Louis held out his hand. “Let’s do this again. I’m Louis… Tomlinson. Nice to finally see your face.”

Harry smiled at that, and Louis was relieved to see the worried lines on his forehead fade a little. He still looked a bit blank as he took Louis’ hand, but they could work on that.

“Harry. Harry Styles.” The taller man shuffled his feet self-consciously. _Of course you are._ Now that he was expecting it, Louis couldn’t understand how he’d missed that gorgeous voice, _and those eyes_. Louis wasn’t exactly a fanboy but he knew who Harry Styles was. 

Harry grinned bashfully. “But I guess you already knew that, unless you usually meet people with your mouth hanging open?”

Louis’ mouth fell open again. 

“Maybe I was just hoping you’d put something in it.” He retaliated. Not a great line, but it was better than ‘you don’t have scales’. _Jesus fuck, Louis._

He watched the red flush creep back across the face of this ridiculous, straight pop star. _It’s just Harry,_ he reminded himself. Harry; the idiot in the blue suit. Who apparently, blushed remarkably easily. It shouldn’t change anything just because thousands of girls would probably claw out his eyes to get to where he was right now. _Tens of thousands._ He thought with a shudder. _Or even millions?_

Sure, it was sad that he now had confirmation of the whole, straight, thing, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends. At least he’d have something nice to look at. He tore his gaze away from the man’s face and focused on the rest of Harry, from his large bare feet – _what, pop-stars don’t wear shoes?_ – up over long legs and jeans so tight they must be painful, to his plain white shirt that hung loosely over broad shoulders. Oh yes, here was something very nice to look at. 

Louis could honestly have stared all day, but Harry was refusing to make eye contact, and that panicked frown was back, along with the nervous hair combing. 

Eugh, this was awkward. He was going to have to fix it. 

Louis hated having to fix things. It implied that he was somehow _at fault._

He took another step forwards, invading Harry’s space and poked a finger into his chest. “So, pop-star, you promised me relaxation. Are you going to deliver or are you all talk?” He offered, grinning a little and attempting to look harmless. Direct was best, he decided. Get it all out there in the open.

Harry looked a little surprised as he finally met Louis’ eyes, but it quickly gave way to a wide smile. “I always deliver,” he said lightly, in his slow deep voice, “I’m _actually_ famous for it.” Louis let out a surprised laugh, more in relief than because it was in any way funny. Excellent. Direct was always best.

From this close he could see the tiny imperfections on Harry’s face, and just a hint of stubble across his upper lip. He should probably step back now. Right now. Any time. Soon.

Harry’s eyes darted across Louis’ face. Eyes, lips, eyes, lips, eyes, lips… cheeks? It would be too easy to read into that… so simple to let himself believe that this man was interested in him. But Louis knew better. Harry was _straight_. He probably even had a girlfriend. 

He sighed wistfully and took a step back, plastering an only slightly fake grin on his face. 

“Ready?” He said.

But apparently Harry wasn’t done torturing him yet. The younger man pouted and stalked forwards, taking back Louis’ much-needed space. He looked up through his eyelashes slyly, his lips curving into something sultry that made Louis’ insides itch. Mirroring Louis’ earlier move he placed a finger on his chest and leant forwards to whisper into the breath between them. “Come with me.” Beckoning with one finger, he stepped back slowly, swaying his hips. 

Louis mouth went dry. _You win Styles._

He would have loved to retaliate, sexuality be damned. But he hesitated at the reception desk. “Wait, wait, don’t I need to…” _pay?_ Louis made a vague gesture.

Harry hesitated a little. “Oh… Umm… No. It’s ok. I get guests free.”

That was either a lie, or special famous person treatment, but Harry was starting to look nervous again so Louis decided to let it go. See, he could be gracious. Besides, how often did _Harry Styles_ invite you to into his sauna…? Exactly. Carpe Fucking Diem. Niall was going to _die._

He grinned wider. “Lead the way then.” 

•

The overhead lights were dim; shadowing Louis’ face and making his cheekbones stand out in sharp relief. Harry wasn’t a cruel person. He wasn’t. But it was dark and quiet, and there was something just _delicious_ about the way that Louis was squirming right now. 

“…say that again?” 

He savored the moment, speaking slowly to draw it out. “The health and wellness center here is nude. No clothes allowed.”

Louis face was a mixture of panic and disbelief, but Harry had no space to be worried right now because Louis, despite his initial freak-out, was treating him like a normal human… was even _flirting with him,_ and Harry was going to enjoy this. Sure, people were all over him on a pretty regular basis, but they didn’t want him, they just wanted what he represented. And Louis, this gorgeous, blue-eyed man who was funny and sarcastic, and who wrote beautiful music but pretended it was nothing special, had been flirting with him even when he thought Harry was hiding some sort of terrible disfigurement. This was brilliant. Harry buzzed with excitement.

“Louis, you obviously don’t have a problem with the human body. You were willing to accept me with scales all over my face.” He teased.

“Well yeah, but that’s _your_ body.”

 _Aww, cute._

For what seemed like the first time, Harry let himself look properly at the man in front of him. He was an average height; slightly smaller than himself, with brown hair that swept across his forehead. Those beautiful eyes were dark in the low light, and the scarf had been hiding a strong jaw and very soft-looking lips. But the cheekbones? _Dear god the cheekbones._ Harry would _kill_ for those cheekbones. Or maybe he wouldn’t have to. He could just kidnap this gorgeous person and never let him leave. Louis was bound to like him eventually. Stockholm syndrome, and all that. Harry grinned, feeling positive. 

“I seriously doubt you have anything to worry about, and if you do, I promise not to laugh. Even if you have a tail.” 

He was rewarded with a small chuckle as Louis obviously rallied, shaking his shoulders and standing up straighter.

“Fine. Fine. Let’s go then.” His new friend grinned, pulling off his shirt in one smooth motion, without any regard for Harry’s sanity.

•

One or two guests came in and out of the changing room, stripping off towels unashamedly and quietly washing away the grime of the day before padding through to the center. Harry wasn’t messing with him then, they really did need to be naked. Louis felt his pulse racing at the prospect – whether it was of being naked or seeing Harry naked he couldn’t be sure. 

He hunched his shoulders. Louis was in trouble.

Harry in a casual white t-shirt and skinny jeans was difficult. Very difficult. But Louis had thought he was doing well, managing to act like his head wasn’t filled suddenly with the gray haze of lust and an endless loop of Niall singing ‘tonight let’s get some’. Every blush and stammer reminded Louis that Harry was just a person, and not at all defined by his job. Unfortunately, remembering that he was human was becoming increasingly difficult, as every time this creature smiled at him, _angels fucking wept._

But if Harry in jeans was difficult… Harry naked was unthinkable. Impossible. _Insane._

He was going to loose his mind. Actually, completely. Goodbye Louis Tomlinson, thanks for playing. He closed his eyes briefly against the persistent headache that had been following him all afternoon. Louis usually prided himself on being the calm one in any situation, but he wasn’t too proud to admit that right now? He was a mess. And Harry was bound to notice.

He turned and kicked off his jeans in an attempt to regain some credibility, flinching slightly at the crash behind him.

That was another thing.

Louis had though it was just the Skis, but no. Harry Styles was _clumsy._ Clumsy. Like an actual baby animal. He stumbled around and fell into things, he smiled that massive smile with the dimples. He was polite. He was kind. 

Harry Styles was a danger to himself and humanity, and quite frankly. Louis was offended.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled off his boxer-briefs and quickly secured a towel high around his waist. Bending over to bundle his clothes into a locker, he waited out the sounds of chaos that signaled Harry tripping around behind him, until he was sure that the clumsy idiot was done.

Gathering his courage, he decided to use the excuse of ‘bemused tourist’ to put off looking at his companion for as long as possible. _You can do this._

…

Louis turned round.

…

Tattoos littered the vast expanse of skin that filled his vision.

He couldn’t do this. 

Oh god, _He couldn’t do this._ He was going stare like a _creep_ and Harry would hate him, and they wouldn’t hang out anymore, and Niall would be heartbroken! _Just be calm._ Louis dropped his gaze to the floor and slowly breathed out.

_Bemused tourist._

Taking a deep breath in and holding it, he looked around the room. Clean towels were laid out on a simple wooden bench, and sleek, silver showers lined the far side of the room. He looked up at the ceiling. It was nice – pretty even. There were little stars up there. Little lights to look at while you relaxed. The ceiling was fascinating really. Lots to see there. He nodded along to Harry’s chatter. Something about saunas, he thought. Mindlessly, Louis followed the top of Harry’s head out of the changing rooms and into the center. This was even better, the lights here were darker and the air was warm. Louis walked on, following through a glass door into a wall of heat. _Sauna._ His brain supplied. _Makes sense._ Wandering into a corner, he settled himself down on the bench and shut his eyes.

•

Warm air and soft voices surrounded him, but it was impossible to relax.

Harry wasn’t saying that he wanted to be perved on. Because that would be creepy. But when it came to Louis? Harry wanted to be perved on.

But Louis hadn’t even looked. Like, not _at all_. Harry knew there was supposed to be some kind of etiquette in these places, but surely a subtle glance was ok? Louis wasn’t even making eye contact, and the casual flirting thing that they’d been doing had just stopped, with no warning! At least he didn’t seem to be looking at anyone else either. Men or women. Maybe Louis was asexual? Or just really nervous?

He sighed. _Or maybe he’s just not interested._

Harry settled back into the sauna moodily and shut his eyes.

•

A soft orange glow filled the room, and the sounds of quiet laughter drifted up the stairs. Louis tried and failed once more to wriggle into a comfortable position on his bed. Lying on his back, he glared up and cursed at his computer screen. 

“I shit you not Niall. Harry Styles. _The_ Harry Styles.”

“Holy crap.” Niall breathed out reverently.

“Naked.”

“Naked.” Niall parroted back. Louis might have broken him. 

His friend didn’t usually look at guys that way, but he was pretty sure that for Harry Styles, Niall might make an exception. 

“ _Holy shit,_ Louis.”

“I showed him my music Niall! I forced a world famous musician to listen to my crappy ballad! … _I nearly killed Harry Styles!_ … and that isn’t even the worst part.” 

“You nearly killed Harry Styles… “ Niall interrupted. ”What the hell man, how could you!”

“What?!” Louis lost his thread for a second. Niall was cross with him?! They’d known a famous person for less than a week and already their friendship was ruined. 

“Niall, don’t turn on me mate, I need you.” The blonde was unresponsive.

“Niall!” Nothing.

“NIALL!”

Louis watched his friend forcibly snap himself out of the fanboy haze. “…right. Yeah. Ok. Don’t worry man, we’ll sort this out.” He rallied.

Well that sounded worrying, and Louis wasn’t in the best of moods right now. His head was killing him, and his bruises still ached. “…sort what out?” He hissed.

“Our story!” Niall was really starting to get on his nerves. “We’ve gone from ‘The Holiday’ to ‘Notting Hill’. That’s ok! We can deal with that. Both good movies.” _What on earth._ He flipped over onto his stomach to get a better look at the traitor, wincing as his injured stomach rubbed against the duvet. _Was that only two days ago?_

“Niall, I think you might have lost your mind.”

“Nah mate, this is going to be great! Don’t you worry your pretty little head…” 

“Bu…” Louis tried to derail the line of discussion before it got him in trouble, because Niall’s plans _always got him in trouble_. But the Irishman wasn’t finished. 

“Uncle Niall will sort it out, no problems. Now tell me everything.”

Louis considered protesting some more, but ultimately it would be futile. There wasn’t much he could do to stop Niall when he got an idea into his head.

“Like I said, nearly killing him _wasn’t the worst part._ ”

“What’s worse than that!?” _Exactly._

Louis growled in frustration. “So, as I was saying. Harry-the-terrible-skier invites me over to be semi-naked with him. Stuff of dreams that.” He hung his head. “But just when it’s getting good, He turns out to be Harry-the-untouchable-straight-pop-star, and semi-naked turns out to be _actually_ naked. Which was _not_ fair.”

“I got that part. Get to the interesting bit.” 

Louis glared.

“So we go into the sauna, and all I can think of is _don’t look…_ so I don’t. I sit there and I don’t look. I don’t do anything. I’m fucking Buda. I cross my legs and I sit.”

“Sounds fine?”

“Yeah, I thought so too.” _Wrong. So wrong._

“So I sit there, eyes shut and all, and it’s quiet, and hot, and people go in and out and I try not to think of naked Harry… or naked anyone really.”

Louis thinks back to his Zen state. It was pretty impressive, if he was honest. He was fairly certain he’d reached some sort of enlightenment. Or maybe it was just the heat.

“It felt like I was in there _forever_. But people say that heat does weird things to you, and there’s no clock, just these weird egg timers on the walls and people keep turning them over so there basically useless…”

Louis still felt a little strange even now, if he was honest with himself. 

“And then…” Niall prompted.

“Yeah, ok. So eventually, Harry comes in and says that it’s getting late, and maybe we should go. So I get up and we walk out.” 

Louis paused, putting off the inevitable.

“I honestly don’t see the problem.” Poor Niall. Sweet, innocent Niall. He hadn’t done the things that Louis had done.

He shut his eyes and braced himself for the memories. “So I try to walk, but my feet aren’t working, and I’m pretty sure Harry is talking, but I can’t hear him. I make it through the door, and my head is all white and there’s this weird whistling in my ears…”

“I think I see where this is going.”

“And I swear all I do is blink. But suddenly I open my eyes and my head is…” Louis glances at the screen to where his friend is finally taking him seriously. This is _Harry Styles_ after all... “My head is in his _lap_. His _naked_ lap.”

“Oh my god.” Niall breathes.

A strange hush has fallen over both ends of the call, but there’s no space in Louis’ head to appreciate the dramatic tension.

“And that’s still not the worse part” he whispers. Maybe if Niall can’t hear the words they won’t have happened. “Because my brain isn’t working, and we’re on the floor and I don’t know how we got there, and my mouth is right next to his dick! Which is when I panic, and try to get up. And that’s when it happened…”

“What did you do…?” Now Niall is whispering too, doing his best to help Louis keep the bad thing away. _Good friend that._ He thinks absently. But it won’t help. It won’t make it go away. It won’t change the fact that he… Louis shut his eyes.

“…I threw up on him.”

The silence is endless, and it hurts his ears.

“Oh God.” Niall breathes into it. 

_Oh god exactly._

Louis is pretty sure that his life is ruined.

•

Adrenaline was not something new to Harry. The energy of the stage left his skin tingling, a new album release made him giddy, and each time he finished writing a song he got a rush. Even if he was never allowed to actually sing them. 

But this peaceful contentment was rare. Things were going well. He tried to savor it as he got ready for dinner, sharing the bathroom whilst Zayn quizzed him about his not-date.

“So it was good then?”

“It was great! Or… well, he was a bit sick, but…” Harry teased out a few more curls from his headband.

“Like ill sick or like literally sick?” Zayn interrupted.

“Literally sick. But that’s not…”

“…and you call that great!?” Zayn spoke over him, whilst carefully rubbing miniscule amounts of gel strategically into his hair. 

“Eww no, not the sick part. But the rest was fun.” Harry was a pretty positive person overall, and on balance, yesterday had gone well. They’d survived the piste of satan, they’d had fun, and aside for the illness, everything was good.

“Who was sick?” Nadine called from the bedroom.

“Louis!” Zayn shouted.

“Oh… why?”

“Good point,” Zayn finally turned away from the mirror to look him in the eye, apparently satisfied with his masterpiece. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Harry spluttered. “He was sitting in the sauna. He looked fine, wasn’t even sweating! I got a bit hot and sat outside for a bit, and it got pretty late so I went back and got him. And then he just… fell over.” It wasn’t a great memory, he reflected. “And then he puked.”

There was an unsettlingly long pause. Zayn’s eyes narrowed.

“Tell me Harry, how long has he been snowboarding?”

“Umm, just over a week?” _What’s that got to do with it?_

“And has he had lessons?“ Zayn was weird, but Harry was used to just going along with him.

“I think maybe he had one with his little sisters?”

“And how well travelled is he?” 

Harry had to think about that one. “He said something about it being his eldest sisters first time on a plane. So I’m guessing not a lot.”

Nadine had come out of the bedroom and was mirroring the look of concern that Zayn was now sporting.

“So is it fair to assume that he probably doesn’t know how easy it is to get dehydrated on the slopes?”

“Umm… I suppose.” Oh, now Harry saw where this was going.

“Ok then,” Zayn shook his head. “So how much did he drink while you were skiing?”

“Umm… well, I guess I don’t remember him drinking exactly… There was this really hard slope and we were pretty shaken, he wanted to go for a drink after but I panicked and left…” _Oh no._

“Right, so you let a guy who was almost definitely already dehydrated, exhausted, shaken from almost dying, and probably in shock after meeting… well, _you…_ ” Harry missed his calm feeling. 

Nadine chipped in. “Someone who’s unlikely to have even been to a sauna before.” That was also probably true. 

Zayn picked the thread back up; the two of them eerily tag-teaming him. “… who doesn’t even know how his body responds under those conditions, and who was definitely trying to impress you, sit in that heat with no water for how long exactly?”

Well now Harry was going to be sick.

“Too long.” He whispered, horrified.

“And you left him there.” Nadine pointed out, unhelpfully. “And he wasn’t even sweating.” She was right. “He wasn’t sweating Harry, do you know how dangerous that is?!”

 _Fuck, he could have been hospitalized._ Harry realized with a shock. He hadn’t prepared him at all, and how was Louis supposed to know? Probably no-one had told him how easy it was to dehydrate up on the mountain… _sometimes you don’t even feel it._ Harry had downed two full bottles of water when he’d got back, _and_ he’d been drinking at the chalet before they met up this afternoon. Louis had already been on the slopes for god knows how long, he’d stayed out there after Harry had left, and he would have gone quickly to his hotel to change before coming straight out again. He probably hadn’t drunk anything all afternoon. 

And then Harry let him sit in a sauna for 30 minutes. _30 minutes._ Even Harry didn’t stay in that long. He was so busy sulking that Louis wouldn’t look at him naked that he’d nearly killed him.

He needed to apologize.

“I didn’t… think,” Harry stammered, “he seemed ok, I didn’t… _shit._ ”

Nadine shrugged. “Don’t beat yourself up Harry, he’s an adult.”

“But he didn’t _know!_ ”

“Seriously, he’s fine now. He recovered. I’m guessing he feels a lot worse than you do, given that he threw up.” She probably had a point there. “Anyway, you said that it went well?”

Harry sighed. He would just have to explain everything to Louis and hope that he wasn’t too mad. Things had gone pretty well after the whole puking incident. Louis had been incredibly embarrassed, but at least he was looking at Harry again, and Harry, for his part managed to keep his eyes completely above the waist, just in case he really was that nervous.

“Yeah, it went well. He seemed ok after… we chatted for a bit.”

And Harry had flirted with him and Louis had _flirted back_ , albeit a little less confidently than before. Also, after his shower he was pretty sure that he’d caught Louis checking him out. Hence his general positivity. So long as Louis didn’t blame Harry for not going over any of the safety regulations then the future was looking bright, he reassured himself.

He would apologize tomorrow, and they would arrange to meet up, and everything would be great. 

•

“Loooouuuiiissss!” Harry drunkenly slurred into the answering machine. “I j’st needed t’ tell you sorry! I’m sorry Looouuuis! I fr’got t’ tell you about the dehy… d’hyd… about water! And you g’t sick and ‘s my fault! So I’m s’rry! Forgive me Louis! I d’nt mind that you were sick! ‘s ok! You’re r’lly pretty Louis, even your sick. No. Ewww. No. N’t sick, that’s gross. But…” Harry pulled the phone away from his ear and frowned down at it, trying to work out what he wanted to say. What had he already said? Had he said sorry? He said it again to be sure. Had be said bye? He probably had. He said it again to be sure. _Good._ He hung up, satisfied, dropping his phone onto the empty pillow beside him. Bed was comfy. Louis was fixed. _Everything’s good now._

•

**Louis – 10:34**  
_Not going to ski today, feel crap. Guessing it’s mutual ;)_

Louis spent far too long staring down at the message he’d just sent. Did that make him sound like a stalker? What if Harry didn’t remember that he’d called? After a little more debate, he added another text.

**Louis – 10:38**  
_Thanks for the message btw. Don’t worry, I think you’re pretty too :p_

There. Better. He briefly mulled over the idea of sending a ‘sorry for throwing up on you’ text, but decided was probably best to just _never mention it again_. Besides, it seemed like Harry was predictably trying to shoulder the blame, so hopefully they could just both let it go.

Louis thought fondly back to his chaos scale. _Simpler times._

His phone beeped.

**Harry – 10:45**  
_What message?! What did I say?? I’m so sorry!?_

Louis laughed to himself. Harry was so cute when he was flustered; Louis had no idea how he managed with being famous. He’d watched a few interviews last night but had ended up feeling like he was betraying Harry somehow. The Harry in interviews was a different animal entirely – charming, smooth, and he dodged difficult questions effortlessly. It had been a little disturbing. After that he’d watched some concert footage and was relieved to see that ‘concert Harry’ was much closer to the clumsy, adorable idiot that Louis had gotten to know. So. No more interviews. If he wanted to know something, he would just have to ask. 

**Louis – 10:47**  
_Don’t worry love. Maybe we should just forget about yesterday and start again?_

**Harry – 10:52**  
_That would b amazing._

**Harry – 10:53**  
_Zayn and Nadine r being loud and my head hurts ☹_

Nadine. Right. That was something else that had come up in the interviews. Harry had a girlfriend. Any questions of his sexuality were now officially answered. Still, Harry was fun to hang out with, and Louis was bored. 

**Louis – 10:59**  
_At least you have people to talk to. I’m bored._

He put his phone down and walked slowly over to the glass door leading out the back of the chalet that his mother and step-dad were renting. They were out snowshoeing today, so he would be alone until dinner. He looked at the hot tub outside longingly, debating whether it was worse not to use it and be in pain, or to use it alone and feel pathetic. His side hurt, and the bruising was starting to get that sickly green colour, his legs and shoulders hurt from the evil red slope, and his head was throbbing from what was apparently, extremely dangerous levels of dehydration the previous day. Yeah, after Harry’s drunken phone call he’d googled that too.

It seemed like every time he and Harry met up, one of them nearly died. Maybe fate was trying to keep them apart? 

**Harry – 11:05**  
_I could come hang out? If you wanted?_

_Screw fate._ He text back his address, and after a slight hesitation, tagged on a ‘bring swimming stuff’.

•

Tall green pines framed the small chalet, giving it as much privacy as was possible in a small, crowded skiing village. Harry double-checked the GPS on his phone; this was the place. The wood was stained a dark brown, and small fairy lights lined the door. It looked cozy. 

**Harry – 11:56**  
_I’m outside…_

He wandered round the side of the house while he waited and caught sight of a small hot tub. So that explained the swimming stuff then.

“You could always knock you know.” Harry startled so hard he dropped his phone into the snow. 

“It’s not polite to sneak up on people.” He snapped in mock seriousness. Louis could surprise him all he liked so long as Harry got to hear that laugh. 

Louis grinned and held his hands up in surrender “Sorry, sorry. It was just too easy.”

Louis led him into an open plan living room with a wood fire crackling gently at one end. _Pretty sure I saw this in a porno once_ , Harry though happily, settling himself down in front of the flames whilst Louis went off to make them tea.

• 

It would be fair to say that Harry was having one of the best days he’d had in years, and that wasn’t even an exaggeration. He and Louis just clicked. They talked about their music, their families, Louis’ plans for after his masters thesis was done and Harry’s plans for his next album. Louis treated him like a normal person, teasing him mercilessly and forcing him to cook their lunch while Louis perched on the counter ‘directing’.

And Louis thought that the fame thing was hilarious. He laughed about Harry’s unsettlingly charming interview persona, his terrible dancing being reported as ‘rock star moves’, the accusations of alcohol abuse after Harry’s clumsy feet had tripped him up at 11am in Trafalgar Square and he’d been too embarrassed to string together a full sentence to defend himself. Louis laughed a lot, but Harry never felt like he was laughing at _him_. Louis made him feel like he was pranking the world.

Harry hopped up and down on one leg, trying desperately to get his swimming shorts on without falling on his face. Louis was cackling with laughter behind him, and Harry absolutely _refused_ to turn around. 

With a victorious yell, he finally got his other leg in his shorts, bare ass no-longer waving around in the air. He turned with a flourish to find Louis literally rolling around on the floor as he laughed.

“That was amazing,” He hiccupped.

Harry waited patiently for the laughter to stop. He was pretty sure that the smile on his face right now would be classed as ‘dopey’. 

Louis took a few deep breaths. “Nice arse by the way,” he said, finally calming down enough to haul himself up off the floor.

Harry smirked and stalked over, intent upon some form of retaliation – perhaps he would make Louis blush again, he thought gleefully. But his teasing died suddenly on his lips as he caught sight of Louis’ stomach.

 _Oh no._ “Oh God Louis… I’m so sorry” he whispered, staring at the huge horseshoe shaped bruise that started on his lower abs and dipped below the waistband of his shorts. How had he missed that in the sauna!? The skin was scabbed around one side and still a little swollen. He’d made Louis bleed. Louis had said it was fine, but how could that be true? _It must have been excruciating,_ he thought unhappily. It was probably _still_ excruciating. 

He stepped closer and ran two fingers gently over the raised, yellowing skin.

“I’m so sorry.”

Louis wiped his eyes from the tears of laughter still drying on his face and caught Harry’s wrist where he was touching the bruise. His fond gaze made Harry’s insides curl, Louis looked at him like he saw _Harry_. Actual Harry, and not just a famous cash cow. “None of that love.” He spoke softly. “I told you I’m fine, no harm done.”

“I don’t… how can you be fine Louis? This isn’t fine.” Harry couldn’t take his eyes off it. 

“Harry it’s ok. It’ll heal… Harry look at me.” A small hand tilted up his chin until he was looking at Louis’ smiling eyes. “I’m fine Babe.”

The sound of the pet name on Louis’ lips sent a small shudder through him. They were so close now, and Harry could feel the warmth coming off the smaller man’s skin and smell the faint apple of his aftershave. 

He shut his eyes and leaned his forehead against Louis’, torn between guilt and enjoying the closeness.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” He growled, his voice rough. 

“I know.” Louis tilted his head up, and everything was warm, and Louis was so close, and Harry was overcome with a desperate need to just _protect_ this amazing man. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered again, not entirely sure what he was apologizing for as he leaned down and softly brushed Louis’ warm lips with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Harry's a bit of a drama queen really. I mean, that wound was small enough for Louis to hide by pulling his towel up high. 
> 
> It's so easy to get dehydrated on ski slopes. The sun is really hot and you sweat loads. Plus, Louis is apparently a bit dumb.
> 
> Also, going to a sauna is not a routine thing in the UK. People don't do it much. 23 year old male university students are not likely to go to saunas very often, unless they do special fitness training, and even then it's not common. 
> 
> I think I'm going to write some smut in the next chapter. I'm looking forwards to it.


	4. 5 is too many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Harry has a proposition,  
> Louis is confused,  
> Zayn is just enjoying the ride,  
> Niall writes songs,  
> and Liam's on the phone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still un-beta'd.
> 
> I don't know how it got so long. This shit's getting away from me...

Harry was trying to be as chilled as possible with this whole situation, he really was, but honestly? He was pretty confused. Louis liked him, Harry was fairly sure of that, and he’d reacted to the kiss with a cute blush and a laughing ‘Really, I’m fine Haz’… but then that was it. Louis had laughed, so Harry had laughed, and then everything had gone back to normal.

Harry made another careful turn on the new blue piste they were skiing today and moodily watched his feet.

Basically Harry was stuck, and he was starting to worry that he’d been inventing their mutual attraction. Perhaps Louis laughed so much because he was just a happy person? Maybe his stares lingered a bit too long because Harry was famous? _That would suck._ Harry hadn’t even had solid confirmation that Louis liked guys at all! But if it was all in Harry’s head, then… that was a problem. 

Because Harry, being Harry, might have gone a little over the top with trying to make sure that Louis new that he liked him, and Louis, being a nice, polite person, had probably been trying to let him down gently. So every time Harry had stared at him a bit too long, or stood a bit too close, or touched him a bit too much... _I was all over him,_ Harry thought, _and if he doesn’t even like guys…_

The realization hit him with sharp, sudden horror. _Oh my god I’m a sex pest._

_I’m the creepy guy that doesn’t know when to leave it alone. I’m that friend that makes you super uncomfortable but you don’t say anything because it would upset the status quo._

Harry’s panic transferred from his head down into his feat, which was translated into his skis. With a yelp and a crash he careered into the cliff side.

 _Ouch._ He sat up from his new position and began the challenging process of struggling to his feet on the steep slope (well, steep for him anyway). _Screw this._

Sitting back into the snow, Harry pointed his skis downward and finished off the piste on his bum, eventually coming to a stop at the feet of a familiar snowboarder. 

“Falling at my feet Harry? You should do that more often.” Louis teased.

See, this. This is why he was confused.

“All you have to do is ask.” He tried, giving up entirely on the pretense of cool.

Louis laughed.

The string of curses in Harry’s head slowly abated as he was pulled to his feet by the snowboarder.

Louis appeared to take in their surroundings for a second. “There’s probably no time for another,” he sounded a little tired, Harry thought. “We’re loosing sunlight. It’ll get cold fast, and the last lift is in 20 minutes.”

Harry turned to where the line of shade was creeping menacingly forwards as the sun went slowly down behind the mountains. 

A sudden burst of energy hit him. “NO!” He shouted dramatically “We have to get off the mountain!!!”

He turned and pushed off hard, rapidly gaining pace down the final slope.

“Harry wait!” Louis shouted, laughing. “Harry!”

Behind him he could hear the sounds of the snowboarder in pursuit. 

The two of them coasted down the slope, taking wide turns and zigzagging back and forth in front of each other. 

Harry let out a joyful yell. This is what skiing was supposed to be like! This was amazing! 

“Louis!” He shouted, with nothing to end the sentence. 

“Harry!” He got in return. 

Still laughing, he took the last bend. _Yes! No falls!_

Harry slowed to a stop triumphantly and turned to see the insane snowboarder heading straight for him. 

Instinctively, Harry caught the laughing maniac around the waist, tumbling them both to the ground in a clumsy heap.

“We made it!” Harry shouted loudly. A sharp glare from a helmetless skier sent them both into hysterics, until Harry began to shiver at the cold wind on his back.

Their laughter turned to quiet giggles and then slowly stopped, and Harry felt a wave of fatigue wash over him. _Time to get up._ He stayed where he was, resting his helmet against Louis, and letting the warmth of the other man slowly soak through into his ski suit. _Any minute now._ Harry thought lazily. _I wonder how long I can stay here for?_

“Umm, Harry?” Louis asked hesitantly, panting a little “are you moving any time soon?”

 _Not long then._ “Sorry! Sorry.” Harry hurriedly tried to push himself up onto his feet, only for his ski to slip, resulting in a sort of grind down the front of Louis’ body. 

“Shit, I’m sorry!” He tried again, slipping once more, and this time ending with his hand on Louis’ upper thigh.

“Oh my god I am so sorry!” _What is wrong with you!_ Harry cursed himself. This wasn’t working. Changing tactics, he held out his hands in surrender and rolled off of Louis onto his back.

The snowboarder scrambled away as fast as his board would allow. “No, no, it’s fine! It’s fine!” Louis shouted in an unnaturally high voice.

Harry sighed in defeat and gazed up at the sky. _Sex pest._ He thought glumly. _Oh god, it’s true._

•

“Stop pouting Harry, it isn’t attractive.” Harry pouted harder and glared at Zayn where he was trying his best to fix Harry’s hair, which had a life of it’s own this evening. 

“This pout sold out 42 stadiums and 39 arenas last year.” He grumbled. He’d had literally _millions_ of teenage girls, and not a few boys throwing themselves at him, and yet the one person he wanted to be interested was apparently impervious to his charm.

“It’s the smiles you win prizes for babe, not your grumpy face.” Zayn jabbed.

Harry huffed. “I win prizes for everything.” Wow, even he could see what a baby he was being.

Zayn poked him gently in the back. “Try me again when you’re GQ man of the year and then we’ll talk” he said. Harry could _hear_ the smirk.

“All right Mr. Perfect.” He turned to face the current GQ man of the year and spread his arms wide. “What am I supposed to do?”

“About what?”

“About Louis!!!”

Zayn laughed happily. “You my friend, are supposed to go downstairs in,” he looked at his watch, “about five minutes, bring him to the restaurant, where me and Nadine will help you work out whether he’s gay, straight, bi, pan, ace or any other type of sexual.” Zayn paused. “Or if he’s just really shy and your enthusiasm is freaking him out, which is my current theory.”

Harry froze. “Seriously?!” He squeaked. “Do you think I’m freaking him out?! Am I trying to hard?? Do you think I’m being a _…pest?” Please say no, please say no, please say no._

Zayn frowned. “Harry I actually have no idea what you’re talking about. Go get him and we’ll sort it all out after.”

Without further ado, Harry found himself pushed firmly out the door of the suite. 

“Don’t be late now!” Zayn called after him.

•

The hotel was just as beautiful as the last time Louis had been there, and so naturally, he was freaking out a little that his simple navy blue shirt and black skinny jeans weren’t going to cut it. Louis undid his top button and looked at the result in the smooth glass of the lobby doors.

“Louis!” He hurriedly did the button back up before turning to face the happy shout. 

Harry was… well, Harry was toeing a fine line between smart and indecent. His black and red floral shirt was unbuttoned almost to the navel, and when he turned just right Louis was pretty sure that he caught a hint of tattoo through the material. And the jeans… well Louis had thought his own jeans were tight. Harry’s cock must be in _agony._

He was obviously dressed to impress. 

Louis plastered a smile on his face. _Of course he’s dressed nice, his girlfriend’s coming out with us._

“Harry! Nice look. Trying to win all the ladies?” Louis cringed at the words coming out of his mouth. _Just keep smiling._

Harry frowned and gave a hesitant smile. “Umm, no, just you Lou.” He said in that slow voice.

“You look nice” Louis tried again.

Harry smiled at that, big and dopey. “Thanks!” He chirped. “We’re staying in the hotel tonight, I hope that’s all right? We’re all a bit tired, so nothing too fancy.”

Louis’ smile loosened into something a bit more natural as he relaxed. That was good. Not too fancy was good. “Lead the way then.” 

He followed Harry through a new set of double doors and into a large dining room that was still a little on the fancy side of posh for Louis’ liking, but thankfully he didn’t look too out of place. If anything, it was Harry with his headscarf and see-trough shirt who looked a little odd in the gently lit room. 

They weaved through the tables, heading towards what was clearly a private booth. Harry looked back and grinned. 

“We don’t get noticed that much here, or umm, we do but it’s not that bad. It’s just, it’s better if we aren’t obvious.” 

Louis was trying really hard to forget that he was hanging out with one of the word’s biggest pop stars, but it wasn’t easy. The only thing that helped was that he was almost 100% certain that Harry wasn’t doing it on purpose. It was just his life. Probably after nearly 5 years he just took certain steps automatically, and didn’t consider that the rest of the public didn’t have to behave that way.

They rounded the corner to their table and finally came face-to-face with their dinner companions. Louis’ eyes immediately latched onto Harry’s girlfriend – _Nadine,_ his brain supplied. She was even prettier in person, he thought with a twinge of sadness. Some cruel part of him had been toying with the idea of accepting Harry’s not-so-subtle advances – back when ‘the girlfriend’ had just been some intangible concept in the papers, but now standing in front of her he knew there was no way that he could do that. _Damn you for being a nice person._ He cursed himself.

Louis looked over to their second companion and couldn’t stop the jolt of recognition that unfortunately, was almost certainly noticed by everyone. That was _Zayn Malik_. Ex-runway model, fashion designer, TV personality and apparently, close friend of Mr. Harry Styles. Seriously. Now Niall really would die, he’d watched every episode of America’s Next Top Model religiously since the beautiful man had taken over from Tyra. Shit, Louis wasn’t going to get used to this new crowd any time soon. He hastily pulled himself together and gave an awkward smile.

The man in question was still smirking at his utter lack of composure when Harry broke the silence. 

“Hah, I win!” He shouted triumphantly, pointing at Zayn. 

Louis frowned and spun round; looking from Harry, to a frowning Zayn and finally Nadine, with a broad grin on her unfairly perfect face. God these people were going to give him a complex. 

“What am I missing here?” He asked hesitantly. 

Harry looked a little sheepish. “Umm, well… I just… Me and Zayn… We…”

Zayn cut in over Harry’s nervous babbling. “Harry here bet that your reaction to me wouldn’t be as good as it was to him, which apparently was you standing with your mouth open for at least 3 minutes. I’m not sure if I should be offended or not.” He said dryly. 

Seriously? Wow, famous people suck, although in their position he’d have probably done the same. _Two can play at that game._

Louis did his best impression of a kicked puppy and stared at Harry with what he hoped, looked like betrayal. 

“You didn’t warn me because you wanted to bet on how much I’d make a fool out of myself?”

He took a slow step backwards.

“I don’t understand? I thought you liked me but you just wanted me around so you could make fun of me??”

Both Zayn and Nadine were looking at him curiously, obviously not sure just how upset he was, and Zayn was starting to look a little guilty. 

_Let’s step this up a notch._

“You think that you can just mess with people?!” Louis raised his voice slightly. “What, because you’re famous you can just fuck with people? You think you’re better than me…?! Fuck you!!!”

He fought to control his face, glancing over from Harry’s look of horror to Nadine’s embarrassment and finally Zayn’s… what was that? Shame? This was _perfect. Now who’s the dick._

Harry tried to salvage the situation. “No! No, Louis, No. We don’t… I would never! I’m really sorry! We were just messing around and I forgot to tell you and then… I just… I thought… I’m really sorry Louis!”

Louis couldn’t keep a straight face any more. With a sudden snort he dissolved into a fit of giggles. 

“Oh my god… your face!” He choked out. “That was amazing.”

“LOUIS!” Harry shouted at him. “Oh my god, Louis! That was horrible!”

Louis took a few deep breaths, slowly calming down. “Well yeah, but so were you, so now we’re even right?” He grinned. 

“That was brilliant!” A new voice chimed in. Louis turned to face Nadine, who looked thrilled. “I agree with Louis, you two totally deserved that, you can be real dicks.” She held out her hand and he hesitantly took it.

“Nadine.” She smiled.

“Louis.”

Louis really wanted to dislike her on principal, but it seemed that Harry’s girlfriend was actually pretty cool. _Figures._

Zayn was the next to recover, smirking once more and holding out his own hand. “Well played.” He said. “I’m Zayn.”

Louis nodded and finally turned to face Harry, who was still looking a bit wrong-footed. 

“You ok Harold? I was only playing.” 

Harry’s smile was a little timid, but Louis wasn’t too worried. “I’m still sorry,” he said quietly, “that was a dick move.”

Louis laughed again. “Yes it was. And so was mine. Just think of what we could accomplish together…”

There was a thump as Nadine dropped her head into her hands. “Oh god, now there’s three of them.”

Harry’s grin brightened and he held his hand out flat. “To world domination!” He declared.

 _Gorgeous idiot,_ Louis thought fondly. He placed his hand over Harry’s. “To word domination” he intoned.

Zayn was next, leaning over with a grin to place his hand on top. “World domination,” he agreed.

There was a pause as the three turned to face their last member.

Nadine snorted and covered their hands. “Why not?” She laughed.

•

“I like him,” Zayn said with a genuine smile, once Louis had left to go to the bathroom. “He doesn’t take any of your shit. He can stay.”

Harry sighed. “Pity he doesn’t seem to want to.”

Zayn shook his head. “No, that’s not it, you’re missing the point.”

Harry leaned forwards apprehensively. On the one hand, he really, really needed to know what was going on. On the other, he wasn’t exactly sure that he _wanted_ to. 

“You do realize,” Zayn leaned across the table to whisper conspiratorially, “that you have a girlfriend right?”

Harry snorted and sat back. “I haven’t had a girlfriend since I was 15. Did you hit your head extra hard today?”

Zayn ignored the insult with practiced ease. “Nadine? Sitting right here?” He prompted, nudging their friend’s elbow where she was trying to chat up their particularly cute waiter as he cleared away the empty plates. She glared at Zayn and went back to her conversation. 

“Yeah,” Harry grinned at the display “I don’t think she’s interested.”

“Well yeah.” Zayn took a sip of his slightly over-priced wine. “But Louis doesn’t know that, does he?”

Harry should probably write some sort of guide to idiocy, he mused, because clearly, he was an expert. It was just, it hadn’t come up, and Harry felt so close to Louis already that he really did forget that it had only been 5 days. But of course Louis must have looked him up. Even Harry had done a quick google search once he’d had Louis’ full name, and yes, he was only a little embarrassed to admit to the hour that he’d spent going through the man’s facebook pictures. So sue him, he was human (and those pictures of Louis in a wetsuit were worth the embarrassment if Louis ever found out). Which meant that Louis had almost certainly done the same, and what would be the first thing that came up? _Harry Styles on romantic getaway with supermodel girlfriend._

 _Shit._ Or no… tentatively… yay? This could be a very good thing. Maybe Louis didn’t think he was a creepy predator after all?

_No, he just thinks you’re a cheater._

But that was ok, because Harry was the master of communication, and he was confident that he could somehow subtly convey his lack of girlfriendlyness over the next hour or so. And if Zayn was right, it was actually pretty sweet, because that meant that Louis wasn’t willing to be a part of Harry’s apparent doucebaggery, no matter how much he might like him.

Harry sighed happily. Louis was the best. Zayn was the best. This was going to go well.

•

Louis washed his hands slowly, using the water to flatten his fringe that was somehow always sticking up. Overall, it seemed to be going ok. Zayn was slowly warming up to him, and Nadine might be on the way to joining Niall as the second member of Team Louis. Which made sense, because Louis was awesome, and every girl’s gay-bff dream. He wondered if she would still like him if she knew that he’d jerked off to her boyfriend this morning. 

_Probably not._

Louis wasn’t sure he liked himself after that guilty session.

Taking one last look in the mirror, he left the bathroom and went back to their table, to where Harry was now looking up at him with a determined, if slightly manic glint in his eye. Well that was worrying. Clearly he shouldn’t have left.

Louis dodged round their waiter just as he finished having an apparently heated discussion with Nadine and sat back down.

The table was oddly quiet.

“So…” Louis began awkwardly. 

“Nadine likes the waiter!” Harry blurted out, looking slightly frantic and starting to flush.

“Oh. Ok.” Louis wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with that information. “He seems nice… Yeah.”

“She say’s he’s single! I agree with her too, he’s really pretty! Umm… right? I think we… she… I think it’s a good idea!”

Ok, this was weird, what on earth was Harry doing? Was he trying to set Louis up with their waiter? Was that his solution to him having a girlfriend? Find him someone else? Or wait…

Wait.

_‘I agree with her too.’_

What.

What was Harry suggesting??! Nadine liked the waiter… Harry liked the waiter… Harry’s manic expression… _Are they propositioning me?? Is this something that famous people do? Suggesting a 4-way with a random waiter??_

_Was Zayn in on this??_

Louis froze. “Right… What about you… Zayn?” He asked haltingly. 

Zayn was looking a little too pleased with himself and it was making Louis uncomfortable. “Oh yeah definitely,” he drawled. “He’s great, definitely worth a shot.”

_Oh my god._

_Oh. My. God._

Louis was ready to admit that these people were all extremely pretty but still… 

This… was not something that he was mentally prepared for. 

He had to turn them down somehow. _Shit._ He ignored the small part of him that was screaming to _just go with it! Who turns down an offer from Zayn Malik and Harry Styles for a random orgy?!_ But no. Seriously. He couldn’t do this. 

Louis took a deep breath. Oh for goodness sake, he was being an idiot. That couldn’t be what was going on here. _Stop jumping to conclusions._

“Right… I mean. He seems nice… But… Not really my type, you know?” He tried.

Harry blushed even harder and looked across at where Zayn appeared to be choking on his wine. “No… umm, that’s not what I meant.” He stuttered out. “He would be with Nadine. You could have… umm… someone else.” 

_Oh dear god._

A frantic coughing struck up across the table as Nadine appeared to snort wine out of her nose.

“Look Harry… I don’t know exactly what you’re offering…” Louis put a hand over his eyes and looked out from between his fingers. “But… I think… I don’t think I’m into it… I mean, you’re all great… and the waiter seems great… but I just… Umm… I don’t think it’s for me?”

Harry looked confused for a second before his expression abruptly changed. “No!” He shouted, looking mortified.

_Oh thank god._

“Oh right.” Louis frowned, failing to understand what was going on, but at least realizing that he was once again the butt of the joke, judging by Zayn’s hiccupping laughs.

“No,” Harry tried again, weakly. “I meant that Nadine wants to hook up with the waiter, and I’m ok with that.”

 _Oh._ “Oh. So your relationship isn’t exclusive then?” Louis probably wasn’t going to be ok with that, if he was honest. He was definitely the jealous type.

“NO!” Harry bellowed at him, and then slammed his hand over his mouth, clearly shocked at his own outburst.

Louis turned to Zayn for some sanity, but the ex-model was laughing so hard that tears were running down his face, for once not looking like he’d just stepped out of a catalogue. 

“Can someone please explain to me what is going on?” He looked around the table at where Zayn was slowly falling out of his chair, whilst Harry stared blankly ahead, apparently trying to discreetly work his way beneath the table.

Nadine leant forwards, still laughing, but obviously trying to get herself under control. 

“What he’s saying,” she managed between breaths, “it that our relationship isn’t a relationship.”

“Huh?” Ok, so now Louis was really confused. 

She shrugged, finally calming down. “It’s good for both of us. I get promoted, he gets to pretend to be straight for a while. Win win.” 

Thoughts trickled back to Louis slowly. Harry wasn’t in a relationship… Harry was gay… The trickle became a river that threatened to overwhelm him. So Harry was what, lying to the world? Because he thought being gay was such a terrible thing? He was ashamed? What? But no, that didn’t sound right, Harry didn’t seem to have any issues with his sexuality judging by the way he was pursuing Louis. 

The river suddenly stopped. 

Morals could wait, because Harry. Wanted. Louis. 

And Harry was single. 

Louis turned to stare at the still-blushing pop star, currently covering his eyes with his hands. 

And Louis. Wanted. Harry.

•

Harry was jolted out of his embarrassed paralysis by Louis’ strained voice. “Harry… I need to talk to you.”

Louis was looking extremely ruffled right now, his face flushed red and his hair sticking up from where he’d been running his hands through it. Something, Harry suspected, that was an unconscious nervous habit. 

Harry couldn’t blame him of course; he’d just thought Harry was what, propositioning him for a 5-way? _Oh god._ Harry blushed harder.

He nodded silently in acceptance, not trusting his mouth with words. Louis followed him as he led the way out of the restaurant and into the lift, both of them keeping a respectful distance in strained silence.

As the doors pinged open, Harry shuffled out with relief, ushering Louis down the corridor to his rooms and silently waving him inside.

Harry pulled the door softly shut behind him, pressing himself back against the cold wood and waiting nervously for Louis to speak. 

“You don’t have a girlfriend.” Louis started. Harry could hear him padding softly across the thick carpet, pacing back and forth.

“No.” He finally spoke.

“You like guys?” Louis sounded slightly breathless, but at least the pacing had stopped.

“Yes.” 

“You like me?” Louis came closer, crowding him against the door.

“Yes.” Harry had nowhere to go.

“Harry…” Louis growled.

Harry finally looked up. 

_Shit._ Harry’s stomach tightened at the look of naked want in Louis’ eyes.

“Harry…” Was all the warning he got before Louis crashed their mouths together.

Harry stayed frozen, his brain scrambling desperately to catch up with the situation, still stuck somewhere between embarrassed and _Louis… Lips… Louis!_

But Harry had obviously waited too long, because that delicious mouth was pulling back, muttering some sort of apology that Harry _did not want to hear_. He surged forwards; cutting off Louis’ panicked rambling with a desperate kiss that only slightly missed his mouth.

Louis. _Louis._ Oh god _Louis._ His brain managed between hot, messy kisses.

_Louis._

Harry shuddered, pulling the other man firmly along the front of his body, his back still pressed up against the door. His jeans were too tight, his dick straining against the fabric as it rapidly hardened.

_Shit._

He could feel Louis’ erection pressed firmly against his thigh.

“Louis” He whispered brokenly, as the smaller man slowed the pace down to something gentler. Something sweet. 

“Harry, I want…” Louis stuttered between feather light kisses that made Harry’s lips tingle. “I need…” He rubbed against Harry’s thigh, and let out a quiet moan.

“Anything, Lou. Anything.” Harry murmured weakly, his head falling back with a light thump as Louis moved his attention down to Harry’s jaw, nipping at him gently. Whatever they did, it probably wasn't going to last long.

Harry writhed as Louis sucked a biting mark onto his collarbone, licking over it to sooth the ache.

_Louis._

Louis panted into his neck. “Harry... Can I?” He hesitated with his hands on the button of Harry’s jeans. Harry didn't understand how he'd gotten so lucky, and he _really_ didn't understand how he'd gone from unwanted 5-way to consensual making out in shuch a short space of time, but now was definitely not the time to work it out.

“Yes…. Yes. Oh god, please. Yes.” _Please. Please._

 _Oh shit._ Harry’s brain went offline was Louis sank slowly to his knees, flicking the button undone and dragging his jeans down. How the hell had they gotten to this point?? Harry thudded his head back against the door with a whine.

His dick was fully hard now, stretching the soft cotton of his boxer briefs obscenely and he moaned, loudly, as Louis lent forwards to mouth over the head. All thoughts of his confusing night rapidly faded and the man below him gripped the back of his thighs, pulling Harry's hips forwards to meet his hot mouth.

“Shit!” He placed a hand cautiously on Louis’ head, not sure if he was allowed to touch.

Louis made an approving sound, and reached up to tangle Harry’s hand properly in his hair.

“You can pull,” he panted against Harry’s aching dick. “I like it.” Harry groaned again, pulling firmly as his hips jolted forwards of their own accord.

He held his breath as Louis peeled the boxers off him, the fabric coming away with a wet pop as his leaking erection sprang free. The cool air contrasted with Louis' hot breath, making his dick twitch, and warmth curled in his stomach.

Harry buried his hands deeper into the soft hair and lost himself to the sensation of gentle, teasing kisses and long wet licks. A heavy weight began to replace the warmth, making his stomach tense. Small embarrassing sounds were coming out of his mouth but there was nothing he could do. Oh god he needed more. _He needed more._

“Louis… Louis! Please!” He cried out in frustration tugging on Louis’ hair and reflexively jerking his hips forwards, searching desperately for friction. 

Louis pulled his head back and chucked, looking up through long lashes. His beautiful blue eyes were almost entirely swallowed by blown pupils and his lips were red and swollen. 

_Oh god, oh god, oh god._

“Patience Harry.” Louis smirked, and Harry thought that he just might come right there from the sight of it… this beautiful, amazing man on his knees for him. 

“You’ve been so good.” Louis purred. And he had. Harry thought. He had been good… _Please. Louis._ “You deserve to be rewarded.”

Harry whined, a raw needy noise that he had never heard from himself before.

_Oh god!_

The sound had Louis rushing forwards, swallowing Harry down; one hand pumping the base of his cock, hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head, mirroring the desperation that Harry felt.

“Louis!” Harry shouted. He closed his eyes, unable to look, wanting… needing this to last for as long as possible. He could feel his orgasm building at the base of his spine; that heavy weight creeping out from his stomach, raising goosebumps on his skin. His hips twitched desperately, but Louis’ firm hand held them in place, and _fuck_ that was hot. 

“Louis, Louis… oh god… I’m close… Louis!” He babbled incessantly. 

He thudded his head back agains, listening to the sounds of desperate moaning that Harry suddenly realized _wasn’t him_. He looked down to see Louis grind the heel of his hand firmly against his own cock, eyes tight shut as he pulled off, pumping Harry in firm, hard strokes.

The sight of Louis struggling desperately to get off pushed Harry over the edge. “Louis!” He shouted as his orgasm washed over him, come splattering over Louis’ hand and chest. 

Harry tumbled gracelessly to the floor as Louis worked him through it, his legs finally giving way. He closed his eyes and lay dazed on the carpet. 

A low grunt and the sound of slapping skin brought him back to himself. Through his hazy brain, he watched as Louis frantically worked a hand down he front of his own jeans, fumbling the top button open, but too desperate to undress himself. _Fuck, Louis,_ he reached over, straining to get closer.

 _Not fair. Can’t see._ He thought sluggishly.

After just a few strokes Louis shuddered, spilling into his hand, and Harry… _Harry had done that._ Just getting Harry off had gotten Louis so wound up that he’d come in his pants like a teenager…

 _Oh god._ Harry thought dazedly, his spent cock twitching feebly. 

Louis sighed and flopped down next to him. “We should probably move…” He mumbled. 

“Beds are good.” Harry agreed, his head still filled with post orgasm fluff. Beds were very good. Big and soft, and he could lay Louis out and map over every part of him with his tongue. 

Harry relaxed further into the carpet. Beds were very good, and they would get there eventually... Just not right now. Later. There would be time later.

They had time.

•

Louis stretched out his arms above his head and felt a satisfying click. That was it then. This morning had been his last snowboard session, and this was his last sauna. He arched his back and stretched out further, tipping his head back to feel the ache down his neck.

Snowboarding was painful. After two weeks, every single one of his muscles was protesting. 

The sand drained slowly away in the hourglass that they’d turned to time themselves. Louis would never make _that_ mistake again. He looked across to where Harry sat cross-legged on the bench opposite; his skin was flushed from the heat.

A bead of sweat rolled over Harry’s collarbone and down, cutting across the swallow tattooed onto his right pectoral and continuing over the lightly defined plane of his stomach before ending it’s journey in the modesty towel that was loosely draped over his lap.

 _Dammit towel_ , Louis cursed internally, moving his gaze to Harry’s hands, and then up to the light dusting of hair across the man’s chest. Louis watched it move with Harry’s breaths and tried to match them. Harry was breathing _fast_ he realized with a surprise. 

He looked up. Harry was looking straight at him. Louis stomach tightened instinctively when he saw the dark look of _want_ in Harry’s eyes.

“Time to go?” Louis squeaked.

Harry nodded, silently.

•

The two crashed through into Harry’s room exchanging biting kisses.

“Have you got anything?” Louis panted, as Harry flopped down onto the bed.

Harry waved an arm vaguely at the dresser. “Top drawer.”

Louis padded over and pulled out a Swiss pharmacy bag. He laughed. “When exactly did you buy this Haz?”

The other man rolled onto his front to hide his face, but Louis could see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Umm, Wednesday? I think? After the sauna.”

 _Wow._ Louis had puked on him, and Harry _still_ went out and bought lube. That was just… wow.

“Huh. You must have really liked me.”

“You underestimate your charms Lou,” Louis could hear the smile still in his voice as he spoke into the pillow. 

“And you,” He stared hungrily at Harry’s ass, “underestimate yours… ”

Louis crawled across the bed to where Harry was lying and rucked up the back of this t-shirt, pressing wet kisses across the base of his spine. 

Harry sighed into the mattress and wriggled out of the offending piece of clothing. He was like an overgrown kitten, Louis thought. 

Harry groaned and reached his hands down to tug open the button on his jeans.

_Or not._

Louis’ mouth watered at the thought of his pert little ass, and he was overcome with the sudden need to _see._ He pulled roughly at the jeans and boxers, dragging them both off the younger man until he was gloriously naked, before standing and quickly shucking his own clothes. 

Louis stalked forwards. One thing on his mind.

“Harry,” he said carefully, “I want to eat you out.” 

There was a squeak from the bed and Harry turned to face him with wide eyes. 

“Oh god, yes… Please. Yes.” Harry babbled. 

“Put a pillow under your hips.” Louis smirked as Harry almost fell off the bed in his hurry to comply. 

He ran his arms over the firm bum in front of him, massaging gently before parting the cheeks to look down at Harry’s tight, pink hole. 

“Beautiful.” Louis whispered. Harry squirmed beneath him, moaning into his pillow before Louis had even started. He smirked to himself. He could already tell that Harry was going to be responsive.

Louis bent his head, biting gently at the meat of Harry’s arse, working his way slowly towards his goal. 

He ran a finger gently over Harry’s hole, following its path with a firm, wet, licks. Harry yelped at the first touch and shuddered into the pillow.

“Louis…” He trailed off.

Louis grinned. Bending his head down once more, he let himself go. Licking and nipping and soaking Harry’s hole until he lay twitching and incoherent.

He paused for a second to let Harry catch his breath.

“You ok love?”

“Louis… Louis… Please. More. _Please._ ”

“Anything you want.” Louis said gently, meaning every word.

He redoubled his efforts, this time stabbing with his tongue, tasting the inside of Harry’s body, working him open with sure thrusts of his tongue. 

“Please, more. Louis. Louis!” 

Louis would never get tired of this. Maybe one day Harry would let Louis lie him down and rim him until he was sobbing into the pillow. He hoped so. But for now he could never deny this gorgeous creature.

With a dexterity he hadn’t known he possessed, Louis clicked open the lube and quickly coated a finger, slipping it in smoothly beside his tongue and carefully crooking it, feeling around until…

Harry keened. 

_That’s the spot._

“Do you like that babe?” Louis smirked, as Harry came slowly undone. 

He pumped his finger, all the time licking firm, wet stripes around it and stroking over that spot again and again. Harry was moaning loudly now, writhing on the bed. Sweat had plastered his hair to his head, and Louis could see that his lower lip was swollen and red, as he struggled to look back at Louis. 

He looked debauched. He looked _destroyed._

Louis could do this all day. “God you look beautiful.” He murmured, sitting back and adding another finger, watching them disappearing into the tight heat of Harry’s body. 

“So, beautiful… I could do this forever. You look amazing Haz. Love this, watching you come apart. So good for me.”

Harry was shaking now, babbling into the pillow and rubbing himself against the bedspread. “Louis! Louis! I need… I need…”

“What is it love, what do you need?” Louis bent over and gently bit Harry’s arse, and that was it… Harry shouted into the pillow and Louis felt the muscles of his hole clenching around this fingers, greedily pulling them deeper. 

Louis left a last kiss on Harry’s arse and gently pulled his fingers free, stroking the back of Harry’s thigh soothingly as he came down from his orgasm. _He came untouched,_ Louis realized suddenly, his whole body clenching with need. Jesus, he hadn't realized that that happened in real life.

Louis went to grab his own neglected erection, but found his hand batted away.

“Nope” Harry shook his head, surprisingly coherent from what had looked to be a fairly devastating orgasm. “Not again. My turn.” 

Harry crawled down to Louis’ body and pushed him onto his back, taking his leaking cock in his hand and lapping at the tip. 

“Harry,” Louis gasped faintly “I can’t… I’m not gonna last.”

“Good”, Harry grinned up at him wickedly. “I want to taste you. Want you to come in my mouth.”

_Shit! Shit fuck shit!_

Louis gasped as the heat of Harry’s mouth surrounded his aching cock, his lips stretching obscenely; still swollen and red from where he’d been biting them. He felt a sharp stab of arousal and fought to hold on, but his control was slipping away.

“Harry, Harry.” He moaned, hips thrusting against the weight of Harry’s lower body as it pinned him to the mattress. 

“Come for me Lou,” Harry demanded, sucking harder, and who was he to disobey.

With a shout, he came down’s Harry’s throat, his orgasm ripping through him, leaving him trembling. 

Harry smiled around his flagging erection, milking the last drop.

“Mmmm,” he crawled up Louis’ body and kissed him heavily on the mouth. Louis could taste the bitterness of his release on Harry’s tongue. “You taste good Lou.” The younger man flopped down bonelessly onto his back. “I’m already addicted.” He smirked.

Louis propped himself up on his arms and looked down at Harry. A sudden wave of nausea washed over him at the thought of leaving.

“I’m going to really miss you.” He whispered. “A week wasn’t enough.” He rested his head on Harry’s stomach and was rewarded with the other man gently petting his hair.

“What are you talking about?” Harry said, obviously confused “I’m here for another week.”

Louis smiled and lifted his head. The early evening shadows had hollowed Harry’s cheeks, and his eyes shone in the dim twilight. He looked gorgeous. It might have only been a week, but Louis already felt his chest ache at the thought of loosing him.

“I know Harry,” he smiled sadly, “but I’m not. I leave tomorrow.”

“You… What!” Harry sat up, shattering the quiet of the room. “You can’t! Why didn’t you tell me??”

Louis snorted, a little frustrated. “I did! I told you all morning that this was the last time I would be snowboarding!”

Harry was shaking his head. “You told me you were here for two weeks.”

Louis frowned. “I did yeah, a week ago, and I told you I’d been here for a week already. So that makes two weeks, and tomorrow I have to go home.” He hesitated. “I thought… I thought you just didn’t want to talk about it. Every time I brought up leaving you said not to think about it.”

Harry stared at him blankly. “I thought we had another week…” He whispered.

Louis trailed a hand over Harry’s side. “I don’t want to go. I’m going to really miss you. Can we… I mean, can I still text you?”

“Of course.” Harry said quietly.

Louis breathed out a sigh of relief. “Good,” he tried to lighten the mood, “because my course doesn’t start for another week and I’m going to be really bored.”

Harry looked up in surprise. “Then you don’t have to go? Stay with me!”

“Harry I can’t, I have a flight booked, I have to go back with my parents… Besides, I can’t afford another week.” Not everyone was famous or rich enough to randomly decide to ski for another week.

“Just change your flight, you can stay with me! Easy!”

Louis was getting a little annoyed with Harry’s attitude, this was not the afterglow he'd been looking for. “I can’t Harry! Flights cost money, hotels, food, skis… everything costs money.” Probably this concept was slightly hard for Harry to understand.

Harry huffed. “I can…”

“Don’t you even finish that sentence.” Louis interrupted. “Don’t you dare Harry.”

“Fine.” Harry frowned for a second, and a slow smile crept over his face. “Come out with me and the others tonight.” He said, sounding happier all of a sudden. “We’ll give you a proper last night.”

Part of Louis would have liked to just stay right there with Harry until their time ran out, but it wasn’t fair to keep him from his friends. They obviously didn’t get to see each other as often as they liked, and Louis wasn’t selfish.

Well ok, he _was_ selfish, but Harry was just such a good person that it made Louis want to try harder.

His smile was only a little watery. “Whatever you like Harry.” 

•

Harry trussed his hair up into a messy bun and threw on a t-shirt. By his most optimistic estimate, they had maybe four hours. Four hours for him, Nadine and Zayn to convince Louis to stay.

Whilst the snowboarder went home to change and see his family the three sat around a laptop and plotted. 

•

“Oh shit, I forgot my phone, I need to get it in case Liam calls.” Louis racked his brain. _Liam. Tour manager. Right._

Louis shrugged. “No problem, I’ll just wait here.”

Harry shook his head. “Nope, I only have you for 3 more hours, I’m not wasting a single second.” Louis found himself being unceremoniously dragged towards the lifts. He laughed happily. “Ok, ok, I’m coming.”

As the lift doors closed Harry immediately turned and began pressing tiny kisses all over his face. “Is this going where I think it’s going?” Louis smiled, enjoying the attention.

Harry laughed. “Probably not, actually.” 

He pulled away as the lift doors opened and pushed Louis down the corridor, turning to unlock the large ornate door. 

“Welcome back,” he declared, “to my humble abode!”

Louis followed him into the large room, noting the huge flat screen TV that he had somehow missed the first few times he’d been there, and finally noting the second bedroom leading off from the living room. He waited patiently while Harry darted over to a side table and grabbed something.

“Why do you need two bedrooms?” he wondered aloud, turning to face the other door.

“Nadine” Harry spoke from just behind Louis’ ear, making him jump. The taller man hooked his chin over Louis’ shoulder and whispered into his ear. “We share the suite. Doesn’t mean she gets to share my bed”. 

“You don’t want to share your bed?” Louis sighed, leaning his head back onto Harry’s shoulder.

“Not with her.” Harry lent his head down and kissed gently along Louis’ shoulder, lightly tugging his t-shirt aside to uncover more skin. “Although it is a big bed,” he continued his ministrations, “much too big for just little me.” Harry’s arms crept round Louis’ waist, his clever fingers slipping underneath the thin shirt to trace where skin met denim. 

Louis shuddered into the touch just as Harry stepped back. “Shall we go?” Harry said abruptly.

_Huh, I guess this really wasn’t going where I thought it was going._

Slightly confused, and more than a little frustrated, Louis followed obediently behind.

•

It had been an hour now and Louis was slowly going out of his mind. He'd finally caught on to what was going on: Harry was playing a game he really wasn’t ok with. Basically, the evil pop star would find some way to rile him up, dancing close, grinding, whispering into his ear, and then Every. Single. Time. He would hover with his lips inches from Louis’ and whisper, “pity you’re going home.” Before stepping away.

Louis wasn’t stupid, ok? He knew what was Harry was doing. And if he hadn’t, Zayn’s constant and unsubtle comments over his apparent surprise of _"how cheap it is to move flights with EasyJet"_ might have given him a clue. Honestly. _As if he’s ever flown with EasyJet in his life._

Not to mention Nadine’s tactic of continuously lamenting loosing her new gay-bff. Especially once she somehow wheedled out of him that he knew how to french braid hair. 

She was currently working on this tactic as they stood around their table, whilst Zayn and Harry waited at the bar. “But Louuuuiiisss,” she whined, _does she really think that’s going to work?_ “Harry will be so bored without you! What am I supposed to do with his sulking? He’s not even allowed to ski!” That gave Louis pause. _He's not allowed to ski…?_

“What do you mean ‘not allowed to ski’? Why would he be not allowed to ski?” And who could even stop him? He was a grown-ass man. Harry not being able to ski when he was on a skiing holiday just didn't make sense.

Nadine beamed at him, obviously sensing weakness. “He’s not allowed.” She repeated. “Liam won’t let him. He says it’s too risky with the tour so soon.”

Louis frowned. That… that sounded like a lie. Why would he be able to ski for two whole weeks and then suddenly be banned? Definitely a lie. 

He sighed. “Seriously Nadine? I thought we were bonding. Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying!” She shouted a little too loudly. “Here, I’ll prove it.” She got out her phone and dialed a number. Louis waited. _What on earth is going on?_ After several seconds she thrust the phone at Louis, who reluctantly held it up to his ear.

"Nadine?" The voice that answered was male, and unrecognizable. Louis was seriously confused now.

“Hello?” He asked. “Who is this?”

There was a huff across the line. “It’s Liam. Who is this and why are you calling from Nadine’s phone?” Huh, _the famous Liam._ The voice was softer and sounded younger than what he’d been expecting from Harry’s apparently fearsome tour manager.

“Nadine called you and gave me the phone. I don’t know why. Probably because she’s trying to convince me that Harry’s not allowed to ski anymore.”

“Oh.” Came a confused reply. There was a slightly uncomfortable pause before… “Louis!” Liam shouted excitedly, finally seeming to understand what was happening. “I’ve heard all about you! That’s completely true. Harry can’t ski anymore. It’s too close to the tour and there’s a thing with, um… with the insurance. An insurance thing, and he can’t ski. At all. For the next week.”

Louis sighed for the millionth time that night. “Don’t lie to me Liam. I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like we’re friends. Are you lying to me?”

“No! absolutely not!” Liam sounded a little shocked at that. “To be honest, I didn’t really want him skiing at all.” He admitted. 

_Huh,_ Louis sighed. He’d sounded pretty sincere, though Louis knew basically nothing about this man. He could just be really good at lying, although Zayn’s anecdotes from dinner last night would suggest otherwise. Unless Zayn was lying? But really, at some point he would have to stop and trust _someone..._ “Ok then," he finally relented, "thanks for letting me know.” 

“No problem!” Came the immediate cheerful reply. “I look forwards to meeting you!”

Louis didn’t get the chance to question that, as he was abruptly hung-up on.

 _Well. That was interesting._ So it seemed that Harry really wasn’t going to be skiing next week. Louis tapped his fingers on the table, thankful that Nadine was staying quiet, allowing him some time to think. Louis definitely couldn’t afford to ski another week, that much was clear; the rental costs alone would have him eating nothing but plain rice for a month, and with the cost of changing flights, eating out, and paying for the ski pass to use the lifts there was just no way… But without the skiing. _Maybe. Maybe._

Nadine stayed silent whilst he pondered his options, and he looked up curiously to find that she’d gotten distracted by a pretty girl with bright pink hair. He got out his phone and looked at his flight details, trying not to let himself get carried away with the possibilities. There was no harm in looking anyway, it wasn't like he was going to book anything. He navigated to the EasyJet website and pulled up flights for the next weekend. Zayn had said that it was only 30CHF to change flights, that was what… around 25 pounds? Less? Harry had insisted on paying for dinner the other night (or rather, it went on his tab after they ran out of the restaurant), so he could definitely stretch to that. The page loaded quickly on the club WiFi and Louis scanned the flights in surprise. They were actually cheaper than his current flight. The tapped his fingers against the table again. That made sense he realized. Some schools had a late half term, so this weeks flights were more expensive because of it. He looked across to where Harry was collecting up their drinks in his big hands. The flights were cheaper… so there would be no extra charges if he changed them.

Holy shit, he could actually do this. He could. If he stayed with Harry and watched what he bought… He really could. Whether he should or not was another matter, but still…

Harry took hat moment to come bouncing up, drinks in hand. “Louis!” he shouted enthusiastically, “I missed you!”

He stepped closer reaching around Louis to put the drinks on their table, crowding him back until Louis was left with the hard, cold, table pressed up the back of him, and a firm, warm, Harry pressed up the front. 

Harry wrapped his arms securely around Louis and attempted to get even closer. “Louis…” he sighed, breath warm as he nibbled on Louis’ ear…

And all of a sudden, Louis was just _done_. He couldn't do this any more. Harry was going to be the death of him. This had to stop. Right now. 

Louis held his hands up in surrender. “Ok, fine! You win. I’ll do it!” 

Harry pulled back to look at him cautiously, and Louis ached a little at the desperate hope in his expression. "You'll do what?" Harry asked slowly, the crack in his voice the only thing that reflected the look in his eyes.

Louis chuckled into Harry’s hair. “I’ll do it.” He took a breath, drawing out the moment. “I’ll stay another week.”

There was a slight delay, before Harry jumped back so abruptly he knocked a drink out of some poor girls hand. Thankfully Zayn, ever the gentleman swooped in to sort it out. Harry turned back to look Louis in the eye. “You will!?” His eyes were frantic. “You’re serious?”

“I will.” Louis nodded, “I’ll…” he managed, before Harry cut him off with a desperate, bruising kiss.

•

•

Music rang out from the guitar on Louis’ lap. 

“No!” The tinny voice shouted out from the speakers. “Go to the Dm7 after the G!” 

The two sat cross-legged on Harry’s large bed, with Niall displayed on the Skype window of Louis’ computer.

“For god’s sake Niall! If you’re so sure then you play it!” Louis shouted back, as Harry giggled across from him. 

“FINE!” Yelled back Niall, and started playing again. _Oh._ That was actually pretty good. 

Louis waited for it to stop before picking over the chords. 

“We still need a chorus though.” He said, silently acknowledging Niall’s superior verse structure. “It should be upbeat, something bouncy. Something to fill a stadium.” He grinned over at Harry, who smiled dreamily back. 

Louis thought back to their week so far; lazy mornings that turned into quiet afternoons together. They’d been walking through the forest and down to the river, and exploring in the tiny pedestrianized town. Then there had been swimming in the hotel pool, more time in the sauna, and one terrifying afternoon spent in the hotel gym that Louis would rather like to block from his memory. Still, it wasn’t worse than _the sauna incident they do not talk about._

And now there were only two days left. Don’t think about it. He couldn’t, not if he wanted to stay even remotely sane. 

The evenings were his favorites, sometimes going out with Zayn and Nadine, laughing and shouting until they lost their voices, sometimes staying in quietly, exploring each other and just being together, but always ending with Louis curled tightly around Harry, both of them relaxing onto the moment of just being together. 

_You know I want to be the one to hold you when you sleep._ Louis hummed to himself quietly, jotting the line down on a new page of the notepad next to him. 

He turned back to the song in question, where Niall was strumming out a bouncy tune and Harry was bopping along, nodding his head.

“What about ‘will you ever fuck me again, fuck me again’?“ Harry sang, his strong voice carrying through the suite.

“Harold!” Louis was shocked. _Appalled even._ “How am I supposed to show that to my mother.”

“Your mother loves me.” The pop star smirked. 

Despite having never met Harry, that statement was worryingly accurate. Or at least, his mother loved the _idea_ of Harry. 

He’d been a bit nervous to confess his decision to stay another week, but it seemed his worries were completely unfounded. His mom and step-dad had taken the news surprisingly well, his mom declaring that if you couldn’t live while you were young then when could you. She’d also told him to go get his man…

Actually, he was beginning to worry that his mom might be trying to live vicariously through him. Having a gay son was clearly something she was enjoying.

Louis put the guitar on the floor and rose up on his knees, stretching out his back with a satisfied sigh. “We should probably stop soon?” He asked the room in general, frowning when there was no reply. 

Louis looked questioningly over towards Harry to find him staring from behind the computer, a wicked smile on his full lips.

As he watched, Harry got to his feet and slowly pulled his t-shirt up over his head, exposing his broad chest and dark tattoos. Harry’s hands wandered lazily down to play with the button of his jeans. His smile widened. 

“Niall?” Louis choked out, not looking at the screen. “We have to go now. Let’s finish this tomorrow…”

Louis barely caught the loud “BE SAFE!” as he closed laptop with a firm click, leaning over the bed to place the computer safely on the floor. 

•

Harry rolled onto his side and stared at Louis, trying to commit everything to memory. His eyes were shut, smoothing out his expression into something younger, softer, but the flush across his body and cheeks betrayed what they’d just been doing.

Harry squirmed slightly, enjoying the gentle ache of his body, like the ghost of Louis’ fingers still inside of him.

“Louis,” he said quietly, not wanting to break the moment, but needing desperately to know where they stood. _I can’t loose him._ He thought. _Not now._

“Yeah?” Louis replied lazily, keeping his eyes closed.

“I can’t… I mean.” He hesitated as Louis sat up looking a little worried.

“What is it Haz?”

“I don’t think I can let you go Lou. I mean, I know it’s not been long but I’m…” Harry paused to collect his thoughts. “I’m going to be in London next week recording, and I know you have lectures but you said you were studying in London? So I thought maybe you would want to…” Harry hesitated again and looked down. He shouldn’t be nervous of _Louis,_ but the other man had somehow gained the power to utterly destroy him, should he choose to, and part of harry was terrified. 

He gathered up his courage and met the other man’s eyes. 

Harry needn’t have worried. Louis’ grin was so brilliant that Harry felt dizzy with it. The smaller man lunged forwards and tipped Harry’s head back, kissing him breathless and senseless. “You’ll never get rid of me.” He laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've never written sex before... let me know how it went. Or don't. I'm actually afraid.
> 
> The next chapter is set in London, and there's a lot that they need to talk about.


	5. Like puzzle pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter:
> 
> Louis freaks out,  
> Harry has rockstar problems,  
> Niall is a wonderful human,  
> Liam is a worrier,  
> and Zayn… Zayn isn't in it. 
> 
> I can't explain how hard it is to make these bastards stay in the same room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a bit of a nightmare with this chapter, and it might be a little slow. 
> 
> If you can bear with me, the next chapter is going to be a good one I think!

The wheels finally screamed to a stop with all the grace of a half-full EasyJet plane in a gale. Oh god, Louis was never flying again. Never again.

With shaking hands he pulled out his phone, which was apparently still on. _Oops._

**Louis – 19.35**  
_Haz, we landed, did you land? Are you OK??_

**Louis – 19.39**  
_Harry I need you to answer me_

**Louis – 19.42**  
_Seriously, this is important_

**Louis – 19.48**  
_Harry, please answer!!!_

Louis tucked his phone away and shakily pulled his hand luggage down from the overhead compartment as the line finally started moving. He tried to focus on calming his body down, grateful that his legs at least seemed happy to obediently follow the crowd off of the plane and towards passport control.

_Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out._

A loud chirping sent him swearing and scrambling for his phone, gaining him a sharp glare from the rather old man in front of him. Finally pulling the dratted thing out of his jeans pocket he fumbled the touchscreen open and held it breathlessly to his ear.

“Louis! Everything ok?” Harry’s bright voice came clearly down the line. 

Relief flooded through Louis. “Harry! Oh my god you’re ok! I thought your plane had crashed!”

There was a short laugh on the other end of the line. “Louis what are you talking about, why would my place have crashed? Do you know how unlikely that is?”

“This isn’t funny Harry, there were gale force winds!”

Harry’s tone was fond; Louis could imagine the soft look in those green eyes, the slight upward tilt of his mouth. He focused on the image. _Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out._

“Calm down Lou, it’s ok. Pilots fly in these conditions all the time and our plane was a lot bigger than yours. We barely felt it.”

Harry’s voice was slow and gentle, but Louis wasn’t having any of it. In fact, the more his body calmed down, the more urgent it seemed that Harry understood the seriousness of the situation. “We nearly crashed Harry! We couldn’t land! We nearly died!”

There was a long pause on the line before Harry started talking. “Louis it’s ok. It’s ok. You’re safe. I’m safe. You’re ok. You’re ok.” He repeated, sounding suddenly so unsure that Louis felt the fight wash right out of him. He hadn’t meant to scare Harry. That wasn’t what he’d been trying to do. It was just, the landing had been really scary, and he’d had no one with him to hold his hand.

Louis closed his eyes and took another deep breath. _Breath in. Hold. Breathe out._ “The captain tried to land but something went wrong.” He said weakly. “We had to try again. Twice. It was horrible.”

“I’m so sorry sweetheart. I’m sorry that happened.” Harry was speaking with a slow, patient tone, but there was still an edge of worry there. Louis thought he sounded rather like he was trying to tame a wild animal. “It’s called a ‘go around’; they have to do it sometimes. But you’re ok?” Harry sounded like he was trying to reassure himself now. 

Louis closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a twinge of guilt. “Yeah, I’m ok. I’m fine.”

“Was anyone hurt?”

Louis barked out a short self-depreciating laugh. “No. No. I’m sorry Haz, I just completely freaked out on you. I swear I’m usually much better at flying. It was fine, really. A bit scary, but nothing serious. Actually I think the flight attendants enjoyed it.” He hesitated for a second but decided that complete honesty was probably the best bet here. “I’ve never flown by myself before.” He said quietly. “I guess I was more nervous that I expected to be.”

Harry sighed. “I’m really sorry that you had to go through that Lou. I hope you don’t regret staying longer.”

Oh no, that wasn’t right. He’d definitely put his foot in it if Harry was worrying about that. “Harry No! Don’t be daft.” He said hurriedly. “I just let my imagination run away with me, but I’m fine now.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m ok.” Louis tried to make his voice sound as light as possible.

Harry sighed. “Ok, good. I’m glad.” Louis thought he could hear someone calling to Harry across the line, and abruptly remembered that he was supposed to be in the studio this afternoon, recoding a few missing backing vocals for the tour. There was a loud crackling that Louis assumed was Harry covering the microphone, followed by a muffled conversation.

“Are you feeling any better now?” Harry asked, still patient after what Louis suspected was a sharp telling-off for being on the phone.

“I’m fine.” He replied, trying to sound confident and strong, like a seasoned traveller. “Actually I’d better go, I can see Niall.” _Liar._ “But thanks for putting up with me. Are we still on for tomorrow?”

“I don’t ‘put up with you’ Louis. I want to talk to you.” Harry sounded a little exasperated, but not enough to really worry about. “Of course we’re still on. It’s going to be great.”

“It better be Styles,” Louis laughed, trying to shake off the last of his nerves. “I won’t accept a sub-par performance.” 

“I would never.” Harry replied happily. “See you tomorrow then Lou!”

“Till tomorrow Haz.” Louis hung up with a smile on his face. He’d somehow managed to find a guy who was willing to put up with all of his dramatics. Surely there was a catch? Louis wondered. How in the hell had he gotten so lucky?

•

Louis pushed his way thorough baggage claim to grab at his his suitcase – miraculously unscathed after the horrifying landing. A lady with bleached blonde hair and a sharp suit elbowed him roughly, expertly swinging her own case off the carousel and sweeping away in a cloud of perfume. _Eugh. Get me out of here._ He followed the woman blindly, gaining a few curses as he hurried to get out of this awful place and it’s near-death experiences.

Switzerland had been great, but as clichéd as it was; god it was good to be home. 

Louis forced his way through the crowds, searching for a familiar face. Just as he was preparing to give up, sit down somewhere and have a nice sulk, he finally located a mop of blonde hair attached to a bouncing Irishman.

“LOUIS!” Niall bellowed far too loudly, sweeping him up into a crushing hug. “Never leave me again!”

Louis laughed at the enthusiasm. Niall over Skype was great, but it didn’t compare to the real thing. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Next time I’m bringing you with me.” He laughed again.

“Damn right you will.” Niall grinned. “So how was the flight?” He asked, taking Louis’ bag and weaving expertly through the crowded arrival doors.

Louis sighed dramatically. “It was awful Niall, I think my kidneys have come loose.” He felt an answering twinge in his side. Niall laughed.

“I’m not kidding Niall!” He squeaked. “I feel weird! Do I look yellow? You’d tell me if I turned yellow right?!” Oh god his kidneys were failing. EasyJet had killed him.

Niall pulled him into another tight hug and spun him around. “Louis, your kidneys are fine! You are fine! Stop being such a drama queen!” He laughed pushing Louis away to take a better look. “Yep. Still as ugly as ever, but definitely not yellow.” Niall grabbed his arm and lead him on. 

“Mean.” Louis grumbled, as they finally arrived at the car. “So where’s idiot number two? Did he decide my miraculous return wasn’t worthy?”

“ _He_ is right behind you.” Another voice spoke directly into Louis’ ear.

“Gah!!!!” Louis leapt forwards. “Jesus Stan!!!”

The man in question laughed and ran a hand through his short brown hair. “Welcome back Lou.” He said, nabbing his own hug. “Let’s get this stuff into the car and then you can explain to us what the hell you think your doing running off with a pop star.”

 _Uh-oh._

•

Stan, as it turned out, was not as enthusiastic about the whole Harry-thing as Louis had been hoping for. In fact, he seemed to be under the impression that Harry was some sort of deranged, fame hungry womanizer. And somehow, Louis insisting that Harry didn’t even like women was making it worse.

“Back me up Niall!” He shouted, “he’s a good guy right?”

“Yeah man, Harry’s great!”

“See!”

“Niall likes everyone!” Well that was true, but Stan was missing the point.

“Harry’s a good person!” Louis shouted, getting a little angry.

“He may be Lou. But have you really thought this through? He’s closeted. Can you deal with that? Never holding his hand in public, reading about who he’s sleeping with? Who he gets drunk with? What drugs he takes?”

“It won’t be like that. He’s trying to clean up his image! And he never did any of that stuff in the first place! He wouldn’t!”

“Right. And how well do you actually know him? It’s been two weeks! You’ve never seen him stressed. You don’t know what he’s like when he’s angry. You don’t know how he acts at work. You don’t know what his life is like Lou!”

“But…” Louis was red-faced and getting more worked up by the second. Stan’s words were starting to make him uncomfortable. 

The other man pushed on, obviously determined to hammer the point home. “What if he sleeps with fans on tour? Have you spoken to him about that? He’s a rockstar Louis, what if he has groupies? What about drugs? He probably does drugs Louis! I’m pretty sure it’s a pre-requisite that all famous people do cocaine.”

Niall tried to cut-off his friends rant from the backseat. “Stan, stop man, we get it!”

“No you don’t!” Stan shouted. “You don’t get it!! Neither of you know this guy! And Lou, you don’t even know what he wants from you. What if he just wants a week of sex, and then he’ll go on tour and it’ll be over.”

And that was exactly what he’d been afraid of, because that was a very real possibility. What if Harry was planning on dumping him at the end of the week? Were they even dating? Could you be dumped if you weren’t even dating? Harry might just cut all contact and disappear off into the flashing lights.

Louis looked down at his phone, fidgeting in the quiet car. It was Stan who broke the silence. “Don’t be mad at me Lou,” he said gently, “I’m not saying that this won’t work. I just… you need to be careful. You fall so fast. I just want you to be ok.”

Louis stared out the window, watching the houses rush past. “I’ll ask him.” He finally decided, wishing that the sick feeling in his stomach were just a result of the bad flight. “Tomorrow when I see him, I’ll ask him everything you just asked me.”

“Ok.” Stan sighed. “Ok, good.”

“And you can meet him. Ok? That way you can judge for yourself.”

The car was silent for a while. “Fine.” Stan said finally. “Good. Yeah. I think that’s a good idea. Bring him to the flat. We’ll organize a party or something. Find out what kind of a person he really is.”

“Ok.” Sighed Louis. _It’ll be ok._

•

The recording studio smelled of pine and furniture polish, and under it all a hint of old dust, as if it would always hold echoes of all the people who’d recorded there. Normally the smell soothed Harry, connecting him to musicians past, to all the different performers, big names and no-names and everyone in between. But today it just reminded him that he lived in a different world to most people, that he would always be different. 

The room was silent as Harry waited for his companion to move from where he stood in the middle of the room. He was starting to worry that something was really wrong with Louis. This morning’s rehearsal had been good, he’d thought, but after his vocal coach had left the studio, Louis had gotten more and more jumpy. Harry wasn’t sure what had happened, but this wasn’t the same Louis that he’d spent the past two weeks with. The only thing that Harry could think of was that it had something to do with the studio. Perhaps being here had made Louis finally realize just how unusual Harry’s life was. How he would always live in a different world. Well, until the fans got tired of him anyway.

“So… Lunch?” He asked hesitantly, suddenly unsure about whether Louis even wanted to spend time with him.

The blue-eyed man studied the floor for a moment, chewing on his lip. “Are you on drugs?” Louis blurted suddenly. 

_What?!_

“I mean, not right now obviously. When you’re touring, or partying, do you like… do drugs?”

“I don’t… I mean… What?” Of all the things that might be wrong, Harry had not predicted that one.

Louis sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just, I don’t know the first thing about how famous people live, and everything you hear is all ‘sex, drugs and rock and roll’. So I just really need to ask how much truth there is to all of that?” Louis stopped and took a deep breath, moving his gaze from the floor to staring vacantly at the mahogany paneling of the studio.

So Harry had been right then, the fame thing was too much. This was when Louis backed out of whatever it was they were doing. 

“Look, Louis.” Harry began slowly. “I know it’s a lot to take, and my job isn’t exactly normal, but I’m still the same person you knew these past two weeks.” He shook his head. “I’m not a drug addict, I mean… there are drugs around when I go out, but I don’t take them, and I’m not a… I don’t sleep with fans, ok? That’s not the kind of relationship I’m looking for, and I’m sorry if something I said or did gave you that impression.”

He shut his eyes, suddenly not wanting to see the other man’s face whilst he decided Harry’s fate. Had it really been only two weeks? How had he gotten this attached so fast?

The silence stretched out between them as Harry tried to think of more things to say to reassure the other, but it was Louis who spoke first. “Shit, I’m sorry.” He laughed self-depreciatingly. “It was nothing you did Harry.” 

Louis sighed heavily. “It was my flat mate, Stan. It’s just… he kept telling me all these stories about rock stars getting high and having orgies and I just started to freak out, and we haven’t talked about this. About any of it.”

Harry opened his eyes to find Louis finally looking back at him; his eyes wide and worried. Harry wasn’t sure, but it sounded like maybe Louis wanted things to work out as much as he did? 

The smaller man kept talking. “He said that for all I know you were planning on disappearing after this week and never speaking to me again. And I know we haven’t talked about this, and if that’s what you want to do then I’m not going to blame you.” He said in a rush. “But if that’s your plan then… then I need to know Harry.”

Harry frowned as he stared at the beautiful man in front of him. Louis had such life, such energy, he was like the sun, burning with some bright fire and drawing everyone too him. How could he think that Harry would just walk away from him? As if Harry could.

“Louis no. I’m not going to leave… I couldn’t. I’m… I couldn’t.” _I love you._ He thought fleetingly, but it was too soon, and he wasn’t even sure it was true. _It could be though,_ he thought. _I could love you. Maybe not yet, but I could._

Harry searched for the words that wouldn’t come. “I know I live a different life to most people Louis… and sometimes people throw themselves at me, or offer me things I don’t want… but… I’m still me. I’ve lived like this for four years and yeah, it’s probably changed me a bit, but the person you met on holiday, that’s me Louis. The real one. And I’m not going to disappear, or turn into someone else just because I have to travel for work.”

Harry hesitated, unsure if he was going too far but, those blue eyes were looking softer than they had all morning so… _cards on the table._ “It’s true that… sometimes I have to put on an act for the cameras– but I’ve only ever been myself around you. I promise it’s been the real me. You can have the real me… I mean, if you want me.” Harry shut his eyes again feeling the flush creep up his neck. 

He felt the warmth of Louis first, radiating out, _like the sun_ , he thought again. A calloused hand gently touched his jaw. 

He felt Louis breath as he spoke. _So close._ “You are such a sap. I don’t know how I ever thought you could be the person in the papers Harry Styles. It won’t happen again.”

Harry reached out and gripped the arm of Louis’ soft grey jumper. Holding on, but not ready to speak yet. But that was ok, because Louis wasn’t finished. “Of course I want you. I’ll take every truth you trust me with, and I’ll do my best to ask first before believing rumors.”

Something was straining in Harry’s chest, forcing pressure up behind his eyes. He leant forwards gently, resting his forehead against Louis’. “Never be afraid to ask Louis. No matter what. Whatever they say– please promise me you’ll always ask before you believe it.”

The older man tilted his head up, lips hovering beneath Harry’s. “I promise Harry.” He said, as he closed the distance, pressing their lips together in a hard kiss.

Louis backed up slightly. “So…” he smiled cheekily, and Harry felt the change like taking his first real breath of air. “Lunch or a celebratory blowjob?”

Harry laughed, giddy with relief to suddenly have _his_ Louis back, and not some nervous shadow. If it were up to Harry, Louis would never feel nervous around him again. “And what’re we celebrating?” He smiled dopily.

The shorter man hooked his fingers through Harry’s belt and pulled him back in. “You’re not a drug addict Harry. I think that deserves a reward.”

Nimble fingers easily flicked open the button of his jeans. 

Harry swallowed. 

“Here?” He looked around at the quiet studio, and let his senses fill with the memories of everything this room had seen.

“Is that a problem?” Louis asked, sinking to his knees.

“No. Here’s good.“ Harry looked around for the last time before focusing on the amazing man in front of him.

“Here’s perfect.”

•

The day was going pretty well, Louis thought. He Niall and Stan had gone to watch one of Harry’s final rehearsals in a large warehouse on the outskirts of London. The space was huge, but they’d been told that it was much smaller than the real thing; just a small-scale mockup so that Harry could practice his stage ques. 

And Harry was truly in his element, dancing and prancing, ignoring his choreographer, who laughed and joked as he attempted to wrangle Harry into position, used to Harry’s antics.

If Louis hadn’t already been gone for Harry then seeing him like this would have done the trick. 

There had been a few small issues at the start; Stan’s rude exclamation of _'No offence Harry, but isn’t leaving rehearsal until the week before you start cutting it a little bit fine?'_ had left Harry blushing and babbling something about _rehearsals before the holiday_ , and _set design_ , and a million other things that they did not need to know, but were told anyway. 

Thankfully, things had smoothed out after that. Actually by the end Louis was pretty sure that he’d seen Stan nodding along the beat, singing one of the lesser-known tracks softly under his breath. He may not be sure of Harry as a person yet, but apparently he was a secret fan. Which now that Louis thought of it, actually made a lot of sense, given how well acquainted he seemed to be with Harry’s media image. 

And Niall at least appeared to be having the time of his life, making friends will all the crew, testing out the guitars and bouncing around with so much energy that he was eventually wrangled into helping the gaffer do… whatever it was that gaffers did. Louis wasn’t sure. 

But finally morning rehearsal was over, and they were told that there was a car waiting to take them, Harry, and for some reason Liam, Harry’s crazy tour manager to lunch.

“Ok lads,” Liam checked his phone. “Car’s out front.”

The tour manager turned to face the rehearsal space at large “BACK HERE AT 2 CREW! GOOD WORK THIS MORNING!”

Louis did not envy Harry’s crew or Liam. It had been a seriously long morning, and they were about to do it all again. Thankfully Harry himself wasn’t needed for the rest of the day, though he would be back tomorrow. 

Liam strode forwards and held open the warehouse door.

The sight that greeted them seemed to shock Harry and Liam as much as the rest of them. The small group of fans that had been waiting outside had tripled, and paparazzi swarmed the area, flashes going off one after the other as the five of them pushed through to the car. Louis tried to listen to the questions being shouted out, but he was rapidly bundled inside by Liam, who was apparently extremely strong. 

“Holy shit, is it always like this?!” Niall shouted, far too loudly into the silent car that was apparently soundproof.

“No,” Harry shook his head, “something must have happened. Sorry, I need to call my PR manager.”

The group fell silent again, slightly awkwardly, as everyone pretended not to listen as Harry tried to find out what was going on.

“Right… Yes. Yes, a phone call… No. No… Nothing like that. No, it was just a phone call… … Yes ok…. Fine. If that’s what you have to do… … Well then I don’t have much of a choice do I. Ok.” Louis waited to see who would be the first one to crack after Harry hung up. _Niall probably._

“Well?! What the hell is going on!? Why is my rehearsal space flooded with paps??!” _Or Liam._ Apparently Liam was even more impatient. 

Louis spared a proper glance at the tour manager. His eyes had bags under them, and he looked pale from what Louis assumed was the strain of running a worldwide stadium tour. But despite the obvious fatigue and his current fretting, his eyes shone with the passion of someone doing what they loved, and he was obviously fiercely protective of Harry. It made Louis glad that Harry had someone like that in his life.

The pop star in question was frowning and shaking his head. “I’m dating Taylor Swift again.”

Louis glanced sideways at Stan, who was glaring at Harry with a singular focus. Louis had told his two best mates everything that he and Harry had talked about after the, uh, drugs, incident, but apparently it hadn’t been enough to reassure him.

“How did that happen then?” Louis asked slowly, trying not to sound too judgmental.

Harry sighed. “I called her yesterday.” He shrugged. “I wanted to call her a few weeks ago after I heard the album, but I got a bit distracted.” The younger man glanced up at Louis with a sly grin, which he returned.

“Anyway,” Harry continued, “her album made me think that she’d probably had a hard time too when we pretended to date, so I called her to clear the air. We talked for a while; she’s actually pretty nice when she’s not being messed around for the sake of publicity.” _So you talked, and someone found out and called the press._

Louis went cold as the thought sunk in. This was Harry’s life. A life where every single second could be recorded, documented… sold. This was what he was getting himself into. No wonder Stan was worried. 

Liam nodded at Harry’s words, but was apparently unable to put the pieces together. “So how did they get from that to dating?”

Harry smiled gently at who Louis now suspected was actually one of his best friends. “Someone overheard her side of the story and told the press. She was on a talk show last night and they asked about me. Taylor was never that into lying if she didn’t have a reason to– She told them that we’d talked and mended our friendship. Which apparently to the press means that we’re back together. I don’t think she meant it that way but, apparently it’s good PR so I’m not allowed to deny.”

Liam frowned. “No more fake dates though yeah? It’s not fair to either of you, and honestly, you don’t have the time right now.”

Harry laughed gently. “Yeah Liam, no fake dating. Just no denying.”

There was an angry thump from opposite Louis that sent everyone jumping in the eerily quiet car. “What, that’s it?!” Stan finally snapped. “You just let the world think you’re dating? You’re going to lie just for the ticket sales? You’re lying to thousands of people for _money_? How do your fans feel about being lied to? They trust you!” The disgust was obvious in his voice.

Stan paused to take a breath. _Please don’t say it._ Louis thought. _Please don’t._ “And what about Louis? How do you think he feels?” 

_Shit._

“I…” Louis watched Harry’s face crumble as he tried to find something to make it better. “I’m so sorry Lou. I didn’t think. I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do.” There was an edge of panic to his voice that Louis had never heard before, and Louis wanted to help him, he did, but part of him _needed_ to hear the answer. 

Harry turned fully to face Stan, and continued, a little desperately. “You don’t understand. You don’t– I signed a contract. I was young and I didn’t know what I was doing, and there are all these clauses that I didn’t understand and I can’t… I can’t get out of them. Not without being sued and loosing everything, and there are so many people who need these jobs. If it were just me then maybe– but it’s not.” He looked sadder than Louis had ever seen him. “I can’t let them down, I just can’t.”

Harry put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry Stan. Louis. I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t have to lie to my fans. They’re worth so much more. And Lou, I’m sorry if it hurts you that I let people believe these things. I never wanted to hurt anyone.”

Louis looked over to where Stan was sitting with his mouth open and Niall was looking pale and miserable beside him. Liam draped his arm around Harry and glared at them, whispering reassurances that Louis suspected the young pop star had heard hundreds of times before. 

_It must be horrible_ , he thought blankly, to carry around all of that guilt. Harry must have to be so careful; never trusting, trying to act out a part that he didn’t believe in, and all because he’d signed something that he hadn’t understood. He’d signed a piece of himself away. He couldn’t comprehend it. How had the young man lasted for so long, denying such a big part of himself? Pretending to be something else? Carrying so much weight? What 21 year-old worries so much about letting everyone down? 

Stan frantically made eye contact with Louis and mouthed something complicated, but Louis didn’t have to know what it was to understand. _What do I do?_ Harry probably didn’t realize yet, but his little outburst had gone a long way towards winning over Louis’ oldest friend. Louis mouthed back _say something_ , and put a comforting hand on Harry’s head stroking gently through his curls, trying to reassure him that he was still here, that they were ok.

“Harry I’m sorry.” Stan spoke softly, as if he was trying to show Harry a different side to his previously harsh words. “I just worry about my best friend. I hope you can understand that. It’s hard for people on the outside to understand what it’s like. I heard that you were going to lie and I didn’t stop to think about it. I’m not saying I agree with everything, but I do understand it.” He reached out a hand and hesitantly patted Harry on the arm. “I’m sorry it has to be this way mate, and for what it’s worth, I do believe that you’re doing what you think is best.” 

Harry finally looked up, and Louis was floored at how genuinely grateful he looked. “I– Thank you.” He nodded. “Thank you.”

The car was silent once more as everyone processed events. Louis looked around and caught Liam’s eye; the tour manager smiled hesitantly at him. Beneath his arm Harry was fidgeting, and Louis waited with uncharacteristic patience for him to speak.

He didn’t have to wait long. 

“I’m coming out.” Harry stated abruptly. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything Liam, I just didn’t want to give you anything else to stress about.”

Louis felt the silence like a weight this time. He wasn’t sure he could take many more revelations today. Though, to be fair, it seemed like it was talking an even harder toll on Liam.

“What?!” _Note to self; Liam doesn’t like surprises._

Harry smiled shyly at his friend. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and it’s something I want to do. I don’t want to hide anymore, and I’ve talked to Simon about it, he thinks that my career will survive it if we do it properly.”

“You talked to Simon?” Liam asked hesitantly.

“I did.” Harry smiled. “I talked to him Liam, and he said it was ok.”

Louis was unprepared for the change that came over the tour manager. Liam was smiling widely, taking years off his face, and Louis was suddenly struck by how young he actually was. He couldn’t be much older than Harry himself. 

Louis wasn’t sure who Simon was, but he assumed that he was something to do with Harry’s management, and somehow, having this man on-board made a big difference. So Harry wanted to come out? Louis shuddered to think of the madness that would surround him when he did, but still, this would be a good thing. 

Surprisingly enough, it was Stan who protested. “And what about your contract mate?”

Harry smiled. “I signed a 5 year contract when I was 16. That means that the contract is up in January next year. Less than 10 months and I’m out of it.”

Stan smiled properly for what Louis realized was the first time today, finally seeming to relax. “Well then. Looks like we need to have a celebration.” 

•

Harry was glowing. 

Well, not literally, but things were going better than he’d imagined. Harry might be a bit of a dreamer, but he was still a practical person, and he’d been worrying about the reaction of Louis’ oldest friend all week. 

_Especially after the drugs incident._ Harry shuddered at the memory.

And as it turned out, he’d been right to worry, because from the very first second they met, it was abundantly clear that Stan didn’t like him. But somehow, through some magic that Harry couldn’t understand, he’d won Stan over. Harry only wished he knew what had changed, because he might need it again some day. 

He tied his hair up into a messy bun, wishing that Zayn was here to make sure he looked ok, but his friend was up in Manchester meeting with a casting director this evening, and not in London with Harry. Still, Harry was happy for him. Breaking into film had always been Zayn’s dream, even though Harry personally thought that he should have a go at the music industry. Zayn consistently underestimated his voice. 

He straightened his grey t-shirt, tugging at the wide, low neckline until the tips of bird’s wings were visible. 

“Liam, you ready?” He called out to his friend. 

Despite Liam’s slight shyness when meeting people one-on-one, he loved groups. A party would be good for him. Harry was worried that his friend wasn’t talking enough time to unwind. This would be their last big blowout before the tour – Harry not wanting to damage his voice or put on a poor performance, and Liam not having the time. It had been nice of the guys to invite them both. 

“Two seconds! My hair isn’t cooperating!”

Harry Laughed. “You hardly have any hair!”

“That’s the problem! It’s too short to do anything decent with! What am I supposed to do Haz? I need your friends to like me!”

Awww. Liam was precious. “They won’t care about your hair Li! And they already like you!”

And that was the other reason he was glowing. Through some crazy witchcraft, it seemed like all of his favorite people actually liked each other. Liam and Louis had been a little uncertain to begin with, but once the ice had melted they’d clicked together like it was fate. Louis’ sarcastic humor frequently sending Liam into delighted hysterics; they were like naughty children together. 

Harry had been a little concerned with Niall meeting Liam; his best friend and tour manager could be a little snappy this close to the start of a tour, but apparently he needn’t have worried. Somehow Niall’s unbridled energy was contagious, as he darted around getting stuck into a bit of everything, his enthusiasm gently pushing the crew along. In fact, Harry was going to be monitoring Niall a bit more closely from now on, because he was starting to suspect that the blonde was well aware of the effect he was having. Harry had caught him glancing at Liam from time to time, and strangely enough soon after, whatever Liam was worrying about somehow got done. 

Both Niall and Louis seemed to be good for Liam, lightening his mood without being obnoxious. Well, Louis occasionally went a little too far, but after the first time that Liam shouted at him only to receive a cheeky wink and a lightly contrite _‘sorry Liam_ ’, the tour manager obviously realized that he didn’t need to tread so carefully. 

Actually, that might have been part of why they worked. It was probably refreshing for Liam to be able to snap at someone without worrying about the consequences. Harry had asked Louis what he as doing once, when it became obvious that he was purposefully working Liam into a frenzy, and had received a gentle _‘everyone needs to vent’_. So it seemed that both Louis and Niall were working together to make sure that his best friend was ok, and that was so much more than Harry could have hoped for. 

Harry was still a little cautious around Stan. After their first meeting, Louis’ other flat mate had been at work, and hadn’t been able to come to any more rehearsals, but this party had been his idea, and Louis had assured him that Stan was ok with Harry. 

So all in all it had been a good week, Harry reflected. There had been cheerful lunches out with the group, quiet dinners in Louis’ flat, and loud, loud sex in Harry’s. The first time Liam had caught them mid-blowjob in the recording studio had been a little awkward, but he’d gotten over it.

“Ok. Ready!” Liam finally called from the bathroom. 

Harry checked his reflection one last time; hair check, shirt check, bum… still fabulous. Thank fashion for skinny jeans.

•

The door was opened by Stan, much to Harry’s delight, who waved them in with a smile. “Hey guys, come in! Louis is in the kitchen.”

“Great!” Harry shouted over the noise of the party already in full swing. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bag. “Where shall I put the coke?”

Stan’s look of horror was so much better than he could have hoped for. Harry managed to keep a straight face for all of 5 seconds before he broke down into giggles, leaning heavily on Liam who wasn’t doing much better.

“Oh my god, your face! That was amazing.” 

He held up the bag and tried to calm down. “It’s just flour man.” Another giggle escaped. “Your _face!_ ”

Stan’s expression was battling between furious, relived, and amused, but finally it seemed to settle on the latter. “Harry you’re a dick.” He deadpanned. “Throw that away before someone actually tries to snort it.”

“As you wish.” Harry smiled even wider. “So what time are we starting?”

“Starting what?” Stan asked cautiously.

“You know… the sex?”

Stan’s face was totally worth the punch.

•

Louis was in hell. “Oh my god my stomach.” He groaned. 

His mouth was furry and his eyes itched and his head ached. How had someone let this happen?

“Louis?” A small voice called out from across the room. “Louis I think I’m dying.”

There was a cough, followed by a breathy groan. “Louis, I don’t think the peppermint schnapps was a good idea. I don’t think… Louis?”

“Harry.” Louis called, surveying the wreckage of his flat from where he lay on the floor. Why was he on the floor? Where was Harry?

“Harry where are you? Are you ok?”

“Sofa.” Harry called. “I’m not ok Louis. I’m dying.”

A loud Irish laugh startled them both.

“Jesus you two are pathetic. Get your arses into the kitchen, we’ve made breakfast.”

Louis gathered his courage and pulled himself to his feet, only swaying slightly. He waited a few moments for his stomach to settle before slinking slowly over to where Harry was blinking red-rimmed eyes on the sofa, looking as if he might be considering having a good cry.

“Help me Lou. I’m dying.”

Louis smiled fondly and risked bending over to press a soft, closed mouthed kiss to Harry’s lips. God they both smelled disgusting.

“Come on darling. There’s food and paracetamol in the kitchen.” 

Harry’s eyes focused then, and the younger man dragged himself slowly to his feel. “Yes. Good. Drugs are good.”

There was a startled laugh from the kitchen and Stan popped his head around the door. “Don’t you dare start that again Harry,” he grinned, “not unless you want another dead arm!”

Louis led them both carefully into the kitchen, where Liam was sitting at the island with his head down. “Oh god Schnapps.” He moaned. “Why the Schnapps?”

Niall laughed again. “Don’t ask me mate, I never touch the stuff. Still, seemed like you had a good time of it!”

Louis would always be disgusted by how well Niall could hold his drink. It wasn’t fair at all. He looked over to his other flat mate, who was frying bacon like the beacon of hope that he was. “How come you’re ok then Stan? I saw you put away just as much as Liam there.”

Stan laughed. “Maybe I’m just better at it?” He flipped the bacon onto a plate and pushed it in front of Liam. “Or maybe I spent half the night puking peppermint Schnapps.” He shrugged, grinning, “can’t say it was that great at the time, but right now I’m feeling pretty good about it.” 

_Lucky bastard._

“Anyway,” Stan continued, “you’d all better snap out of it because it’s Harry’s last day and we need to make the most of it.”

Louis had been trying very hard not to think of the fact that in less than 15 hours Harry would be leaving for Australia. Harry’s bodyguard would be coming to pick him up and take him to the airport where he would meet Zayn, and the two of them would travel together, his friend to do some promotion of a new TV show, and Harry to kick off his world tour.

Louis looked over and studied Harry, who was looking despondent. “It’ll be ok.” He stroked the younger man’s hand gently where it lay on the table. 

•

The last day went by in a blur. Helped along by the fact that they hadn’t woken up until the afternoon. The five of them cleaned up the flat a little, though Louis was pretty sure that it would never be properly clean again, and then they watched Game of Thrones, because Louis had been horrified to hear that Harry hadn’t seen any of it. 

They’d talked more about Harry’s plans to come out, and once the sun had set Niall had brought out a guitar and they’d played around with writing a song together.

Louis rolled over to stare at Harry in the dark. 

The two of them lay in bed together; resting peacefully after what Harry had dubbed ‘hangover sex’, which was basically regular sex, but much more slowly. Louis actually quite liked it, and Harry hadn’t seemed to have any complaints. 

“Lou.” Harry whispered into the darkness. “I don’t want to go.”

Louis tucked his head into Harry’s damp hair. It smelled faintly of sweat, but mostly of raspberry scented shampoo from the shower they’d shared. 

“I know sweetheart,” Louis snuggled closer, “but this is what you love to do. You were born for it Harry. You’re amazing and you’re going to have a great time and I’ll be here, waiting for every text and call.”

“You promise?” Harry rolled over to stare into his eyes in the dark room, draping a leg over Louis’ and tugging on his hips, pulling him close.

“I promise Harry,” Louis whispered, when they were nose to nose. 

“Good.” Louis let Harry pull him impossibly closer, slotting their mouths together in a deep, lazy kiss. 

“Goodnight Lou.” Harry said, finally pulling back and turning over. 

Louis felt his chest ache as he took in the man in front of him. So beautiful. So special. He felt like he’d known him forever, and yet it had only been three weeks. When Harry was gone, would it still seem like such a good idea? Louis didn’t want to loose him, but it was all so new, so fragile. He imagined that once Harry had left it would all seem like some strange dream.

“Goodnight Harry.” Louis curled himself around the other man’s back, kissing his shoulder softly. He forcibly tramped down on all of his doubts. There was no point worrying, it wouldn’t change anything. Louis had made his decision and he was sticking to it. Besides, Harry said it would all be ok. And Louis trusted Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far!
> 
> I know WIPs are a bit of a gamble, especially from new authors. I really, really appreciate everyone who reads!


	6. Give me everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louis is stressed,  
> Harry is tired,  
> Niall is excited,  
> Liam is busy,
> 
> And Zayn is mysterious and decided that he didn't want to be in this chapter.

 

Harry glanced nervously at his management rep, Paul, who gave him a small nod and a thumbs up. The interview would be going out live in just a few minutes, and Harry had been given a mission.

Cast some doubt.

_Cast some fucking doubt._

In the past week his PR team had been sent into overdrive, trying to arrange his coming out to the best effect. Was he gay/bi/other? Had he always been gay/bi/other? Were previous girlfriends beards/mistakes/real? Meetings upon meetings with words like _spin, profit, story, narrative._

And then there were the other types of meetings. Lessons on how to act, how to behave, and yet more phrases came out, things like _body language, seeding,_ conversations about _too much too soon,_ about _gay but not_ _too gay._ Harry was just about ready to shave his head, start wearing nothing but tracksuits and book himself into celebrity rehab.

So much preparation. So many people working on it. So much risk.

And what instruction did he get before his first live interview of the tour?

Three words.

Cast. Some. Doubt.

Cast some fucking doubt.

What the everloving fuck was Harry supposed to do with that?!? What did that even mean?

Harry sweated in his sheer grey YSL t-shirt. God He hated this shirt. It was itchy, and he thought it made him look washed out and warn, and who on earth wore sheer shirts at breakfast!? _I miss hoodies_ , he thought miserably, _and notmal t-shirts._

The interviewer – a blonde lady in a blue floral shirt and jeans smiled broadly at him.

“Everything ok Harry? Do you need anything?”

Harry shook his head and plastered a smile over his tired face, leaning back into the soft cushions. “No, thanks I’m good. You have a lovely studio. Comfy. I’m almost falling asleep in these chairs.”

She smiled wider, flashing white teeth. _Like a crocodile_. “Thanks, we try.”

Harry shut his eyes and listened to the hurried sounds of the studio. Australian accents were nice, he decided. They were soothing somehow.

A loud voice called out from behind the cameras. “And we’re live in 5, 4, 3, 2…”

He sat up straight and waved to the camera, tuning out the chatter of the interviewer as she introduced him and talked through what they would be doing.

Paul had walked him through it twice already, knowing how Harry liked to be prepared. First a short interview, then a cooking segment where he would try to make something, and finally a performance of the latest single.

Done. Easy. And then out for a public lunch with Liam and ‘friends’, who as far as Harry knew were a handful of up and coming artists that neither of them had ever met but apparently were very supportive of. And then finally back to the hotel for a rest before he was picked up and taken to the stadium.

He tuned back in just in time for the first question. “So Harry, you’re here in Australia for the next two weeks?”

“That’s right yeah.” He smiled into the camera.

“So tell us; what do you think of our country so far?” _Original._

Harry rattled off some pre-prepared statements, joking around a little and keeping the tone light and friendly. The interviewer moved the conversation skillfully from his likes, to his plans there, to his tour, and then finally the new single. Which meant that Harry knew what was coming next. He took a second to mentally brace himself.

_Cast some doubt._

“So Harry, we have to ask, what’s going on with you and Taylor right now?” She asked cheerfully, obviously trying to work the sweet and innocent angle.

Harry shrugged noncommittally. _No denying._ “We’re friends. She’s a nice girl, we get on well I think.”

He’d hoped that would be enough, but it seemed the interviewer wasn’t letting go that easily. “We heard that the two of you had rekindled your, uhh, _friendship._ ” She asked, with a sly smile.

 _What the fuck?!_ He frowned at her. Directly asking if they were dating was forbidden, and that was cutting it seriously fine on live TV. He glanced over at Paul who gestured for him to answer.

“We parted on slightly bad terms last year… I thought it was time we patched things up, so I called her and we talked about everything. She’s a great girl, we’re still friends.”

_And that’s all you’re getting._

Sensing his irritation, or perhaps just aware of how close she was to being banned by his press team, she changed track slightly.

“And Nadine? We hear that the two of you were seen skiing together over your break. There are some rather sweet pictures going around.” Harry was actually surprised at that. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about Nadine in the wake of the Taylor Swift scandal. In fact, he suspected that Simon had been paying people off to make sure that there weren’t any articles about possible cheating.

 Harry thought for a second about how to answer, that relationship had never actually been ‘confirmed’.

He shrugged. “I have a lot of friends. Nadine is lovely, we had a great time Skiing.”

For once it seemed that the interviewer was going to let him off with an easy answer.

“Well then,” she replied, “there might still be hope for all the ladies out there. How about you help them out by telling us four things you look for in a date? Female, I guess should be the first one!” She winked, clearly very pleased with herself.

_Well that was convenient._

Harry glanced over to Paul again, who nodded. He took a deep breath. _Here we go then._

Harry gave the camera a cheeky grin and a wink for good measure. “Not that important,” he said flippantly, with a small shrug.

•

 **Louis** \- Harry

_Harry, you’ve broken Tumblr. Congratulations_

**Harry** \- Louis

_Good or bad?_

**Louis** \- Harry

_Depends on who you ask, but I think good is winning. You really know how to make a splash_

**Louis** \- Harry

_Seriously though, I’m so proud of you. You did good_

**Harry** \- Louis

_You don’t think I went too far too soon?  
_

**Louis** \- Harry

_No babe, you were perfect_

**Louis** \- Harry

_The fans are going crazy but half of them think you were joking, half think you were just being supportive, and half already thought you liked men and think you’re finally rebelling against the evil management._

**Louis** \- Harry

_I know that was too many halves_

**Louis** \- Harry

_Math was never my strong point_

**Harry** \- Louis

_That’s ok babe. At least you’re pretty._

**Harry** \- Louis

_Thanks for the support xx I have to go meet some new artists. Speak soon x_

**Louis** \- Harry

_Have fun superstar x_

 

Louis smiled down at his phone and went back to his social networks. Early morning in Adelaide – where Harry was – meant middle of the night for Louis, and after school for most of the USA. So naturally twitter was going crazy, and the hashtag #notthatimportant was already trending worldwide.

Louis’ twitter account had been somewhat abandoned of late, and he’d never been that consistent to begin with. He logged on and noticed with a puzzled frown that somehow he’d gained an extra two hundred followers. That was weird.

The mystery would have to wait though, because right now there was a fire to help stoke. Louis thought for a second before posting his tweet.

 

_Nice to feel some support from unexpected places. Good work @Harry_Styles proud of you. #notthatimportant_

 

There, that was innocent enough. Louis clicked through to see Harry’s newest tweet about his next performance and frowned.

 

_@Harry_Styles FOLLOWS YOU_

 

When had Harry managed that? Still, the mystery of the new followers was solved.

Louis closed his browser and went back to polishing the mastering of one of his final pieces. Just four more months and his masters would be over.

His week with Harry in London had been perfect, but both him and Niall had gotten a little caught up in it all, and he wasn’t particularly proud of the number of lectures that he’d missed. Catching up was proving to be a bitch.

He’d also begged off multiple shifts at his part time job making coffee for stressed students, so now he had extra shifts to make up as well (and no money, but that was a given).

And aside from the job and the lectures, he only had four months to complete his final three pieces; music that varied from baroque, to music hall, to the pop hit that he was currently finishing. Then in July he would perform all his compositions (7 in total) in a public recital, and that was on top of his music theory and music history exams.

 _Eugh._ He’d be glad when it was over.

Louis hit play again on his laptop _._

The ballad was soft, but with a slight hip-hop edge. Louis had done the best he could with his own high tenor, but really it would lend itself best to a girl’s voice. Someone who could do runs and embellishments, he thought. Still. It wasn’t half bad.

He made one final tweak and then mixed down the tracks into a single mp3 and emailed it to his phone. Then he opened a group chat, added Niall, Stan, and after a brief struggle with himself, Harry, and attached the file.

 

 **Louis** – Irish, Loser, Harry

_Look what I finally finished!_

_ ATTACHMENT A_Losing_Game.mp3 9.6MB _

 

He waited, checking his twitter notifications, all of which were from complete strangers asking if he would DM Harry for them. _Get our own follow_ , he smirked as he tweeted.

 

_To everyone asking me to DM @Harry_Styles for them, the answer is NO_

 

Louis checked his messenger app and saw that all three of them had seen his song. Still, there was no guarantee that they’d listen to it straight away.

To stop himself worrying whilst he waited he decided to set up his own tumblr, and after 20 minutes of wrestling technology, _tommostyles_ finally had his own blog. _Harry can never see this._ He thought, only a little guiltily, as he re-blogged a gif-set from Harry’s last performance.

He jumped away from his computer like a naughty teenager when his phone finally pinged.

 

 **Stan** – Niall, HarryS!, Tommo

_Just listened to it mate, it’s sick! You should try and get it to someone in the industry!!_

Louis looked at the text for a few minutes. _Seriously Stan? Not subtle._

A second ping came through, this time from Niall.

 

 **Niall** – Lucky, Hazza, Tommo

_Ah you beat me too it mate! Just heard it! Amazing Lou!_

**Niall** – Lucky, Hazza, Tommo

_Also, not cool Stan. Did you even check who’s in this chat?!_

**Stan – ** Niall, HarryS!, Tommo

_What are you yapping about?_

**Stan** – Niall, HarryS!, Tommo

_Oh shit. Sorry Harry! I didn’t mean it like that!_

Louis smiled to himself. His friends were idiots, they really were. He clicked around his blog for a few more minutes, not sure if he should reply yet or let Stan panic a bit longer. He decided on the latter.

His phone however, had other feelings.

It pinged again from where it sat on his desk. Louis’ breath caught slightly when he saw who the message was from. _Harry_. He cautiously opened the chat, surprised by how nervous he was.

 

 **Harry** – StanL, Niall, Louis

_It’s completely fantastic Lou! I’m blown away! When will you come and write for me?!!!_

Louis laughed in relief. Thank god for that. Anyway, as if Harry would have said anything else. It was awesome to have such a supportive boyfriend.

_Wait, boyfriend?_

_Shit._ When had he started thinking of Harry as his boyfriend? For all he knew, Harry just saw him as a friend with benefits. Really earth-shattering benefits, but still… Louis needed to stop his mind running away from him. His phone went off again.

 

 **Harry** – StanL, Niall, Louis

_Don’t worry Stan, I agree with you._

**Harry** – StanL, Niall, Louis

_What do you say Louis? Can I send it to some people?_

Louis frowned. He wasn’t sure about what the rules were for his masters and sharing tracks, but Harry was probably just being nice. The chances of anyone actually being interested in his songs were basically non-existent so…

 

 **Louis – ** Irish, Loser, Harry

 _Sure, knock yourself out, but don’t be too disappointed when they turn you down. I know how sensitive you artists can be_ _J_

 **Harry** – StanL, Niall, Louis

_Great! I’ll let you know how it goes!_

**Louis** – Irish, Loser, Harry

_No! No constructive criticism until after my final recital_

If Harry actually did get a music producer to listen to it then he didn’t need their comments ruining his performance.

 

 **Harry** – StanL, Niall, Louis

_But Lou! What if they want to use it right away!_

**Louis – Irish, Looser, Harry**

_Then let them! Seriously Harry, this discussion is pointless. I hereby grant you full rights to this song! Do what you want with it!_

**Harry** – StanL, Niall, Louis

:) _ <3_

**Louis – Irish, Looser, Harry**

_Well delinquents, Harry, It’s the middle of the night and I need my beauty sleep._

**Louis** – Irish, Loser, Harry

_Glad you all liked it x_

Louis opened his private chat with Harry to make sure that the pop star knew that he wasn’t annoyed.

 

 **Louis** \- Harry

_Have a good concert babe, miss you xx_

_  
_

His phone went off four times in rapid succession.

 

 **Stan** – Niall, HarryS!, Tommo

_Night losers_

**Niall** – Lucky, Hazza, Tommo

_Love you all! Miss you Harry!_

**Harry** – StanL, Niall, Louis

_Night all, love you too Niall!_

**Harry** \- Louis

_Sweet dreams love Xx_

 

Louis stared at his phone again, still riding the high of a finished piece. With a start, he snapped out of his daze. Shit he needed to go to bed; he had a morning shift at the coffee shop tomorrow.

•

The phone was ringing.

Louis quickly put down his cleaning supplies and frantically dried off his hands.

The phone was ringing, and Louis couldn’t get to it.

How was he supposed to have a long distance relationship if he couldn’t even get to his phone!?! Harry had only been gone for three weeks and Louis was already letting him down!

He grabbed his phone and swiped it open with a damp knuckle.

“Harry?!” He panted.

The voice on the other end was a little cautious, clearly wondering what was going on. “Everything ok Lou?”

“Yes, Yes! Sorry. I was trying not to drop my phone in a bucket of water. I’m trying this whole cleaning thing, but I don’t seem to be very good at it.”

Harry laughed happily. “Just keep practicing! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that we’ve landed in Singapore and everything’s fine. Liam’s freaking out about the venue but I think it’ll be ok.” There was a pause. “Are you sure you’re all right? You sound a little stressed.”

 _Of course I’m stressed,_ Louis thought tiredly. _I’m exhausted and my house is filthy and I have exams coming up, and coursework, and I have to work six days a week just to keep this crappy flat with two loser housemates that keep forgetting to pay the rent, and never buy food or clean up after themselves._

Late nights and early mornings were starting to wear Louis down, and the mountain of work that he had to do was so intimidating that he’d turned instead to displacement activities. Hence the cleaning.

Louis pushed his troubles to the back of his mind. Harry didn’t need any more burdens. “I’m fine love, don’t worry. Send me pictures?” Louis was genuinely relieved that everything had gone well. He was still a little anxious when it came to planes.

“I can’t help it Lou, I do worry about you. You take on so much.” _Coming from the pop star with 83 gigs over 9 months, a new album to record and hours and hours of promo whilst seeding a coming out?_ Louis’ problems were a joke compared to that. “But don’t worry,” Harry continued, “just six more days and then I’m back for a break.” he spoke gently, “’m going to properly look after you Lou. You’ll see.”

Louis heard a man shouting from wherever Harry was.

“I’m sorry Lou, I have to go. I just wanted to check in and see how you were. Sorry I don’t have more time to talk. I’ll call you from the hotel later, and like I said, just another week and then I can come take care of you properly. There’ll be breakfast in bed and massages and everything.”

Louis was pretty sure that he looked utterly ridiculous right now with his cheesy grin, but he couldn’t manage to care. Harry was unbelievably sweet. _Just wanted to check in._ How was Harry even real?

_Best boyfriend ever._

“Boyfriend?!” _Shit. Oh shit damn crappity crap._

“What? No! I mean… What? You umm– that wasn’t meant to be out loud.” Louis sighed in resignation. Just when things were going so well he’d put his foot in it again. What the hell as wrong with him?

There was the sound of a door slamming and some more shouting from Harry’s end.

“Listen Harry, I’ve got to go. Lots to do and all. Talk soon, yeah? Bye!”

“Lou– !” Louis cut Harry off, quickly hanging up the phone.

Probably in a few hours his mind would catch up with what was going on, but for now… he stared down blankly.

A loud ping broke his staring contest, startling Louis so hard that his phone once again nearly ended up in the bucket of soapy water.

It was Liam.

_Double shit._

 

 **Liam** \- LouisT

_What did you do??_

**Liam** \- LouisT

_I think you broke him_

_  
_

A sudden hot flash of fear hit Louis. Oh god, was Harry angry with him for trying to push things too fast? He typed out a hurried text.

**Louis** – Liam

_Is he upset?_

**Liam** \- LouisT

_?_

**Liam** \- LouisT

_Don’t think so. He’s staring into space with this stupid smile. Really out of it.  
_

**Laim** \- LouisT

_Paul thinks he’s having a religious experience_

**Laim** \- LouisT

_Pauls a bit weird though_

****

Well that… that didn’t sound bad. Religious experiences were good weren’t they? Well, except for like, the crucifixions and shit, and the genocide. Oh god, did Harry look like he’d just witnessed a mass murder?! Is that what Paul meant?!. Jesus. Louis needed more clarification!! He typed another text with shaky fingers.

**Louis** – Liam

_I called him my boyfriend._

_  
_

Louis shut his eyes and waited. The phone pinged.

_  
_

**Liam** \- LouisT

_Brilliant! He’s been whining for weeks._

The relief that washed over Louis was like a slap in the face. But you know, a good slap in the face. Like the kind that was about to lead to better things. He took out his phone again and decided to take a risk.

He re-typed the message several times, before deciding to keep it simple.

 

 **Louis** \- Harry

_Was that ok?_

_  
_

The reply from Harry was almost instantaneous.

 

 **Harry** \- Louis

_Definitely ok!_

**Louis** \- Harry

_So… boyfriend?_

**Harry** \- Louis

_Boyfriend! <3_

•

The airport was cold and breezy and the air smelled like the promise of rain. Harry took a deep breath and jogged across the tarmac to his waiting car. Louis had wanted to pick him up, but Simon had said a very definite _no._ To be honest, Harry could see where he was coming from. It was too soon for those sorts of headlines, and much too soon to drag his boyfriend through the press.

Harry still felt a pleasant shiver when he thought the word. _Boyfriend._ This would be the first time that he’d really seen Louis in four weeks – Skype didn’t count, even if the sex had been an adventure. And now he got to have Louis all to himself for the next 8 days. Well, most of it, his mum would skin him if he didn’t stop by for a visit. _Is it too early to take Louis home with me?_  

Harry gazed out the window as London zipped past, finally letting himself relax fully for the first time in four weeks. Instead of heading towards his own house he’d instructed his driver to take him to Louis’ flat. He would be staying with the three friends for four days, before going to visit his mum in Holmes Chapel for two days, and then back again to Louis for the rest of his break.

It was good to be back.

•

“Pull up a chair Hazza, Stan’s making the tea and Lou’s due back any second.”

Harry plonked himself down at the table, feeling oddly at home now that he was back in Louis’ small, run-down flat. Niall looked over at him and winked.

“So… not that important, eh mate?” Niall paused. “Also, nice work on the baking. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

Harry smiled and shrugged. He was actually pretty proud of that – the gay thing that was, not his victoria sponge, although that had been pretty spectacular. “Did the job, didn’t it?”

“That it did!” Niall replied happily. “You did good work there. Got everyone talking.”

Stan came in and put three cups of tea on the table. “Just don’t let it go to your head Styles. There’s still a long way to go.”

“Yeah, about 8 months.” He didn’t need or appreciate the reminder that there was almost a year left in the closet, but the man had brought him tea, so he got a pass for now.

The banging of the front door sent Harry scurrying to his feet, tea forgotten.

“Lou!” He rushed into the living room and caught his boyfriend happily round the waist, spinning him around, bag and all.

There was a strangled yelp and a giggle from the smaller man. “Unhand me you swine!”

“Never.” Harry whispered, resting his hands gently on Louis’ waist, breathing him in. “I missed you so much.”

He rested his forehead against his boyfriends and shut his eyes, basking in how warm, how _real_ Louis was. Four weeks with only Skype was not fair. Not fair at all.

The moment was broken by a loud shout from the front door, where the other two had somehow migrated without Harry noticing. “Me an’ Niall are going to the cinema. You two have fun! Be safe!” Stan shouted over his shoulder as the door slammed shut behind him.

 _Well,_ Harry grinned. How thoughtful of them.

He took a large step back and surveyed the man in front of him with hungry eyes. His forehead was more lined than before, his hair was a touch greasy, and there was a coffee stain on his shirt, presumably from work, but to Harry he’d never looked better.

“I’d almost forgotten what it was like to touch you.” Harry said roughly, suddenly feeling desperate.

Blue eyes went sharp as Louis looked Harry pointedly up and down. “Well we cant have that,” Harry could _feel_ the intent in his voice as Louis stalked slowly forwards. “But it’s been a long day Harry, I need to shower first.”

Harry swallowed. An idea came to him. “I promised to take care of you…” he hooked his fingers into the smaller man’s belt and walked backwards towards the bathroom, pulling Louis along. “Let me?”

Louis nodded silently, his piercing gaze never leaving Harry’s. “Please…”

Harry dragged them both through the door and pushed Louis until he was pressed up against the sink. He leaned forwards, crowding into the other man’s space. “Stay.” He growled.

Harry left Louis for a second, turning on the taps over the small bath and squeezing in a generous amount of bubbles. The scent of lavender began to fill the warm air.

He turned back quickly and smiled in satisfaction to see Louis still standing where he’d been placed. “Good boy.” He stroked a hand down Louis’ sides and played with the hem of his shirt. “You deserve a reward.”

Harry peeled Louis’ shirt slowly over his head and threw it gracelessly to the floor, taking a second to do the same with his own. He pressed their chests together, nipping gently at the side of Louis’ neck and grinding their hips together. The smaller man gave a happy sigh.

Harry turned his attention downwards, worrying at Louis’ tanned collarbones, and trailing small licks down his chest, getting breathy little groans in return.

“Missed you Haz, so much… Aah.” Louis whimpered, his head tipping back.

Harry dripped to his knees and fumbled at the other man’s jeans, growling in frustration. “Lou… babe. You look amazing. ‘missed you too. Kept wanting to touch…”

The button popped open and Harry cheered in his head. He dragged the zip down and buried his face in Louis’ cotton clad dick, breathing him in, too impatient to undress him further. Harry nuzzled there for a minute like an overgrown cat whilst Louis shook above him.

“Babe please. _Please._ ” Louis begged, one of his hands coming up to tug at Harry’s hair. He groaned at the feeling.

“Need you Lou.” His voice was thick as he tugged down jeans and boxers together. His mouth watered when Louis’ erection finally sprung free. _Lou._ “ _Shit._ Need you in my mouth. _Now._ Need to taste you. Oh god Lou. Can I? Please?”

“Harry,” Louis’ voice cracked. “I will honestly kill you if you don’t.”

He didn’t need any more encouragement than that.

Harry leant forwards and took Louis into his mouth, wrapping his hand around the base and sucking hard, trying to get every taste of Louis that he could. _Oh god. Louis._ He hummed in pleasure, and made small, approving noises when Louis shouted and pulled sharply at his hair.

“Oh god,” Louis groaned. “So good love, you feel… god!”

Harry swiped his tongue over the head and moved his free hand lower, back behind Louis’ balls, teasing at his hole. Drops of pre come burst over his tongue. Harry whined.

He started up a rhythm, bobbing his head in time with his hand, pinning Louis’ hips against the jerky thrusts that the other man couldn’t seem to control.

_Fuck that’s hot._

Harry watched in fascination as the beautiful man fell apart beneath him. The air was hot and warm and sweat was beading in his hair. His dick throbbed.

“Harry, Haz… close.” Louis bit out.

Harry pulled off with a whine, giving one last lick before he stood up.

Louis’ beautiful eyes were glassy and confused as Harry backed away. “What? Babe…”

“Bath’s done Lou.” He undid his own jeans shakily, and slowly pushed them down his thighs, quickly following with his boxers. “You should get in.” His voice was gruff.

A stab of arousal went through him as Louis jumped to comply. How had Harry managed without this for so many weeks? He needed to be Louis’ again, he needed to feel wanted. He needed…

“I need you to fuck me Lou.” Harry realized. “I need to ride you. Can you do that?”

“I– _Fuck_.” Louis turned back to the sink and scrabbled underneath for a few seconds, finally coming up with a small tube of lube and a condom.

“I can do that” he shuddered. “I can do that.”

Harry watched impatiently as the shorter man climbed into the hot water and sat back, knees bent. His stomach curled as he watched the sweat pool on Louis’ collarbones.

“Lou,” his voice was strained as he lowered himself either side of strong thighs. Thighs that he wanted wrapped around himself. But later. Later. “I missed you so much. So much.” He groaned into Louis’ shoulder.

“I know Haz, me too.” He shuddered in anticipation as Louis slipped a wet finger gently inside him; it was warm from the hot air. God, sex in the bath was _amazing_ , Harry couldn’t understand why they weren’t doing this all the time.

His legs began to shake from holding himself above the water line as Louis thrust his fingers back and forth inside of him. First just the one, then two, and then three, scissoring and stretching and filling him up.

“More” he panted. “More.” Sweat was running down his neck now; a combination of exertion and heat, and Harry’s head was swimming.

He growled out, impatient. “Lou, I’m ready. I’m ready. Lou!”

“ _Shit!_ ” Louis cursed. “Love, I know you want to ride me but… the water… how?”

Harry frowned. What was Louis going on about? Water? It didn’t matter! He needed him inside. He needed him _now._

“Lou… Please. Just –” Harry threw his head back and whined in frustration as Louis’ fingers left him.

“Okay, okay. Shit!” The smaller man braced himself against the back of the tub and thrust his hips up out of the water, fumbling on the condom and slicking himself up.

“I can’t hold this Haz… you have to do it now. Haz!”

Harry lifted himself up higher and guided Louis dick to his entrance, sitting down in one smooth motion that made him cry out and the two of them crash into the bottom of the tub, sending water cascading over the sides.

“Shit!” Harry moaned. “Oh god Lou. Feels amazing. So full. So good babe. So good… and the water. _Shit._ ”

He wiggled his hips experimentally, feeling the throb of the stretch amplified with the heat of his blood rushing through his veins. It was so much, almost too much. Harry’s vision swam, greying slightly at the edges. Sweat dripped off his chin.

Louis shook beneath him, thrusting up weakly. His hair was slicked to his forehead and Harry brushed it back, pressing a kiss to his salty skin. He rocked harder, grinding against Louis, finding that spot inside himself over and over, setting off fireworks underneath his skin as heat pooled in his belly.

Harry kept at it, drawing himself closer to the edge with small, teasing thrusts.

“Haz,” Louis was making high pitched whining noises hat Harry had never heard before. “Haz please. I need more. I need more.”

“Anything Lou,” Harry’s mind was floating, caught somewhere between pleasure and heat exhaustion and he barely registered as Louis fought his way to his knees, lifting Harry off and onto the floor.

“On your knees love,” the other man commanded, and Harry couldn’t help but comply. “So beautiful… you look– god Haz, you look amazing. You’re doing so good babe.”

Harry shivered as kisses were pressed down his spine; Louis’ lips cold after the heat of the water. The firm push of Louis filling him up again shouldn’t have surprised him, but somehow it did. He moaned loudly. “Louis!”  

Louis babbled curses and compliments behind him, his thrusts speeding up changing his angle once, twice, three times, until Harry shouted out as heat flared up his spine. “Lou!”

“Oh god. Shit. Haz!” Louis’ thrusts became erratic. The heat in Harry’s belly was building… building.

Harry felt a strong hand tangle in his hair and drag him up and back into a kiss. “Louis!” He cried out as the heat burst out and over him, sending him spilling onto his belly.

Dimly he registered Louis shouting out behind him before his vision went white.

•

The clock ticked quietly in the kitchen, competing against the soft sounds of the TV and the humming of the fridge.

Louis lay with his head on the table, listening.

Light footsteps padded across the carpet.

“You’re not working Lou.”

He sniffed. “Can’t. Bored. Hungry.”

Harry laughed. “Well the, how about we go out and get you some food?”

Louis attempted to shake his head but his forehead was still pressed to the backs of his arms. He settled for a shrug instead. “Can’t. Too much to do.”

A large warm hand settled on the back on his neck, kneading gently. “Ok, I’ll order something then?”

Louis made a small noise that he hoped conveyed equal amounts of firmness and regret.

“Can’t afford it.”

The hand changes tactics, rubbing small circles under his jaw.

“My treat.”

Louis huffed. “No Harry, you bought lunch yesterday, and dinner.”

The hand stilled, and tugged gently on his hair. Louis lifted his head and let it fall back against Harry’s warm stomach.

“I which you would let me take care of you Lou,” Harry muttered quietly.

Louis didn’t know what to say to that. He loved being taken care of by Harry, but this relationship would never work if all he did was take.

Harry’s thumbs gently ran across his forehead and between his eyebrows, smoothing out the tension. “Ok then, what about this.” He continued. “We have rice and some leftover veggies. I’m going to cook you something.”

Louis snuggled back into Harry’s soft jumper. “My hero.” He smiled. “How are you so amazing?”

Louis could feel the warmth of Harry’s grin, even if he couldn’t see it. “I’s not me Lou, it’s _us._ We just work.”

Louis stood then, turning round and walking into Harry’s space. “We do work.” He hooked his arms around the taller man’s waist and dipped his hands into Harry’s jean pockets. “But you’re still amazing.”

He tiled his head up for the kiss that he knew was coming. He wasn’t disappointed. One thing that Louis was learning was that Harry _loved_ to kiss. Any time Louis came close enough Harry would dart in with quick lips. There were the soft dry kisses, the slow luxurious kisses, deep kisses that made Louis’ chest ache, hurried, biting kisses that made his insides burn, and everything in between.

Louis was pretty sure that he could tell Harry’s mood just from his kiss, and right now, he was kissing with firm, languid lips, all warmth and coiled strength. As if he could turn the kiss into something rough and fast at any moment, or just as easily stand there all day, contentedly worshipping Louis’ mouth.

Harry sighed as he pulled away. “Ok babe. Sit. I’ll make us something, and then later tonight you can let me know how amazing it was.”

Louis grinned and snuck back in for one last kiss. “Deal.”

•

The photographer ran a small distance ahead of Harry, snapping quick candids and trying to make them look like he hadn’t been paid to be there. There was one day left before Harry had to go back to work, and Simon had demanded that he be seen.

Still, on the bright side, Louis and Niall had both been convinced to take some time out of their studies to go with him, so it wasn’t a completely wasted day.

He turned around to walk backwards a few steps. _Enjoy my butt, pap._ The shutter going off wasn’t audible above the crowded London street, but Harry could feel it all the same. “We have to go here next.” Harry tilted his head towards the Louis Vuitton shop that they’d been walking past.

“Wow mate, you sure like to spend.” Niall’s grin swallowed most of his face. Harry had known he would like shopping with Niall. The blonde was incredibly enthusiastic, and never seemed to run out of energy.

He glanced over to Louis, who was smiling curiously, his head constantly whipping round from side to side as he tried to take it all in. Harry hoped that he was having a good time; at least he knew that Louis liked clothes. His boyfriend clearly wasn’t bored.

The only problem he currently had was that Louis wouldn’t let him buy him anything. And with Louis turning down his offers, Niall wasn’t accepting anything either, which meant that Harry had a steadily increasing mountain of bags that he was starting to get embarrassed about.

The thing was, he _had_ to buy things. That was the point of promo. Half of the things he was picking up weren’t even paid for!

Harry thought about that for a second. Maybe Louis would take something free?

He watched carefully as Louis cooed over some tan leather sneakers that Harry knew would go perfectly with Louis’ collection of skinny jeans. The sales clerk approached him with a warm smile and a grey bomber jacket. _Jenny_ , he remembered. “Pleased to see you again Harry!” She held out her hand, which he shook warmly.

“We had hoped that you might take a few pictures, wear this out of the shop?” She smiled brighter. “It’s all free of charge of course.”

Harry gave her his best pop star smile and nodded. “Absolutely, thank you it’s beautiful.” He shrugged out of his pea coat and placed it gently into another bag. The jacket scratched slightly around his shoulders, but it fit perfectly.

The clerk, _Jenny_ , took his phone when he offered it and snapped a few pictures. He sent the best to Simon to do with as he pleased, and they chatted idly as he posed patiently for her to take pictures of her own.

Finally they were done. Jenny beamed at him. “Thank you for doing business with us. Is there anything else I can offer you?” She glanced around. “I notice your friends seem to be interested in some things?”

Harry hesitated. Louis would never let him buy him £500 shoes.

Fortunately, it seemed he didn’t have too. Jenny swept past him with a smile and over to the display.

“A lovely choice Sir.” She turned her attention to Louis. “They would go beautifully with what you’re wearing.”

“I– Umm, no sorry, I can’t afford these.” The smaller man stammered.

She frowned slightly and glanced at Harry. “Of course not Sir, we would never ask you to _pay_ for these. We have a promotional arrangement with Mr. Styles.”

Louis frowned. “Oh… But I’m not famous or anything.”

Her laugh seemed to relax Louis slightly, but he still looked as puzzled as ever. “I’m sorry,” she smiled. “I guess you’re new to this. Look, that photographer out there might be here for Harry, but he’s talking pictures of all three of you.” She gestured at Niall, who walked over from where he’d been examining the sunglasses.

“Tomorrow, there will be pictures in the papers of Harry Styles out shopping with friends, and people won’t just be looking at what _he’s_ wearing. Trust me, the benefits of a friend of Harry’s being seen in Louis Vuitton,” she nodded at the shoes, “are worth much more than a £500 pair of trainers.”

Harry studied Louis, watching the wheels of his head turn.

“Lou,” he sighed. “This is how the industry works. These are being paid for, just not with money. _You_ being seen in them _is_ youpaying for them.”

Jenny nodded approvingly. “Exactly.”

“Seriously?” Niall asked with evident glee.

Harry grinned in response. “Yup.”

Niall held up the sunglasses. “So if I wanted these…”

Jenny grinned, “Wonderful! If you’d just let me take a few pictures of you in them, you can wear them out. Ok?

Niall was practically jumping in delight. “Oh my god! Amazing!” See, Harry was right; shopping with the blonde was awesome.

He nudged Louis, whose smile was starting to look little brighter. “So?”

The smaller man laughed at Niall’s obvious delight as he posed for photo after photo. “Wouldn’t want Harry Styles’ entourage to be badly dressed.” He relented.

Harry felt giddy with the unexpected victory. He laughed happily. “I won’t have it! Only the best for you Lou!”

•

A car honked from outside the dirty terrace, but Louis was trapped. “Babe,” he mumbled gently, “I think that’s for you.”

The bigger man squeezed him tighter. “Don’t want to go.”

Louis smiled. “Just seven weeks Haz. Seven weeks until you get a proper break. It’ll be amazing, you’ll see.”

The car honked again. “’s too long.”

“I know. But we can do it love. We can. And you’re going to have an amazing time.” Louis tried his hardest to ignore the burning in his chest. If he cried then there’d be no holding Harry back.

“You could come visit me?”

Louis sighed. “I can’t Haz, we’ve talked about this. I don’t have time, and I can’t afford it.”

“I–”

Louis cut him off. “No babe. Lets’ not do this now yeah? I’m really going to miss you. How about you leave me something to remember you by.”

He tilted his head back, but the kiss didn’t come.

Harry was gazing calculatingly at him with his big green eyes, smiling gently. “Anything you say, Lou.”

Louis’ surprised laughter turned into a groan as the taller man leant down and sucked a large purple bruise into his neck.

•

Louis waited patiently for the Skype call to connect. After four weeks of touring Asia, the Middle East and Africa, Harry was now in Canada, and about to perform his last show before heading off to the USA. Louis was tired just thinking about it, and Harry still had another two weeks before he got to take a break. He never complained about it, but Louis could see that the strain was starting to take its toll.

Louis himself wasn’t in the best state either. He had a little less than seven weeks before his recital, and his seven pieces were due in at the end on June. Less than six weeks to get them perfect. And on top of all of that, somewhere in between those two things he had his exams.

_Seven more weeks and it’ll all be over._

The Skype call was still ringing and Louis briefly considered hanging up and waiting for Harry to call back. He left it ringing. Harry’s calls and texts were the only thing keeping him sane right now.

He shut his eyes and sunk back into the ratty sofa. The stuffing was starting to come out of the cushion he was sitting on, and there was a wire somewhere that would poke you if you moved around too much. Niall said it gave it character.

The call connected, startling Louis, and an exhausted looking Harry pulled the computer into his lap. Louis recognized the dull grey of the tour bus. That was a bit strange, Harry was supposed to be in a hotel tonight.

“Lou,” Harry’s smile was strained. “Hey. Miss you.”

“Miss you too,” Louis replied automatically. “I thought you were in a hotel tonight?”

Louis cursed himself for his choice of words as Harry’s face fell. “Change of plan. We decided to get to the next venue early to meet fans. There are some kids from one of these medical foundations, not sure which one.”

Louis frowned. Harry was so good to his fans, and he was sure that these kids would be forever grateful to Harry for going to meet them, but still. He worried about the younger man.

“Babe that’s great. Just, make sure that you’re looking after yourself too yeah?”

“I do Lou, but you just don’t understand.” Harry paused for a second too long, clearly frustrated, but with what Louis wasn’t sure. “I have a responsibility. I’m in a special position here, and I have to use it properly.”

He sighed. “I understand Harry, I do. I just worry that you try to do too much.”

Harry made a frustrated sound and banged his hand roughly on the side of the tour bus. “No you don’t understand Louis, you don’t. How can you possibly get it? These people pay so much money to see me. They do everything for me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. I have to do this Lou.”

Louis sat back from the monitor and swallowed down his answering irritation. It wasn’t like Harry to be bad tempered. He must be under an enormous amount of stress, and judging by the slightly glazed look in his eyes, he wasn’t sleeping properly. And on top of that Harry wasn’t likely to get much rest whilst traveling tonight. He never could sleep on the tour bus.

“Ok Haz, Ok.” He spoke softly. “Do what you have to. I just wish I was there to take care of you.”

Harry sighed quietly and shook his head. “You still could be, if you wanted? You could come see me?”

Louis felt another stab of irritation. “I can’t Harry, I told you. I can’t afford it and I have too much work.”

Harry huffed out an irritated sound and ran his hand roughly through his hair. “And I told you Lou. I will pay for it. I don’t care. It’s just money and I want to see you.”

Louis barked out an irritated laugh. “I have a job Harry, I can’t just leave.”

“But you can! I don’t understand why you won’t come and see me! Just fucking quit Lou, it doesn’t matter! I know you hate that job!”

Louis felt his patience rapidly deteriorating. Harry might be tired but it didn’t give him the right to tell Louis how to live. As if Harry could understand? He’d made his first million at 16. He’d probably never had to worry about money for a day in his life.

“No you don’t understand!” Louis growled back. “Because even if you couldn’t buy literally anything you wanted, people would just give you stuff anyway. And you know what? The real world doesn’t work that way. I know you’ve never worked a real job, but they don’t fucking work that way!”

“Never worked a real job?” Harry whispered dangerously.

“You know what I mean!” Louis snapped.

“No Louis, apparently I don’t. Why don’t you explain it to me.” Harry’s voice was cold.

“Fine!” He threw his hands up, his patience finally breaking. “I work all day because otherwise I can’t afford to fucking eat Harry. When I go into shops, people don’t just fucking give me things, and when something is too expensive then I have to decide whether it’s worth the crap I would have to go through to fucking get it!” Louis felt his anger rise with every sentence bitten out. Why the fuck did Harry not understand real fucking people!?

“So coming to see me isn’t worth it?” Harry spat.

_Don’t you fucking guilt trip me._

“How dare you say that! What the fuck Harry!? Do you know how hard I had to work to make up the weeks I spent messing around with you?”

Harry flinched like he’d been slapped, his eyes widening. “Messing around? We were just messing around?”

A second wave of anger hit Louis, spurred on by guilt, and the sick feeling that was starting to creep into his stomach. This was stupid. This whole conversation was pointless. Harry was being fucking obtuse.

“Fuck you Harry. That’s not fair! I know you live in this ridiculous world where people give you everything you want, but normal people don’t get to jet off to America because their boyfriend needs a cuddle!”

The silence was heavy. Louis’ hands were shaking with adrenaline, and something cold and solid that he thought might be shame twisted in this gut, setting his teeth on edge. He shut his eyes and tried to calm down. Harry just didn’t understand. It wasn’t his fault. He _couldn’t_ understand.

Harry’s voice was harsh between them. “For fucks sake Lou, this is stupid. I have money. I can buy you whatever you fucking want. You don’t need a shitty job. Just let me–”

Louis saw red.

“What the fucking hell Harry!! After all that and you still try to fix me?! I’m not a fucking charity case ok?! Why is the way I live not ok for you? Why is who I am not enough for you!?”

He stopped on a yell. The ice twisted higher, following the well-warn path dug by exhaustion. A faint buzzing started up somewhere behind him. He paused as the weight of his words resonated through his head.

He was quiet when he spoke again.

“…I’m never going to be enough am I?” His voice dripped into the silence like water in a cave, carving at the rock, whittling it into something else, something dangerous. “I can’t live the way you do Harry, and I can’t just drop everything to follow you around.”

He shook his head against the cold creeping up his neck. “You can’t just throw money at problems and expect everything to be ok. I…” his voice iced over. “I have my own life. I can’t be the person you want me to be.”

Tired curls shook from across the continents. “Lou– That’s not what I want. I don’t– Lou, no–” Harry whispered urgently, the shock finally washing away the anger on his face.

Louis shook his head. “I’ll never be good enough Harry. Not for you.”

Louis watched numbly as tears started dripping silently off of Harry’s beautiful eyelashes. “Lou no. How can you think that? Lou–”

From a long way away he heard someone speaking. He thought it might be him… Another him. From another life.

“I can’t do this anymore Harry. It’s too hard.”

“No. Lou– Please. _Please._ ” The voice was desperate mow. Pleading. But the stranger in his head didn’t notice.

He leant forwards and rested his hand on the laptop; his face was grey from an anger he could no longer feel.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He said blankly.

“Lou. Lou. Please. Lou!” The voice was louder now, but the buzzing in his head drowned it out.

“Don’t call me.”

“Louis!”

The stranger clicked the laptop shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inevitable really.


	7. There are rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Harry has a plan,  
> Louis is afraid,  
> Niall is a good friend,  
> Liam worries,  
> and Zayn totally ships Larry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In british english, color is spelt colour. And dammit, that's how I'm spelling it. Whatever my spellchecker says.
> 
> If anyone is interested, the timezones do all link up. I am working off a timeline (bless you excel) with the dates and locations of Harry's tour. I hope it isn't too confusing.

The knocking on the door was really starting to hurt Harry’s head. He burrowed further into his pillows and attempted to block it out.

“I know you’re in there Harry!” Liam shouted through the door.

Harry pulled the covers up over his head. Liam would never find him.

“I know you’re there, and I have a key. I’m coming in. Please don’t be naked.”

Harry winced as the door slammed and the duvet was roughly pulled back.

“Christ Harry, it’s disgusting in here.” Harry wrinkled his nose. It wasn’t that bad. Sure, maybe he hadn’t showered after the gig two days go and maybe he’d had a lonely drink or two last night but he’d seen much worse. Besides, he’d had a two-day break. He was allowed.

Harry grumbled under his breath and curled deeper into his pillows.

“That’s enough Harry. You have work to do today.” Liam shook his head. “I should never have left you to get like this.”

“You aren’t my keeper Liam.” Harry griped.

“You’re right. I’m just your tour manager and best friend. And speaking as your tour manager, you need to get the hell up, shower, and be ready in 30 minutes for an interview.”

Harry sighed heavily and started to untangle himself. “And speaking as my best friend?”

Liam patted him on the shoulder. “You need to get the fuck up loser. This problem isn’t going to fix itself.”

Harry slipped back onto the mattress from where he’d almost been on his feet for the first time in two days.

"He’s gone Liam.” His chest hurt. His eyes hurt. His stomach hurt. He felt sick. Actually, he’d felt sick for a while now. Six days to be exact.

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s sulking just as much as you are. Just call him.”

“Can’t.” Harry forcibly pushed the idea away. The four days he’d spent expecting a call that never came had been some of the longest of his life. He couldn’t get his hopes up again, it hurt too much.

“Why not?”

_Because he hates me._ “He told me not to.”

Liam surprised him then by pulling him up into a hug. “Hazza. It’s all going to work out, just you wait. The guy is crazy about you. I spoke to Niall you know. Apparently he’s locked himself in his room and is only composing dirges.”

“What’s a dirge?” Harry asked, latching on to the least offensive part of Liam’s information. He couldn’t think about Louis. _He couldn’t._

“I don’t know. I thought you would know. Whatever it is it’s bad.” Liam hugged him tighter. “Anyway my point is you haven’t lost him. Just give him a bit of time to work through it all yeah?”

Harry’s heart gave a weak throb and his eyes burned. _Dammit Liam_. He frowned at the carpet, getting himself back under control. “I miss him Li.” He admitted quietly. “It was such a stupid fight. Why can’t he understand that I’d do anything for him?”

“I don’t know Haz.” Liam pulled him in again, kissing him on the forehead. “But if he can’t see that you’re worth the fight then _he’s_ not worth it.”

That small act of caring was too much for Harry. He shook his head and tugged on his friend’s shirt desperately, feeling tears well up. He was surprised he had any left at this point. ”But he is worth it Li. He is. I need him.” He choked.

“Oh Haz,” Liam sighed and cuddled Harry’s tall frame to his chest. “You managed just fine for your first 21 years without him. You can do this.” Liam rested his chin on the top of Harry’s head. “But trust me, it’ll be ok. If he hasn’t called you by the end of the week I will fly to London myself to kick his sorry ass.”

Harry gave a watery smile. _Get it together._ ”Now,” Liam continued, “get up and get in the shower. You smell disgusting and I don’t care how famous you are; no one likes a stinky pop star.”

•

Having Zayn Malik’s phone number was not something Louis could seem to get used to. _Using_ Zayn Malik’s phone number was just unthinkable, and that was why it had taken Stan stealing his phone and calling up said TV personality, model and soon to be movie-star to organize this evening.

Louis checked his hair nervously in the car mirror. They were only going to a low-key pub together, but he didn’t want to embarrass his famous friend. Harry had told him stories of Zayn not letting the curly-haired star out of the hotel room because his clothes were ‘not up to standard’, and if super-star-Harry wasn’t good enough... _Harry_ , he thought with a dull ache, whom Louis hadn’t spoken to since he’d told him not to call, a week yesterday. Hence Stan finally getting fed up enough of his moping to steal his phone and call Zayn.

Louis had spent the past week in a sort of fugue state. Composing the most miserable things he could manage and trying to work out what had happened. He’d fucked up. That much was apparent. But he didn’t know what he was supposed to _do_ about it. He didn’t know what he wanted to do about it. The only thing he did know was that there was now a large Harry-shaped hole where his life used to be.

“Ok,” Niall pulled the car up to the curve. “Out you get. Hopefully Zayn can get you out of this mess.”

Louis nodded numbly. Yes. That was what he needed. Someone needed to fix this, because he didn’t know how.

“Chin up mate,” Niall punched him gently on the shoulder. “Look at you, you’re washed and in clean clothes and out of the house. This is progress!”

Louis slunk slowly out of the car. “Thanks Ni. See you tomorrow.”

He ignored the slightly concerned face of his friend and headed into the pub, only to be faced with another slightly concerned, but mostly angry face.

“So,” Zayn Malik stared down at him with the force or all reality TV. “You’ve decided to come out of hiding.”

“I–” Louis did not know what to say to that, so instead he stared around the bar vacantly. “I didn’t… I don’t… I tried to do– but I didn’t know how– So then I… But he…” He trailed off.

_Harry likes bars. Maybe he would like it here._ He thought absently. He listened to the steady chatter and laughter of the patrons. One of them was tall with curly hair. He liked curly hair.

His stomach clenched hard and he turned away from the offending stranger.

Zayn deflated so suddenly that Louis flinched. The taller man looked down at him worriedly and took his arm, guiding him to a table. “Wow you’re really in a mess aren’t you?”

“I–” Louis tried and failed once more.

“Well that makes me feel a bit more charitable.” The concern was slowly starting to outweigh the anger on Zayn’s face, and were Louis in a slightly saner mood he might appreciate this newfound ability to read the man.

“Look Lou. I’m super pissed at you for hurting Harry, and I said I’d come see you today for the sole purpose of ripping you a new one. Liam told me what you said to Hazza you know. It wasn’t nice.”

Louis’ gut twisted in a way that had become extremely familiar over the past week. “I know.” He whispered, the wave of shame was familiar too, and he wasn’t even sure what for. What had he said? That he was never going to be good enough? _You aren’t_. A treacherous voice whispered. He gazed around the bar once more.

“…going to give you a chance.” Louis tuned back in.

There was a silence at the table, Zayn looking at him expectantly. Louis waited; wondering if now was when Zayn was going to shout at him.

“This would be your chance Lou, slipping away.”

_Oh._

“Zayn…” Louis started, not knowing how to even begin.

“Yes?” Zayn replied.

“Harry?” Louis tried, focusing on what was important. 

“Harry.” Zayn replied.

So apparently this wasn’t going to be easy. Louis shut his eyes. _Focus on what’s important._

“How’s he doing?” That was it. That was what was important.

Zayn frowned and shifted in his seat. “He’s had a hard week, you really did a number on him. Liam had to give him quite a few kicks up the bum… but he’s showering now. So there’s that.”

The shame was back. Louis fidgeted against the sensation. “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t… it was such a stupid fight. I just… 

He focused for a second on just breathing, trying to untangle his thoughts. When he finally calmed down he looked Zayn in the eye. ”You don’t understand it.” He tried. “You can’t. It’s so hard to date someone so– someone like you. I kept waiting for him to realize that I’m not good enough, and I panicked. I thought he was trying to… He just, he kept trying to spend money on me, and pretend that I’m someone I’m not. Like the life I live somehow isn’t good enough…”

Louis paused again, taking another deep breath and holding up a hand to stop Zayn’s inevitable defense of his friend. He had to get this out. “I know he would never mean it like that. I really do. It’s just… I can feel myself falling so fucking hard, and it would be so easy to give up to it, to just follow him around and be there for him and live my life for him. But if I do that, then what’s left of me? And I’m so afraid that I’ll give my life up for him, and then one day he’ll wake up and realize that he can have anyone he want’s and then…”

His voice cracked. “There’ll be nothing left of me Zayn.”

_There. You’ve done it. He knows what a coward you are._ Louis stared resolutely down at the table.

A warm hand landed on his shoulder. “It doesn’t have to be like that Louis. Harry would never do that. He wants a partner, not a groupie.” Zayn stated gently. As if that was the end of the matter.

“I know.” _But I’m still afraid._  

“Do you?” Zayn was staring at him with those big brown eyes, and Louis tried for a second to really think about what he was asking. 

“I– yes? No. I don’t know. Maybe.” Did he know that? It had only been a few months, and for half of it Harry had been away. How well did he really know the pop star? How well _could_ he know him in so little time? They were supposed to be dating, and yet…

“I don’t know his favorite colour.” He blurted.

“What?”

Louis shook his head. “There’s so much I don’t know about him. So much important stuff.”

Zayn sighed. “Louis. If you’re really worried about all of this then you need to talk to him. It’s the only way to sort it out.”

Well at least _that_ he had an answer for. “He won’t want to talk to me.” _Not after what I said to him._

But Zayn was shaking his head again as his picture perfect lips curved into a small smile. “I promise you, he will.”

“No.” Louis protested. “You don’t understand. I was horrible to him… And I don’t even know how we started fighting, what if it happens again? It was awful Zayn. I …” Louis trailed off, feeling pressure build in the back of his throat.

“What do I do?” He said, brokenly. “I’ve ruined everything, and I’m too scared to even try to fix it.”

Zayn was staring at him, and Louis was honestly confused by how _fond_ he looked. Louis had just broken his friends heart hadn’t he? As ridiculous as it sounded, that’s what Zayn had implied wasn’t it?

“Why are you still talking to me?” Louis asked in confusion. “If Harry’s really that upset then– why are you being so nice?”

Zayn smiled. “Because, you idiot, I’m pretty sure you’re as miserable as each other.” He smiled wider “And I’m completely sure that you don’t need to be. Seriously Lou. I see you two in it for the long run. You have something special, and you’re not about to throw it away over a stupid fight when you were both stressed and exhausted. You just need to _talk_ to each other. Seriously. It’s that simple.”

“It’s that simple?” Louis asked, suddenly desperate.

“Yes. It is. It’s _Harry_ Lou. Just Harry. You don’t have to be afraid of him.”

“And he’ll talk to me?” Louis tried to tamp down on the hope before it had the chance to overwhelm him. He would just have to wait and see if he could be brave enough, and then if he was, if he could be forgiven.

Zayn had no such reservations. “Yes he will. Now, you owe me a drink for everything you’ve put my best mate through this week.”

_A drink._ He could do that.

“Oh, and by the way, his favorite colour’s blue.”

•

Harry hung up his phone with a smile on his face, waving cheerfully to that man behind the hotel reception desk.

So it seemed Liam had been wrong, because it was now ten days since the fight, and Louis still hadn’t called. 

But for the first time in what felt like forever, Harry wasn’t worried.

He walked confidently out of the back door to his hotel and into the waiting car, a spring in his step that hadn’t been there for over a week.

“Harry?” Liam was already in the backseat with a pencil behind his ear and another in his hand, making marks on his ever-present clipboard. His face lit up when he saw Harry’s smile. “Oh thank god. He called?!”

“Nope.”

Liam frowned. “Then why…?”

Harry grinned. “I’ve been talking to Zayn.”

“Ok?”

The car pulled away slowly, merging skillfully with the rush hour traffic. They had to do sound check at the new venue before the gig tonight. Harry was looking forwards to the afternoon spent with the band and Liam, he felt lighter than he had in a while. Sure, he still spent most of the day feeling a little ill, and his stomach twisted unpleasantly every time his phone went off and _wasn’t Louis_ … But he was dealing with that.

He smiled at Liam’s confusion. He was a good friend, always knowing when Harry should be left alone and when he needed a talking to.

“They went out for drinks on Sunday.” He said brightly.

And thanks to Zayn, Harry finally, _finally_ had some idea of what was going on in Louis’ head.

Liam put down his clipboard. “Yeah, Niall said.”

Harry lost focus for a second. “You’ve been talking to Niall again?”

A small smile tugged the corner of his tour manager’s mouth. “Focus Harry. So. Zayn?”

Fortunately for Harry, Zayn had been particularly forthcoming. It seemed that the soon-to-be actor firmly believed that their main issue was lack of communication, and he was trying to remedy that. “He thinks he’s not good enough for me, and he won’t have a job or something.” Harry’s forehead crinkled “I didn’t really get that bit to be honest.”

“Zayn?” Liam had his confused puppy face on.

“No! Not Zayn.” Harry threw up his hands in exasperation. _Seriously?_

Liam only grinned. “Ah. He-who-must-not-be-named.”

Harry curled in on himself a little. “Exactly.” He’d been a little emotional in that first week, if he was honest. His colleagues had leant remarkably quickly not to mention Louis. A man with more shame would be embarrassed about it. Fortunately, Harry had run out of pride on day 3 of this saga. Anyway, it wasn’t like they hadn’t all seen him cry before. Harry was a crier, and he wasn’t ashamed of it.

“And him thinking he’d not good enough makes you happy somehow?” Liam was looking confused again.

“Really Liam??” He huffed in frustration. “Of course not. I’m happy because I have _a plan._ ”

“Oh god.”

_Rude._ “Hey! My plans are great.” It was just that sometimes it took a little while for everyone to see that.

Liam picked the clipboard back up, apparently deciding that his full attention was no longer required. “Your plans are dangerous. This won’t end well.”

Harry pouted. “My plans are the best. Just you wait. This will end in lots of sex and marriage and babies and a nice cottage by the sea.” He was _certain._ He had to be. It was the only thing that would get him through the final few weeks before his next break.

Liam slapped a palm to his forehead. “Shit Harry. Just... Don’t do anything too stupid yeah?”

Honestly, Liam was such a worrier. “You need to lighten up Liam.” Harry patted him playfully on the thigh. “Everything’s going to work out.”

• 

The phone as ringing. Once, twice. _He isn’t going to answer._ A small, unpleasant voice whispered in Louis’ head. The phone was making that mysterious drawn out beep of an international call. _Why wasn’t he answering? Zayn promised._

_He isn’t going to answer._ Three times. _Fuck._

Louis hung up and threw the phone across the room, running to the opposite side of the bed, as if the distance would somehow erase the inevitable _1 missed call_ that would display on Harry’s phone.

What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t call again! Then it’d be _2 missed calls!_ Harry might not want to talk to him. He’d think he was being a creepy stalker!

Shit, why hadn’t he let it ring longer? Liam had promised Harry wouldn’t be working. What if he couldn’t get to it? What if he was doing something else? What if he was with someone? Oh god. _What if he was with someone!?_ It had been 11 days and Harry was a pop star. The chances of him not finding someone were non-existent! He should have called sooner. No. He should never have hung up in the first place. They could have talked it through. They _could have._

His phone rang.

_SHIT!_

Louis lunged across the bed for the offending object, swiping to answer without checking to see who was calling.

“Yes!? Hello!?” He shouted, panting.

“Umm, Louis?” Harry’s voice sounded tired and unsure, but it was definitely Harry. “Did you... I mean. I think you called me?”

“I-” Louis mind went blank. _Words. Say words. Any words._

“Yes?” He squeaked. _Eugh. Get it together!_ “Yes. I called you.”

There was a slightly awkward silence. Louis thought frantically about what he’d wanted to say before he’d started panicking. _Sorry._ Sorry would be a good place to start.

“How are you?” His mouth betrayed him.

There was a heavy sigh. “Not so great Lou. How are you?”

_I’m so sorry. So so sorry._

“Same… I mean, was it because…? Or, did something happen?”

Harry laughed harshly. “No Lou. Nothing else happened.”

Louis had been thinking of what to say for 11 days now, but faced with the moment the words just weren’t there. Harry was so far away. In every sense.

Maybe truth would just be best? “I don’t... I don’t know how to do this Harry.” He admitted. “I don’t know what to say to make this ok.”

Harry was quiet when he spoke. “Just talk to me Lou. It’s just me. Tell me what’s going on. If you don’t...” the pop star swallowed, “If you don’t want this… me, anymore then I need to know. But. I think we have something special Lou, and if there’s something wrong then just tell me and we can work it out together.”

_He still wants to be with me._ How was that even possible? Zayn had said so but… Louis just didn’t understand.

“Harry I don’t… I don’t _get_ it. You wanting me. I mean, you’re you. You could have anybody and I’m just some wannabe composer who nearly killed you once.”

Louis’ throat began to constrict, “I don’t understand why you would want me.”

Harry sighed, but Louis couldn’t tell if it was in frustration or defeat or anything else. “Because you’re amazing Lou. You’re smart and sarcastic and fun and you don’t let me get away with things, and I like being around you. And we’re so good together Lou. Why should my job make a difference?”

_Because when you travel the world everyone knows your name._ “It shouldn’t Harry, but it does.” Louis burrowed into his bed. “It does make a difference, and I don’t know how to deal with it.” He shut his eyes and rolled onto his back, wondering what he should say next. Fortunately, he didn’t have to.

“It seemed like you were managing fine up until now. Did I do something? Or… Did something change?” He was speaking socautiously. Louis felt like crying. 

Louis shook his head, and then realized that Harry couldn’t see it. He’d been thinking about this a lot, and maybe he finally had an answer. “It just. Everything moved so fast.” He said helplessly. And wasn’t that hypocritical, hadn’t it been Louis who first said boyfriend? He shut his eyes. “We worked so well together and it was too easy and I still haven’t known you for that long. I mean, we still don’t really know each other-” 

“You know me Lou. You do.” Harry interrupted.

“But how can I Haz! It’s not been long enough! And I’ll finish here soon and I know you’re going to ask me to come with you and then what? I just follow you around? I live your life with you?”

“It wouldn’t be like that, Lou. It wouldn’t! My family visits all the time, my tour manager is my best friend! There’s a place for you here.”

_Oh god._ Harry was talking like they were _married._ He growled in frustration.“But I’m not family. And I don’t know what my place would _be_.” Louis swallowed down more words and finally said what he’d wanted to say from the beginning.

“I’m so sorry Harry. I should never have said those things. I know that you care about me. I’m just so afraid of loosing myself to all of this. Every time something good happens I’m going to wonder if it’s because of who you are and not what I did. Does that make sense? I just think we should… slow things down for a bit. Just for a while-- until I get it straight in my head. I’m sorry. I know that isn’t fair to you. And I don’t expect you to wait or anything. You can… Umm. Be with other people. If you need to… _Want to._ I know it’s not fair otherwise.”

There was a pause on the line. _You can if you need to, but please don’t. Please don’t._

Harry’s reply was slow and careful. “I don’t want to do that Lou. Slow is fine. But I suppose… the same goes for you. If you need to.”

_Thank god._

“No. No. I don’t want… That’s not going to happen Harry. I just… I need to work some things out first, that’s all.”

“Ok Lou,” the relief was obvious in the other man’s voice. “I understand, I think. I’ll give you some space.”

“But-- Don’t stop talking to me Haz. Yeah? I still want to talk to you.”

“Yeah Lou, of course.” Harry’s breath hitched. ”Umm. Lou… I know you want to make it on your own but… I already sent your song to some people. You know that right?”

Louis frowned. “Did you- I mean, what did you say to them, when you sent it?”

“I had Julian- um, he’s my music producer, you haven’t met him yet. He sent it to a few people who might be interested. It went in with a few songs from some other new writers. That’s all Lou I promise. That’s how the industry works. If you’d sent it yourself it’d be the same, only there’s more chance of it getting looked at if Julian sends it.”

Louis thought about that for a second. “I guess that’s ok then. Thank you.”

“I wouldn’t have sent it if I didn’t think it was good you know. I still want you to write for me some day. Even if… even if you decide that this is too much. I still want that. And I know you’re worried, and I know I’m- well, I’m a lot to deal with I guess. But you _do_ know me. And I’m pretty sure I know you too. Please just trust me?”

Louis shivered slightly. It was too much. This was all too much. He just needed to think about everything. “I really want you to be right Harry, about all of it. I just don’t know if I believe it yet.” 

“That’s ok Lou.” Harry said gently. “I’ll prove it to you.”

•

Harry hung up slowly. Louis calling hadn’t been part of his plan if he was honest, but that was ok. Harry wasn’t sure what ‘going slow’ would entail, but as long as it didn’t involve seeing other people then that was ok too. Basically, everything was ok. Or rather, it was going to be.

Harry shut his eyes and leaned back onto his bunk. The sick feeling in the back of his throat was finally starting to fade. The last few weeks had been hell, but he couldn’t force himself to regret it. He would wait as long as it took for Louis to sort things out in his head. 

Anyway, he had a plan. So even if he was willing to wait, which he was. His plan would just… push things along a little faster.

•

It was a Sunday morning and Louis was exhausted. There was one thing that he wanted to do today, and that was sleep. Unfortunately, he had a morning shift to live through first.

His phone chirped with a message from Harry. Louis’ stomach fluttered a little, as if his body wasn’t quite ready to let go of that sick clench he’d got when he’d thought Harry was gone. They’d been talking every day. Not as much as before, but it was something. Louis didn’t understand how Harry had forgiven him so readily, but he was trying to make the best of it. In fact, Louis was determined to learn from his mistakes, relentlessly prodding Harry for answers when it seemed like something was wrong. Actually, he was still waiting for his boyfriend… ex-boyfriend? Louis didn’t know… to run out of patience.  

 

**Harry** – Louis

_I know you’re busy Lou, but please watch SNL when you get the chance? Miss you xx_

 

Louis smiled. _So far, so good_. He wondered why SNL was so important; maybe Harry had been on last night? But surely he would have told Louis earlier? He had a sudden inspiration. _It must be something to do with seeding_.

He grabbed his keys and jogged towards the door, doing a clumsy pirouette to dodge a bleary eyed Stan.

“Work?” The other man frowned sympathetically.

“10 minutes” Louis nodded.

Stan placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “Hang in there Tommo.”

• 

Six hours, approximately a million coffees, two burns and one angry plumber later, and Louis was finally, finally going to get some rest.

He sank gratefully onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling, slowly gathering the energy to get his laptop.

After what he suspected was literally about an hour, he managed to grapple through his duvet to the computer that for reasons he couldn’t remember, was safely tucked under his pillow.

There was something he was meant to do wasn’t there?

Well, there were hundreds of things he was meant to do. But there was something interesting. 

His phone went off with a text from his mother about eating properly. Why was everyone trying to look after him? The thought uncovered another from his tired mind.

_Oh right, Harry. SNL._

The laptop sprung to attention when he opened the lid.

Compulsively, he checked his email and found that Harry had emailed him a link to the show. _Huh_. _Must be important._

Louis wriggled around on his bed, turning his pillows and duvet into a nest. Finally comfortable, he settled back to watch.

• 

The clock ticked softly on his bedside table in the quiet flat. Outside, rain dripped from the gutter in a steady stream and sounds drifted up from the street. A man shouting, cars rushing past.

Inside, the flat was silent.

Louis scrubbed at his tired eyes, trying desperately to process everything.

The confusing image was still, frozen on his screen.

He looked around the room in case this was some kind of joke, but there was no Niall, no Stan.

Louis leant forwards and unpaused the video.

On the screen, a small woman finished singing with a bow and a wave.

He paused it again and continued to stare.

 

His song was being sung by Ariana Grande.

On Saturday Night Live.

His song was in the charts.

His song had been released by a genuine pop star. And it was perfect, the way they’d mastered it. It was everything he could have hoped for. Exactly what he’d been going for.

His song was being sung by Ariana Grande.

His song.

His song from his masters project.

Was being sung by Ariana Grande.

His song from his final project. 

Which wasn’t submitted yet.

There was a strange grey fog in his head as Louis reached for the phone to call his professor.

• 

Harry hopped nervously on the spot as the phone rang and rang. _Come on, come on!_

“Hazza?” A sleepy voice answered.

“Niall!” For some reason hearing his friend only made the panic rise further. “It’s been a day Niall! He’s not answering his phone or his messages. I can’t do this again! I don’t even know if he saw it. Did he see it Niall?”

Niall sounded uncharacteristically grumpy when he answered. “Mate it’s four in the morning.”

Harry glanced at the clock. “Shit, I’m sorry. I just. I got myself in a panic and I forgot about time zones.”

“I got that. What’s the matter?”

“He’s not talking to me again. Is it… Did he change his mind Niall? I thought the song would make things better.” Harry had waited patiently for 18 hours for a reply. He’d been good. Even with nothing to distract himself as the tour bus had driven on endlessly. He’d been good.

The last six hours on the other hand, he’d spent working himself into a stressed frenzy and calling Louis every ten minutes, until Liam had sent him to his bunk where he now lay. Fortunately, Liam had forgotten to confiscate his phone.

“Ahh. He didn’t call you then?” Niall sounded marginally more awake now, the grumpiness fading away.

“No!” Harry whisper shouted. Liam would probably know that it was four in the morning in London. Liam would probably be cross if he found Harry.

Niall on the other hand, seemed to have resigned himself to Harry’s call. “Ok! Ok, calm down mate. He’s in a bit of a panic that’s all. I don’t think he’d been near his phone since he got hold of his project supervisor.”

“His supervisor… I don’t understand.” Harry growled in frustration. What did his masters supervisor have to do with Louis ignoring Harry!?

Niall sighed. “You gave his song to Ariana Grande mate. And that’s great. He’s insanely excited about it… Seriously, the version’s sick! And it’s _Ariana Grande_. Jesus, do you think we’d be able to meet her?!”

“Niall!” Harry snapped. He didn’t have time for questions, Liam was bound to find him soon, he had a sixth sense for when Harry was misbehaving.

“Oh right yeah. So he’s really happy about that. 

_THEN TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG !!!!_ Harry took a few deep breaths before he tried again. “Please just tell me what’s going on?”

“Right. Ok.” Harry heard a faint click. A light switch maybe? “Well it was one of his final pieces, and now it’s commercially available there’s copyright issues, and the university has all these policies… He didn’t actually think that anyone would be interested, and even if they were, he thought it’d take a bit longer than this.”

_It usually does._ They’d sent it to Ariana because they _knew_ she had an album almost ready for release. And there was also the matter of Harry’s phone call. _Shit._ “I um. I may have had something to do with that.” He confessed quietly.

“Oh Harry, mate, you didn’t?! Please tell me you didn’t. Not after everything that happened?!” Niall sounded frantic.

Harry flinched. “No! No. Not what you’re thinking. They liked the song, they’d already decided to put it on the album!”

“Then what did you do?” The Irishman had moved from frantic to wary. An improvement, but hopefully Harry could do better.

“I just, gave them a little push?” He said, slowly. “The album’s not out for another six weeks, and I found out they were deciding which song would be released so I had a chat with Ariana and mentioned that I really liked that one. It’s her favorite too! They probably would have picked it without my call.”

“Shit.” Niall sighed heavily. “Ok, Haz. Ok. That’s not so bad then… Just don’t tell him that for a few months. Maybe years.”

Niall yawned. “Anyway,” he continued, “Lou was hoping that submitting a released song might be ok, but apparently it’s not.”

So what, he would just have to submit the original version? Why was that a problem? It was already finished anyway. Harry picked at the paint that was peeling slightly on the wall of his bunk. _I don’t understand._ “So what’s the problem?”

The line was silent for a moment. Harry listened impatiently to the sound of gentle breathing. “The problem,” Niall said, finally, “is that on top of exam revision, practicing for his recital, and polishing the rest of his portfolio, he has just over three weeks to write and record a new song before the submission deadline. 

Harry went cold. _Oh god._ “You’re saying he can’t submit it _at all?_ ”

“Exactly.”

“But, like, not at all? Not the original version? Or using the same words or backing track or anything?”

“Them’s the breaks yeah.”

“Oh shit.” Harry whispered in horror. Louis had spent _months_ on that song. _Jesus, he must be going insane._ And this was all Harry’s fault. _Fuck!_ “Niall! What have I done! Shit, I had no idea. I didn’t even think!” He waited for a moment but the Irishman remained silent.

“Is it going to be ok? Can he do it in time?” Louis would be devastated if he failed. That couldn’t happen. Harry wouldn’t let it happen.

There was rustling on the phone line, as if Niall couldn’t get comfortable. “I think so. I guess he has to. They wouldn’t give him an extension.”

Harry swallowed nervously. He didn’t want to be selfish, but he had to ask. “Is he mad Niall? I mean… at me?”

“No Hazza.” More silence. “Just be a bit patient yeah? He’s pretty stressed out and he probably doesn’t want to risk fighting with you… He didn’t do so well last time.”

Harry lay back in his bunk and stared at the ceiling. He’d thought he would be _helping._ He’d just wanted Louis to realize what a talented person he was. “I- Yeah, of course. _Of course._ I’ll give him some time.”

There was some more rustling down the line. “When’s your next break Haz?”

Harry shut his eyes. “In a week.” And god did he need it. He was so tired.

“Do you have any plans?” Niall’s voice sounded gentle. Maybe Liam had said something? He was always worrying about Harry.

_Just one more week though. Not long now._ “No. No plans. Not since… I was going to spend it with you guys. But now… I figured I’d just go home and see my mom.”

Going home was a good plan. He needed to go home. His mom would know what to do about everything.

Niall was quiet when he spoke. “Ok. Look, I know things are a bit weird between you and Louis, and he’s pretty strung out but… I think he needs you here Haz. Would you consider coming back?”

_What?_ Harry’s heart leapt into his throat and his eyes sprang open. Did Niall really think…? “Really? Seriously? You really think he’d want me there? 

There was a soft chuckle. “He might be a bit grumpy at first but… yeah. I really do. When you’re around he’s _happier_ Haz. And it’s not just that. You two balance each other out I think. Anyway, he needs someone to take care of him right now, and I think you’re the best person for the job.”

“I-” Harry’s heart was pounding. Louis would probably be mad but… God he wanted to see him again. And Niall was right. Louis always seemed less stressed when Harry was around. He needed someone to make him food, and make sure he didn’t get too lost in his work. Harry could do that. Anyway, it was Harry who had caused this, so it was up to him to help fix it, he decided suddenly. “Ok… Ok, I’ll come. As soon as I’m done here. I’ll come.”

Niall sighed. ”Good.” He sounded relieved, if a bit tired. “Look Hazza baby, I love you, but I’ve got an exam in the morning. So…”

“What! Shit Niall I’m so sorry! It’s four in the morning, why are you talk to me!?”

There was another soft click; presumably the light switch turning off this time. “Because you needed to talk mate. But now I think you’re ok. So I’m gonna go back to sleep. Now you be good and wish me luck and I’ll see you in a week.”

“Yeah. Of course. Absolutely. Go knock ‘em dead Niall!” Harry hesitated. “Umm, what is it that you actually do?”

There was a cheerful laugh from the other line. “Night Harry!” The phone went dead. 

Harry grinned. Louis was going to be pissed, that much was certain… But when it came to Louis and his moods, Niall was usually right, and if both he and Zayn were saying that Louis wanted to see Harry, well then he would deal with a little grumpiness. 

Besides. He was going to be able to see Louis again.

He was going to see Louis!

•

Sounds trickled in through his headphones, but none of them were right. Louis could feel the seconds ticking away. _Two weeks_. His thoughts whispered. _Only two weeks._ His stomach was aching from hunger and his eyes burned with the need to sleep but he couldn’t. He couldn’t relax, but he couldn’t concentrate either.

A few days ago would have found Louis shouting at nothing and throwing things across the room in frustration. But now… Louis thought muzzily that he might like to cry, but somehow he couldn’t even manage that. He didn’t have the energy perhaps. He looked at the clock on his bedside table: 10.06pm. _Plenty of time._ He told himself. The day’s nowhere near over. _There’s still time_.

There was a soft knock on his bedroom door and a blonde head peered in. He pulled his headphones off and stared blankly at Niall.

“Louis,” Niall began cautiously. “Don’t be mad mate, but me and Stan, yeah? We’re worried about you, and I brought someone to help.”

Louis tried to process this, but his brain was still rattling out the discordant sounds of the song he was writing. How would he ever get it right? There was no time.

Niall was still talking as Louis turned back to his computer.

Another voice pulled him back.

“Louis?”

He frowned. That sounded like Harry. But it couldn’t be Harry. Harry wasn’t talking to him. They hadn’t talked all week. Louis had been given another chance and he’d blown it. He’d been so wrapped up in panic that he’d not thought about anything else, and by the time he finally caught up with himself well… Harry had stopped calling. And Louis had known that it was too late.

The ache in his chest was too much to deal with right now. He shut his eyes against the memories. As if that would help.

“Louis.” It was firmer this time, and it still sounded like Harry.  

He turned around and opened his eyes. It looked like Harry too, but Louis knew, _he knew_ , that it wasn’t. So what was this? Some trick of his over tired brain? How long had it been since he’d slept? He’d thought it was yesterday, but yesterday went on for so long when you didn’t sleep. Yesterday could be any length of time really.

The apparition was talking, and looking from himself to Niall with a wild, worried look. 

It came forwards and placed a hand on his arm. It felt warm. Real. He frowned.

“Louis?” It said. “Are you ok? Can you…” It blushed. “Can you hear me? Or… are you mad? Are you ignoring me? …Louis please just say something, you’re scaring me.”

“Harry?” Louis’ voice was faint when he spoke. The creature leaned closer. It smelt like Harry too. 

“Louis? Oh babe, what have you done to yourself?” It looked with wide eyes over at Niall, and the blonde shook his head.

“He’s been like this for a few days now.” The Irish accent was musical, soothing. “He’s stopped eating. He can’t sleep. I think he’s given up trying. He went to work this morning but they sent him home… Me and Stan tried but, he doesn’t listen to us.”

Big hands wrapped under his elbows and stood him up. Louis swayed slightly. His back ached. It was 10pm. He’d probably been sitting there since he’d come back from work. This morning sometime?

His bladder suddenly reminded him that despite his head being full of fluff, his body was actually still working.

“Bathroom.” He mumbled, a stab of pain pulsed through him as he let go of the hallucination, but he didn’t understand why. He made his way shakily across the living room.

Once the bathroom door was safely shut he relieved himself quickly, and was struck with a sudden, desperate desire to feel slightly more normal. He shook off his clothes and flicked on the shower, hurriedly climbing in and sitting on the floor. Clean was good. Clean was normal. He shivered under the steadily warming spray as he washed himself.

The water hadn’t yet worked its way up to hot when he got out and toweled off, his strength fading as rapidly as it’d come.

Collecting his toothbrush to finish the routine he’d started, he caught sight of something moving and turned his head. Mirrors were bad. Mirrors were evil. He kept his gaze down, not wanting to see what might be looking back at him.  

• 

Louis’ room was different by the time he got back to it. He frowned in confusion. Had Niall done this? His bed had been changed and made, his laptop was gone, and all of his revision notes had been picked up off the floor.

“What?” He looked around again. How was he supposed to work without his laptop?

The Harry impersonator was still there, sitting on his bed, only now it was wearing worn grey sweats and a soft-looking t-shirt. Maybe he had done this?

“Time to go to bed love.” It stood up and walked towards him, gently pulling the towel from his waist and folding it over a chair. Its big green eyes were cautious, but there was fear there, like a wild animal waiting for danger. The thought made Louis uncomfortable, but he wasn’t sure why.

“I need my laptop.” He stated. It was important. He needed to work. Whoever this person was, they needed to understand that.

He frowned at the stranger. Harry would never have taken his laptop. Harry understood music. “You’re not Harry.” He stated. It was important that they both understood that Louis wasn’t falling for it. 

The man looked confused as he dropped to his knees, holding out a pair of Louis’ own sweats for him to step into, apparently unbothered by his nakedness. “I’m not?”

“No.” Louis placed his hand gingerly on the man’s shoulder and did as he wanted, stepping carefully into the soft material. His voice when it came out sounded defeated, small. “Harry’s not talking to me." 

The man flinched as he pulled up the sweats. When he was done, he took a step back and studied him, as if trying to save a mental picture. His eyes were so very sad, Louis thought. So worried. It wasn’t right. Louis didn’t want him to be sad.

But the man pulled himself together before he could say anything. “You’re all ready for bed I’d say. Is it ok if… can I stay with you?”

Louis closed his eyes. _Just for a second. Just until the burning stops._ Harry said he could see other people but he didn’t want to. Only, this person looked so much like Harry, so warm, and so soft, and Louis was so very tired. “You can stay.” He decided. “But no funny business. Harry might come back. He hates me. Because I was stupid. But he might come back…”

The man made a choking sound but said nothing. The hands that guided him gently down into the bed were shaking slightly, he noticed absently. He lay there for a second, listening once more to the music of the clock ticking, and the small hitches in the mans breathing. He was sad again, Louis thought. But the music had distracted him with Louis’ own problems. “My laptop.” He tried again. There was just so much to do.

Not-Harry must have climbed into the bed next to him, because the covers were pulled up around his shoulders and a warm, strong stomach pressed against his hip. It was trembling, Louis noted, but it still felt nice. Familiar. Something eased in his chest; something that he hadn’t known had been hurting.

“You’ll get it back love.” Not-Harry said, in a strange, unsteady voice. “The sooner you get to sleep, the sooner I’ll give it back. Deal?”

“No.” There was no time for sleep. Louis fought weakly to get up, but there was a heavy arm pinning him down. He was trapped.

“Lou, Louis. Please just listen. Please. Just sleep now. Tomorrow I’ll help you. We can do it together babe. You’re not alone. We can do this. There’s time. Please Louis? Please?” Not Harry sounded desperate now. Louis didn’t know what to make of it. “I need you to come back to me love. You’re not right. You need rest.”

The arm tightened around him. There was curly hair tickling his nose. It smelled so much like Harry. It looked and sounded like Harry. It fit his body like Harry.

Louis felt so small suddenly. So lost. So tired. Was this… could this actually be Harry. _His Harry?_ Louis was so afraid. So afraid that he would fall asleep and this would all have been a dream. But he had to ask. He had to. Keeping his eyes squeezed shut, he whispered into the quiet. “Harry? Is that- You’re Harry? You’re actually Harry? You’re here?”

Harry coughed out a sob. “Yeah Lou,” soft skin nuzzled into his neck and placed a gentle kiss there. Louis felt something wet drip onto his shoulder. “It’s really me. I promise. Please just trust me? You need to rest now. Tomorrow we’ll work it all out. You’ll be ok Lou. I’m going to take care of you-- You’ll be ok.”

A new feeling started to push aside the fog. Something Louis hadn’t felt in a while. Something like hope.

“You promise? I’ll go to sleep and you’ll be here? You’ll still be here?” He clutched desperately at the arm across his chest. Not wanting it to disappear. If this really was Harry-- He couldn’t let him disappear. Not again.

Harry exhaled, long and shaky, and Louis felt the man relax against him. “I promise love.” Another dry kiss brushed against his shoulder, his neck, his hair. Louis felt his body relax a little more with each movement. “Will you sleep for me?”

Louis hesitated. There was so much to do, but Harry had said he would help him. Harry had said it would be ok. He’d said _there was time._ Louis was so very confused, but he was so tired, and he trusted Harry. He did.

“Ok.” He said hesitantly. “Ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far.
> 
> I had intended to put the morning after in this chapter, but time was not on my side. 
> 
> Still, I hope you liked it. Only three chapters to go!


	8. Shipping out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louis has a traitor in the ranks,  
> Harry just wants to be a super famous popstar with a hot boyfriend, why is that so hard?  
> Niall is an Irish mystery as always,  
> Liam is elsewhere (he's a busy lad),  
> and Zayn is absent (because he broke my heart, but he'll be back soon.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really struggled with this chapter, so I'm sorry if it sucks.
> 
> Next week should be better though, and I'll be back to weekly updates for the last two chapters now that I've finally moved countries.

It was 11am on a Monday morning and the house was silent. Well, as silent as a single glazed terrace in central London could be. Niall was at the library, revising for his last two exams, and Stan had gone to the run-down music shop he worked at.

Louis on the other hand was locked in the bathroom, doing what any sensible 23 year old would when faced with an impossible deadline and waking up to find your estranged superstar boyfriend in your bed.

He was calling his mum.

Louis shifted his bum on the cold tiles, bringing up his knees so he could curl over them as the phone rang quietly. After 12 hours of sleep he was definitely more alert than he had been all week, but it seemed that one nights rest wasn’t enough to solve all his problems. Louis felt stretched somehow, like a kids toy that had been pulled too hard to ever go back to normal. But for once, his mind was clear and sharp, so he was going to make the most of it and get to the bottom of his messed up brain.

“Louis?”

He jumped slightly as the call connected and squeezed his eyes shut. Explaining this whole mess was going to take a while. “Hi mum. I--”

“Louis William Tomlinson, what on earth have you been dong?”

_What?_

“I… Umm. What?” _What the hell?_

“Not eating? Not sleeping? I thought I taught you how to look after yourself? And breaking up with poor Harry on the phone!?” She paused to sigh unhappily. “I’m worried about you boo-bear.”

_What?!_

Louis’ brain gave a few aborted leaps before his mouth took over. “You’ve been talking to Harry?! I don’t—How do you know Harry?!”

She snorted. “Well certainly no thanks to my son.”

His mum was talking to Harry? How was that possible? Louis wasn’t sure how he felt about that…

He shifted uneasily. “What did he tell you…?”

“What?” There was some commotion down that line that could only be his sister Fizzy trying to make his mum do something. She was a little sharp when she came back. “Don’t be silly Louis. Of course I haven’t been talking to Harry.”

Louis narrowed his eyes. He had quite a few friends, although he hadn’t exactly been socializing much since meeting Harry (it was exam season though, so he was probably in the clear). Besides, only Niall and Stan were close enough to really know what was going on… So, either it was one of them or else… Zayn? Unlikely. His mother was addicted to reality TV. If Zayn Malik had called her then the whole world would know.

_Niall or Stan then._

Small parts of Louis’ life over the past four years began to slot quietly into place; how his mum always seemed to know everything. He’d thought it was motherly witchcraft, but no. There was a traitor in the ranks.

Louis carefully set those thoughts aside for later consideration and focused on the matter at hand. Getting himself out of trouble.

“Right.” He said carefully. “Well I’ve been to sleep, and I’m about to have breakfast, so obviously I can take care of myself.”

“Mmm hmm. So Harry being there has nothing to do with any of that?”

_Wow._ That was extremely up-to-date. Her informant was fast.

“No.” He grit his teeth. “Harry’s asleep.”

She made a small noise of understanding. “Poor love, he must be jetlagged coming from New York. You look after him, he’s been through enough these past few weeks.” She sighed. “I know Liam did his best, but it’s not the same.”

_Holy shit. Holy fucking shit._

Something terrifying was happening here.

For once in his life, Louis had no idea what to say. Clearly this information network had gotten out of hand, and apparently, someone had already biased his mother.

Louis picked moodily at the hem of his sweat pants that he didn’t remember putting on. “So you’re taking Harry’s side then.”

“Don’t be childish Louis.” She snapped. “You’re an adult in an adult relationship. You’re supposed to work together. You’re on _each other’s_ side. Why are you treating this like it’s a competition?” Her voice turned gentle then, and Louis almost wished she would just carry on shouting at him. “If you really like him then you can’t throw everything away because you’re jealous.”

_What!_ That wasn’t it at all. That was all wrong.

“I’m not jealous of Harry!” He blurted, before he could think better of it.

She hummed. ”Really? Not even a little bit? A rich, successful 21 year old living his dreams, traveling all over the world?”

Louis pulled away a loose thread and crossed his legs. “I’m sorry, are you _trying_ to make me jealous?”

“Boo-bear, I just want to you consider that maybe you’re jealous because he’s living his dream and you aren’t.”

Was he jealous? Louis thought about it. Harry had earned his success; anyone could see how hard he worked. Sure, sometimes it was a little grating that Harry got things for free, and never had to worry about money, and couldn’t understand how hard life could be for people who didn’t have that luxury. But…

_I am jealous_ , he realized suddenly. At least a little bit anyway. Had he really attacked Harry just because he wasn’t routinely offered free stuff? That was not the type of person that Louis wanted to be. He felt sick at the thought.

And why should he be jealous of Harry’s opportunities when Harry was constantly trying to share them with him?

Louis sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. It wasn’t just that Harry loved his job and got to go places and meet people that someone like Louis would never be able to. No. The real problem was that Harry’s success meant sharing him with everyone else.

His voice was small when he spoke. “I’m jealous of the rest of the world for getting more of him than I do.”

His mum was unsympathetic. “And how does breaking up with him make that better?”

Louis spluttered. “Because he’s going to leave me! You know he is, how can he not? He’s world famous mum.” He paused. “I thought you would tell me to watch out for myself first.”

“Oh Louis. Love is always scary, but you’ll never have anything special if you aren’t willing to risk it.”

That wasn’t… No. He wasn’t in… No.

She pushed on. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure I raised a son with more self confidence than that. And from what I’ve heard, Harry wouldn’t do that. The man dropped everything to come and look after you.”

Ah, so apparently the network wasn’t all-powerful then. “No. He’s on a break from the tour.”

“Yes he is--” She sounded worryingly smug. “Tomorrow.”

Louis frowned. “What?”

“His break starts tomorrow, officially. He was supposed to be doing interviews today, but your housemates were worried and called him.”

_What._ That was… Louis didn’t know what that was. Harry cancelled his interviews and changed flights to come and look after him? And he couldn’t have known how Louis would react. What would have happened if he’d been mad? Would Harry have just left?

There was the sound of more hurried chatter over the line. _Fizzy again_. He uncrossed his legs, stretching them out over the cool tiles.

“Louis,” his mum came back, “whatever you decide to do, we’ll support you. I know you know that. But I think Harry really likes you, and I know all this has moved really fast and I know it’s scary, but I think you’re old enough to take the risk.”

Louis felt his stomach knot. “And what if it doesn’t work out?”

“Then you come home boo-bear, and we help you get over it. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t even try… I know all of this is a bit strange and you don’t know how it’s supposed to work, but neither does Harry.” She snorted in what Louis felt was a rather unattractive way. “You’re my story teller Louis, you’ll just have to make it up as you go along.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but it seemed that the topic was done. “Anyway, what’s this with not telling me that you’re releasing music now?”

Louis ducked his head. “Harry did it.” He grumbled. Sure he was being petulant, but if he wasn’t allowed to be childish when talking to his mum then there was no hope for it.

There was an aggravated sigh down the line. “Your song’s been playing on the radio non-stop Louis. Harry might have some power, but he’s not doing that. That’s all you. Your song. I’m so proud of you.”

The knot loosened slightly. How did mums always know what to say?

She continued on in an irritated tone. “You really need to grow up and stop this silliness. If Harry were a family member you wouldn’t hesitate to let him help you. That’s how the world works Louis. It may not be fair, but it’s life. It’s time you stopped being so bloody proud and let people help you.”

And then they went and did _that_. “Thanks mum.” He said sarcastically.

_Time for a tactical topic change._

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it.” He tried.

There was more commotion on the other line. “If I relied on you for news Louis Tomlinson, I would never know anything. You just look after yourself and Harry. I’m expecting a visit from both of you once this is all sorted out.”

_Success,_ Louis sighed in relief. “Ok. I guess I should go talk to him.”

“Yes you should. And I have to take Fizzy to dance class.”

“Ok mum, speak soon, love you.”

“Love you too boo-bear.”

Louis pushed himself up off the floor with a groan and headed out of the bathroom, finally feeling ready to face Harry. He would apologize, and everything would go back to normal, after all, surely Harry wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t willing to forgive Louis?

•

Harry kept his eyes shut and rolled over, listening to the sounds of cars outside. Where was he? He tried an experimental stretch that met no resistance. _Not the bus then_. His pillow was a little lumpy, and the noise a little loud for one of his usual hotels.

_What did I do yesterday?_ He remembered a flight and then…

_Shit! Louis!_

Harry’s eyes flew open, confirming what he suspected; he was in Louis’ bed, but there was no Louis lying next to him. He looked around uneasily. _Has he left?_ Harry strained his ears; there was a faint sound of movement in the kitchen. He wasn’t alone then, but maybe it was Niall?

Harry shut his eyes and tried not to jump to conclusions as he crawled slowly out of bed - put off the inevitable for a few moments by making a quick stop in the bathroom - and then finally, cautiously approaching the kitchen. It was almost certainly Louis in there, he told himself. He wouldn’t have just walked out on Harry.

Padding softly on bare feet, he snuck a glance around the door.

His heart did a round of acrobatics. It _was_ Louis.

Real life Louis standing over the kettle, lost in thought with his back to the door.

Last night had been confusing for Harry. He’d been exhausted and emotional and Louis had been so out of it that Harry had been genuinely afraid. If it hadn’t been for Niall’s reassurances then Harry would probably have broken down entirely.

Harry paused. He didn’t like to think of himself as a coward, but the idea of facing Louis was terrifying. He stared at the shorter man, still gazing vacantly at the kettle as it boiled. What if he was mad? Harry had come over uninvited after Louis had asked for space. Louis was probably mad.

“You can come in you know. I’m not angry or anything.”

Louis was apparently a mind reader.

Harry shuffled in, still a little unsure of his welcome. “Hey,” he said softly, “how are you feeling?”

Louis finally turned to face him, and Harry thought that his gentle smile looked a little strained. There were dark circles around his eyes still, and he was pale, but Harry was relieved to see that the glazed expression from last night was gone.

“Better,” Louis replied, “I don’t remember that much from last night. I-- thank you for looking after me.”

Harry gave a half shrug, feeling lost. “I like looking after you.”

Louis only nodded, turning back to the kettle as it finished boiling to make the tea. The house was so quiet.

“Where is everyone?” Harry asked, suddenly desperate for a normal conversation; anything to try and ease the sick rolling of his stomach.

“Stan’s at work and Niall’s out revising. He’s only got two exams left.”

Harry gratefully accepted the tea that was handed to him. “What does Niall actually do?”

“He, umm…” Louis sighed and screwed his eyes shut. “Harry, we need to talk.”

Harry’s whole body went cold. _Not again. Please. Please not again._

But Louis must have seen it in this expression because he rushed on. “No! Not like that! Sorry. That came out all wrong. I’m sorry. I just—I need to apologize to you… and I think, I think that we need to talk about everything?”

The sickness stubbornly persisted, but Harry nodded slowly, leaning against the kitchen counter. Talking was good. Talking would help.

•

Harry listened intently to the gently humming of the fridge, wondering exactly what he should be saying.

Talking obviously wasn’t helping.

It was 30 minutes later and Harry’s tea was cold and his head was spinning. He prodded absently at his mug where it sat on the counter, trying to process the information that he’d just been given…

Which to be honest wasn’t much. Somehow Louis had talked non-stop without actually getting any information across. He was sorry; Harry was sure of that. In fact, Harry had stopped counting the ‘I’m sorry’s’ after number 12. But Harry was still trying to get his head around what had actually gone wrong.

His being angry appeared to have triggered Louis’ not insubstantial temper, which seemed to have somehow morphed into fear, which caused him to run away.

But knowing that didn’t really help Harry work out how to _not do it again_. It wasn’t like he could promise to never get angry.

And apparently he’d fallen for the biggest over thinker in all the world, because from what he could tell, the second Louis had hung up, he’d began to weave such a detailed plan of how it would all go wrong that he appeared to actually believe it.

But _that_ at least Harry could work with. If he had learned nothing else, he now knew one extremely vital piece of information: never leave Louis Tomlinson alone with his thoughts after an argument. Actually, it was probably best to never leave Louis alone with his thoughts full stop.

He stared across at the blue-eyed man who had finally fallen silent. Perhaps he couldn’t solve everything right away, but the fact that Louis was talking about this – that he was genuinely trying to fix things, made Harry feel slightly more stable, although he was still fairly certain that his stomach was trying to crawl away from him.

Louis was looking at him expectantly, fidgeting like he always did when he was nervous. Harry had come here with the intention of looking after Louis until he’d gotten himself sorted. He’d never planned for talking everything out on his first day back.

In retrospect, that had been a little short sighted.

Harry took a deep breath.

_My turn then._

“I need to apologize too.” He started, holding up a hand when Louis immediately opened his mouth.

“I was tired and stressed and angry and I took it out on you. I knew you had exams coming up and I still tried to pressure you into coming to see me… It was selfish. I’m sorry.”

Louis shook his head but kept his lips pressed together.

Harry sighed. “I’ve not felt this way about anyone before… I mean, I’ve dated, but nothing like this.” He hesitated. _Here we go._ “You felt so far away Lou, and I was panicking that I was loosing you… and I kept wanting to come back here and it made me feel guilty. Like I was letting my fans down somehow by wanting to be somewhere else. I never want to be one of those people who takes their success for granted.”

Harry took a hesitant step forwards, his stomach still rolling uneasily. He wanted so badly to just give in to whatever Louis wanted from him, for things to go back to the way they were, but…

“Lou. I don’t want this to be over.” His voice cracked, “but I can’t do that again. I like you too much. If this is going to work, you have to promise me that you won’t just cut me out. If you have a problem with me then we need to talk about it. You’re not the only one who gets scared. And you can’t just run away every time you see a side of me that you don’t like. You need to tell me.”

Harry took a deep breath and watched Louis open and shut his mouth a few times, staring fixedly at what Harry thought was probably his big toe. God he felt sick. This couldn’t be over. It _couldn’t._

“I didn’t—Harry no.” Louis looked up, and Harry was struck frozen by earnest blue eyes. “It wasn’t like that. I just panicked ok? I’d never seen you angry and it scared me, it made me feel like I didn’t really know you… It’s just, everything was going so well… It was all too easy.”

Harry took another slow breath, calming the adrenaline that was rushing through his body. Louis looked so confused and Harry wasn’t even surprised. He was sure of it now; the absolute worst thing that he could have done was to leave Louis to his own devices. Harry might be a little chaotic on the outside, but that was clearly nothing compared to whatever madness there was in Louis’ head.

He wouldn’t change it for anything though. Louis’ messed up brain was what made him brilliant and mad and fun, and Harry was more than willing to take the bad with the good.

His resolve hardened, and the sick feeling faded a little. Harry kept his eyes on the other man and took a slow step forwards. “I’m sorry that our first fight had to be on Skype Louis, but it might not be the last one. I need to know that you aren’t going to disappear every time we argue.”

Louis nodded hurriedly, but took a step back. “I understand...” He blinked a few times, and Harry thought maybe he could see tears in his eyes. It made his stomach clench. “…but I can’t promise that Harry. It would be a lie. I can promise to try. I’ll always try. But I can’t promise-- I can’t…”

And wow, Harry could actually see it happening this time. He could see Louis’ thoughts whirring, spelling out fights that hadn’t happened yet. Harry might be barely holding himself together right now – terrified of all the bad things that might happen, but somehow, Louis was already living them.

He did the only think he could think of to stop it. He closed the distance between them and rested his forehead on the smaller man’s, tangling his hands into the soft shirt in front of him, and shakily exhaling in relief when he wasn’t pushed away.

“Stop it Lou. Please? I’m not asking you to never fight with me.” He shut his eyes and listened to their combined breathing for a moment, Louis’ close proximity calming him. He was real. He was here. They were sorting it out. “Just promise me that when you go, you won’t go too far? Or at least, that you’ll want me to come after you.” He finished.

There was a few agonizing seconds of silence before Louis spoke quietly. “I… really?” Louis’ eyes were so hopeful that Harry physically _hurt._

He nodded. _Compromise. I can do that. Please… just please say it’s ok._

“I… shit… Harry.”

It was lucky that Harry was still looking at the other man then, because it gave him an important half a second to brace before he was pushed backwards with an armful of warm, relieved Louis. “Shit. Ok. Deal.”

Harry pulled him in as close as his arms could manage with his own relieved sigh. They might not be completely ok yet, but maybe they could get there. He buried his face in Louis’ hair, enjoying the comfort he’d missed for so long.

“Deal.”

•

Over the next two weeks, they slowly fell into a rhythm. Harry would make breakfast whilst Louis listened to the latest version of his new composition and planned what needed to be done. Then they would have breakfast together, before Louis would lock himself away with his laptop and instruments until Harry would come and dig him out for Lunch. Then he would revise until Harry made him stop for dinner, and then go back to composing before Harry forced him to stop for bed.

Louis had also been convinced to stop working at the coffee shop, Harry citing Louis’ need to get the new song right, and Louis had capitulated in his desperate desire to _not fail his masters_. It was… nice. Comfortable.

With Harry calling the shots Louis found himself continuously well fed and reasonably well rested. He was finally making progress on the song, and he was pretty sure that he could pass his two exams.

Really, he should be happy. It was just that… despite their talk, things with Harry just… weren’t right, and it took Louis a whole week to work out what it was.

The kissing.

How he didn’t realize sooner Louis wasn’t sure, but once he realized he couldn’t stop noticing it. Harry’s kissing was just _wrong_. Gone were the little kisses whenever Louis came into range, although Harry was still giving him small touches whenever he was nearby. And somehow, Louis couldn’t read Harry anymore. It was as if Harry had closed off a part of himself and Louis didn’t know how to get it back.

The fact that they weren’t having sex probably wasn’t helping things either.

Louis rested his head on the table and tried to recall the last fact he’d read on the evolution of Baroque lute techniques. Surely Harry would be coming to get him soon? His brain was fuzzy with everything he’d tried to ram into it today.

The sound of Harry talking interrupted his sulk.

“…I’ll go get him”

Louis lifted his head up to see a nervous looking Harry wielding a laptop, with a brown haired youngish looking man grinning broadly on the screen.

“Louis!” The man said in an excited tenor. “Nice to finally meet you man. Loved the last song!”

Harry placed the laptop carefully on the table and positioned the screen. “Louis, this is Julian. He’s my music producer. He wanted to talk to you… is that ok?”

“Oh right. Yeah, of course.” He turned to the screen, a little cautiously. “It’s great to meet you.”

Julian beamed. “Great! We have a lot to talk about Louis.” He rubbed his hands together and turned his head. “Harry, I’ll speak to you soon yeah?”

Harry nodded and headed out the door. “I’ll go start dinner. Come find me when you’re done Lou.”

Louis turned to the screen a little nervously. So this was the famous Julian. He was younger that Louis had expected, late 20’s at most, and he had a confident energy that made Louis feel somehow comfortable but apprehensive at the same time.

“So Lou,” his expression turned serious. “I want you to come work with me.”

“I… what??” _So much for small talk._

Julian nodded. “Look, we’re writing the next album during the tour, and I want you to be on the team. What do you say?”

Louis had no words because his brain had just _shut down._

“What?” he managed weakly. 

Julian chuckled. “Harry said this might happen. Look Louis, I was really impressed by your last song, and Harry tells me that he’s heard others that are just as good. They style of music’s right, Harry likes it, the public apparently like it…. What can I do to convince you to come and work with me?”

Louis attempted to stutter out an answer. “I’m sorry, but I’m not a writer… I don’t work for anyone. I’m just a student.”

Julian frowned. “You finish in two weeks right?”

Louis nodded.

“Great! So you fly out in two weeks. The label can hire you as an independent contractor. We’ve been doing that anyway for Ariana’s song, but you’ll need to sign a few things before the money comes through and we’ll have to make sure that you have a business set up in your name, but that’s it. Just paperwork. No problem.”

Businesses… contractor… what? “But I’m not—I’m just a student.” Louis protested. “I’m not a producer.”

“No, you’re a writer. You write what the public want, therefore you are what I want.”

Louis was terrified to note that Julian was starting to look a little frustrated.

The older man frowned, but continued. “Look, Harry said you might have a problem with this because you’re dating, but you need to understand something here. This is a multi million dollar industry, and no offence, I love Harry like a brother and you seem nice enough, but I’m not about to hire someone just because he has a crush.”

_A crush?_ Louis spared a second to be vaguely offended by that before the conversation finally started to sink in.

“It’s… I mean, isn’t it a bit of a gamble? You’ve only heard one song…”

Julian shrugged. “Not much. You’ll be contracted in. If it doesn’t work out then we just let you go.”

“But you’ll have to fly me out and--”

Julian interrupted him.

“Louis. I don’t think you understand the type of money we work with there. One flight is nothing. If you really wanted to you could pay from it yourself. We’d just take it out of your first royalty check.”

Louis spluttered, but didn’t manage words this time. He already had enough for a flight to the states??

And Harry would be touring over there for two more months, so he might get to spend more time with him… and he would be working as an actual writer…

A real job.

In the industry.

Getting paid.

_Shit._

Louis’ smile started slowly before gaining traction and ending up as something that he dimly suspected was probably quite frightening.

_Holy shit._

Julian smiled broadly in response. “Now that’s the look of a man who’s coming to America.”

Louis nodded, grinning. “I am... I mean. I’ll come. I want to come write.” Louis shook his head. “Shit.”

Julian clapped his hands. “Fantastic! I’ll get the ball rolling over here, you text me the company name you want registered, Harry’ll give you my number, and I will see you in two weeks!”

“But… what do I have to do?” Louis tried to catch up with events, but Julian shook his head, still smiling.

“Just have your passport sorted and be ready to write. I’ll be in touch with the details once Harry tells me you’re done with exams.”

Julian turned to someone off camera and nodded.

“I’ve got to go now Lou, say bye to Harry for me.” He gave a thumbs up to the camera. “I’ll see you in a few weeks! This is going to be good!”

Louis stuttered out a hasty bye to the blank screen and stared at the wall. His cheeks were aching.

_Holy shit._

Louis stood up slowly and shakily walked into the kitchen, still grinning like a madman. He stared at Harry’s back where he stood over the stove.

“I’m coming to America.” He whispered in disbelief.

“What Lou?” Harry stirred the pan and turned down the heat, and suddenly, Louis was desperate that he heard the news.

“Harry! I’m coming to America!” he bellowed.

Louis was pretty sure that one day he would be telling their grand kids about the look of shock and joy that crossed Harry’s face when he turned around.

“I’m coming to America!” He shouted again, laughing.

Harry gave a high-pitched squeak that Louis was far too excited to mock him for. “Holy shit! Lou… I—Lou!”

Louis only had a second to brace himself before he was swept up in the fiercest, hungriest kiss that he had ever felt. It was all teeth and uncontrollable smiles and it was the best feeling in the entire world.

He was going to America.

Shit. He was going to America!

•

Harry crept out of bed and tiptoed into the living room, trying his hardest not to wake anyone. For once Niall and Stan were both in, though thankfully they had arrived back after Harry and Louis had finished erm… _celebrating._

Harry was still giddy with it… Louis was coming on tour with him! They were going to be all right, he knew it. He felt the last of his reservations crumble, a piece of him that he hadn’t even known he was holding back.

It was still early, but Harry had noticed yesterday that they were out of juice so he grabbed Louis’ keys and quietly left the house, jogging down the road to the 24 hour convenience store.

The sun was just peeking over the row of terraced houses, turning the sky a brilliant orange as Harry entered the shop, rushing around quickly to grab his ingredients.

The tired looking cashier scanned his items without a fuss, but gave him wide eyes when he finally looked Harry in the face as he accepted the money. Harry winked at him and hurriedly ducked out of the shop.

When he arrived back, there was the distinct sound of Stan getting ready for work; quietly cursing in the kitchen. Harry poked his head around the corner and held out the juice, grinning to himself.

The look of relief he received was beautiful. “My hero.” Stan mumbled.

He laughed. “I’m doing a fry up, want some?”

“Would love some, but I’ve no time.”

Harry nodded sympathetically. “I figured.” He held out the bag of croissants that he had picked up. “For you.”

He was unprepared for Stan to launch himself into his arms. It seemed that was happening a lot these days, Harry was starting to feel special. “Never leave.” Stan whispered.

Harry laughed and untangled himself from the grateful man. “You get me for two more days and then I’m off again. Make the most of it.”

“I will.” Stan frowned. “As happy as I am for Louis to follow his dreams, I’m not sure what I’m going to do alone. I guess I’ll have to move out.”

“What about Niall?”

“He’s leaving after his last exam apparently… Being very mysterious about it too. I think he might have a girlfriend he’s moving in with. He’s been on the phone every second he’s not revising for the past month. Normally Lou gets that sort of thing out of him, but he’s been a bit preoccupied.”

“Oh.” Harry hesitated. “Well I have a flat not far away that I never use… I know Lou doesn’t like accepting favors but you’re welcome to use it until you get yourself sorted out. It’s just sitting empty and it’s not like I can be there whilst I’m on tour.”

Stan stared at him for a few seconds and Harry fidgeted, unsure about whether he’d offended him. After a few seconds the other man smiled fondly. “You really are something else Harry Styles.” He nodded. “If it really isn’t a problem then I would love to use your flat. I’ll obviously look for something else in the meantime. It’s probably time I got my own place anyway.”

Harry grinned and nodded. “Perfect.” He took the other mans phone and quickly typed in a number. “That’s Caroline. Just call her and she’ll sort everything out.”

“You’re a lifesaver Harry, please stay with Lou forever.”

Harry laughed. “If he’ll have me.”

Stan’s face turned serious. “He will Harry. You just have to be patient with him.”

“I’ll do my best.” The two stared at each other, and for once Harry felt like he was actually getting closer to the real Stan.

Which was probably why the moment was immediately broken by a sleepy Niall.

“Tea…” The blonde muttered groggily.

Harry laughed again and waved at Stan who headed quickly out the front door.

“Anything for you Niall.”

He put the kettle on; filling it up enough for himself and Louis as well and then went to wake his boyfriend.

•

The song played again; it’s upbeat rocky melody a nice contrast to its gloomy lyrics. Louis listened through his headphones, blocking the world out whilst Harry made breakfast in the other room.

It finished on an 80’s style guitar fade out, all noise and echoing amps.

He started it again, shut his eyes and listened.

The music pounded out, his own voice singing-shouting back at him in the chorus, with a smoother tone over the melody. 

He jumped slightly as gentle thumbs ran down either side of his neck, Harry’s knuckles digging slightly at the dip of his neck. The younger man waited patiently whilst Louis took off his headphones.

“Breakfasts ready.” Harry rested his chin gently on Louis’ head. “What’s left for today?”

Louis dislodged him, spinning round on his chair and hooking his legs around the backs of Harry’s knees. He grinned happily.

“It’s done. I can’t believe it. It’s actually done, with a day to spare.”

Harry let out a delighted sound and dropped forwards, his knees resting on either side of Louis, settling on his lap. “You did it?! I’m so proud of you Lou!”

Louis brought his hands up, resting on Harry’s hips, and digging his fingers in where he knew that he’s left bruises last night. Harry laughed as he squirmed. “Breakfast babe, then whatever you want… You deserve a reward.”

Louis grinned wickedly and pressed harder, eliciting a small groan from Harry. “But you’re right here…” He whined. The reminder to himself of what they had done last night sent a rush of arousal through him.

Harry laughed and jumped off the chair, pulling him gently to his feet. Louis groaned in frustration. “Not fair babe.”

He leant forwards, nuzzling into Harry’s neck as the taller man pressed small kisses down his jaw. Harry nodded, “Mmm,” he agreed, “not fair at all.”

Louis sighed happily and nipped at his boyfriend’s neck, getting a small shudder in return.

Harry continued, “but I need more time for how I plan to reward you Lou, and we’ll need lots of energy. So… food.” He pressed one firm kiss to the corner of Louis’ mouth before pulling away.

Louis whined at the loss, winding his arms around Harry’s waist and holding tight. What Harry was saying probably made sense, but Louis was definitely not listening.

Harry laughed and leaned down to breathe gently in his ear, sending small shivers down his back. “All right Lou. If you insist, but this is just a preview…”

Louis yelped as Harry swiftly pulled his sweats down, releasing his half-hard cock, and pushed him backwards into the chair, retaking his position straddling Louis’ lap.

“I suppose you do deserve a reward.” He muttered huskily, running his hands firmly down Louis’ sides, before lavishing his mouth with small, teasing pecks.

Louis lifted his hips, straining for some friction, but Harry hovered cruelly above him. “Not yet love. You’ve been impatient enough.”

Louis shut his eyes in frustration, the teasing sending him rapidly to full hardness.

“You’re so gorgeous like this,” Harry whispered, and Louis felt cold air suddenly as the larger man dropped off the chair and onto the floor.

He had a moment to mourn the loss – having Harry moaning above him was one of his very favorite things (that and having Harry moaning beneath him. Or next to him) – before he felt warm breath tease across his flushed cock.

Louis squirmed slightly. “Harry—don’t tease.”

“Why not?” Harry pressed a humming kiss to the top of Louis’ cock. “You were too impatient to wait for your reward love. I think you need to be taught a lesson.” Harry pressed more small, feather-light kisses down Louis’ shaft.

“No… Harry, please.” He groaned in frustration.

Harry laughed. “All right Lou, but only because you’ve been working so hard.”

Louis was unprepared when Harry swallowed him down, humming once more what Louis finally realized was his own song.

Louis’ breath stuttered from the sensation, and his hips rose on their own accord but were firmly held down by Harry’s strong hands.

The younger man hollowed his cheeks and sucked, making small contented noises. Louis didn’t understand how anyone could be so happy to have a cock in their mouth, although Louis wouldn’t say no to Harry’s…

He growled in frustration as the younger man pulled off, ignoring his aching cock to nip biting kisses into his inner thighs, leaving them red and stinging in the best way.

Louis groaned louder and squirmed. “Harry… Love…”

One of Harry’s big, clever hands snaked across and wrapped around him, giving him a few tugs whilst Harry’s mouth worked down between his legs, slowly sucking one of his balls into his mouth. Harry hummed again, rolling it over his tongue gently before pulling off to continue his ministrations to Louis’ thighs. “Patience sweetheart,” he muttered. “God I love your legs… so strong… wrap so tight around me.”

He moved steadily up, grazing across Louis’ hips and hovering once more over his hard length. A pink tongue flicked out as Harry licked his lips, panting slightly.

Green eyes flicked up at him as Harry finally took him back into his mouth and started sucking with intent, his head bobbing up and down and his hand moving across to join it, wrapping around what his mouth couldn’t fit.

Louis couldn’t watch as sharp stabs of arousal fired through him, his orgasm building like a heavy weight. He shuddered with the feeling, his hips jerking up once more with Harry’s rhythm, but before he could get anywhere Harry pulled off again, smirking at Louis’ frustrated cry. “Just take what you want babe.” He grinned, opening his mouth wide and waiting patiently.

Louis spared no time, desperately tangling his hands in Harry’s thick hair and guiding himself into his warm, waiting mouth.

Harry’s slight nod was enough for Louis to start thrusting gently, steadily speeding up as he chased his release. Harry shifted his head, allowing Louis deeper into the wet warmth of his mouth.

A few thrusts later, and Louis was struggling to hold on.

“Babe, close… close,” he bit out, letting go of Harry’s hair so that he could pull off, but the green eyed man only took him deeper, returning once more to his own rhythm until, with one last shout, Louis spilled into Harry’s waiting mouth.

With a sigh he sunk back to his chair, pulling Harry up and drawing him in to a deep kiss, tasting himself on his boyfriend’s tongue. “Your turn,” he grinned.

Harry shook his head, his own smile lighting up his face. “Later. Breakfast now.” He said, leaning forwards for a kiss so deep that Louis could feel Harry’s happiness right down to his toes.

•

A car horn sounded from the street below.

Harry did one last sweep around the room. That was it; he was all packed up. Anyway, anything that he might have forgotten Louis could bring when he joined him in ten days. For the first time in months, Harry was nothing but excited to be going back on tour.

He bounced a little on his heels and turned to face his farewell committee.

“Stan.” He nodded seriously. “You have 10 days to take care of Lou. Remember to walk him once a day and feed him regularly.” He winked at Louis. “Don’t worry about bathing him, I did that yesterday, he should be ok for a while.”

Stan looked a little sick. “We know. We heard.”

Harry laughed and turned to Louis, quickly darting in for a sneaky kiss before stepping back. “Babe. Remember to buy Stan juice, he gets cranky without it, remind him to call Caroline about the flat, and please refrain from bathing him. You have 10 days to finish your duties.”

Louis saluted him, grinning. “Yes captain.”

Harry turned to the last member, standing with his own pile of bags. Niall had shipped most of his stuff home to his mother after his last exam the week before. He would be moving out at the same time as Harry.

“Niall.” Harry shook his head. “You are abandoning ship and going on a mysterious adventure. Your mission is to keep in regular contact, and look after yourself.” He grinned. “I’m going to miss your face.”

Niall looked a little sheepish. “Yeah, about that… I actually thought you would have guessed what was going on by now… I mean, I wasn’t exactly subtle or anything.” He shrugged. “But with Lou going a bit crazy and the two of you getting into a mess I thought I’d wait a bit to tell ‘ya.”

Harry took about a millisecond to realize what was going on, because he really should have been paying better attention. He jumped forwards and pulled Niall into a hug.

“Yes!!! Niall!!! You’re coming with me?!”

The Irishman laughed. “I’m coming with you mate! I’ve been sortin it with Liam these past few months!”

“Niall that’s fantastic!” Harry released the giggling idiot and stepped back. “Does that mean I get to find out what you actually do now?”

Niall grinned and winked. “You’ll work it out mate.”

Harry turned back to the other two, who were looking equally happy, if a little puzzled.

Stan was the first to react, jumping forwards and smacking Niall on the arm. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us. What the hell man!?”

“I couldn’t!” Niall protested. “Louis was in a mess man!”

“Hey!”

Niall grinned over at Louis. “Anyway, you both know now. So what do you think Lou, me and you on tour… I still can’t believe it.”

Harry couldn’t believe it either. This was perfect. Louis would have someone familiar around for when he got homesick – which he was almost guaranteed to at some point, and Harry got to hang out with Niall. This tour was going to be the best yet!

He looked over to where his boyfriend was frowning a little.

“Sorry to disappoint Niall, but I’m writing, so I guess I’ll be with Julian, wherever he is. But I’ll be in the same country, so I’ll come visit you loads.”

Now it was Harry’s turn to frown.

“Lou… I thought you talked about this with Julian?”

Louis nodded. “I did.”

“I guess he forgot to tell you everything then… the writing team needs to be around all the time, to record bits and listen to how they sound with my voice and stuff… plus, sometimes I write too.” Harry was suddenly nervous. “I hope that’s ok… I mean, I thought you knew…”

“Oh my god.” Louis whispered, before throwing himself forwards. “Harry that’s amazing! I get to be with you the whole time!? And Niall!? Shit this is going to be fantastic!”

Harry laughed and pulled the excited man into a deep kiss, trying to convey as much of his joy as possible through his lips.

“You’re fantastic.” He mumbled, not caring how cheesy he sounded.

Louis was coming on tour. Finally.

Harry pulled back at the sounds of Stan fake gagging and grinned, picking up one of Niall’s with his own.

“Ready then Ni?”

The blonde nodded enthusiastically and gathered up the rest of his bags. “Look after yourselves boys. Me and Hazza have to be going now.”

Harry shared one last hug with Louis, leaning down to whisper in his ear, “ten days love,” before heading for the door.

He still wasn’t sure he really believed it was happening… Louis was coming on tour with him, and in the meantime he got to show the world’s most receptive tourist/shopper/human what it was like to be a superstar. He threw a happy arm around Niall.

He hugged the blonde. “This is going to be amazing.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week has been incredibly confusing and sad for me, and not because of Zayn, though that sucked. I wish I could separate my life from my writing, but I think in this instance I failed.
> 
> Thank you for reading this far. There are two chapters left and they are all planned out.


	9. And they're off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Harry is a sex pest,  
> Louis digs deep,  
> Liam panics,  
> Niall does what Niall does,  
> and Zayn is mentioned vaguely, because I'm still dealing with feelings.
> 
> Also, there's no sex in this chapter. Probably there should be. It's certainly going on.

“You’re going to be travelling with Harry’s entourage, and that means that we’ll have to take certain _precautions._ Just a little thing really, something to make you less…” the man-whose-name-Louis-hadn’t-bothered-to-remember waved his arms around. “You’ll understand of course.”

Louis looked moodily over at the man, sitting at his large desk in his spacious office in a quite frankly ridiculous building, which was all, very clearly, designed to make him feel small.

The man combed a hand through his thinning hair, presumably a gesture left over from when there was more of it, Louis thought. His impatience making him catty.

_Just let me go._ Louis was starting to get angry now. _Get back on your exercise bike and leave me be._

Louis shifted in his offensively comfortable armchair and gave up all pretense, glaring grumpily at the idiot who was keeping him from exploring this amazing city with his boyfriend. He was in _New York_ for fucks sake, and if this twit didn’t let him go he might not even get to see it!

Louis had expected the crowds and the huge buildings, and he’d even somewhat expected the vague sense of urgency that seemed to hover over everyone here. What he hadn’t expected, was to be whisked directly from the extremely stressful airplane ride and into a meeting with some PR muppet who apparently couldn’t find a point in a draw-full of knives.

He scratched at the leather of his armchair, still ignoring the seemingly endless drone of the man in front of him. There were pictures of children on his desk, so someone must like him… or maybe not. He could just collect pictures of children. _Creepy._ Louis kicked the desk a little, working himself up to a full on strop. He wished he could just talk to Julian, he liked Julian. Julian got to the point quickly.

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a finger snap right in his face. _Rude._ “Louis are you listening?”

“No. Not even a little bit.” _See. I can be rude too._

The man sighed in frustration. “Fine. I was trying to get you used to the idea but clearly that isn’t working.”

Louis kicked the desk again. Now that he was paying attention, he noticed that the man wasn’t actually in _any_ of the pictures. So, definitely a creepy collector of kid’s photos. _I wonder if they knew he was taking them._  

“Louis!” The man was starting to get a little red in the face. It didn’t suit him. “This is Harry’s career we’re talking about. I would think you should take it a little more seriously.”

_Low blow._ Louis scowled at him and raised an eyebrow.

The man stared at him for a few seconds. “Louis. We’ve hired you a girlfriend.”

_What._

His scowl dimmed slightly with that bizarre statement. Surely they weren’t serous…?

“Thanks?” He tried hesitantly, ”but I don’t actually need one. You can keep her. She might like your collection of kiddy pictures.”

The PR consultant frowned. “I’m afraid you’re wrong. You do need one Louis. That’s what I’ve been trying to explain.” He looked down at one of his pictures for a second, _really creepy,_ Louis decided. “If you weren’t in the spotlight then this wouldn’t be necessary, but with the way it’s been these past few weeks… We honestly thought you would understand. It’s too early for this to happen now. And to be frank, we thought Harry’s career was more important than half a year’s inconvenience.”

The man smirked unattractively and continued. “Harry isn’t supposed to be completely straight right now, so he doesn’t need a girlfriend. Plus he doesn’t exactly _seem_ gay. You on the other hand…” He waved a hand around in a gesture that Louis would probably be offended by, if he weren’t so busy being utterly baffled. “Well denying it isn’t exactly going to hide what you are.”

Louis was starting to wish he hadn’t tuned back in to the conversation. He may not completely understand what was going on here, but he could spot a homophobe when one was waving his hands effeminately in his face. _What the actual fuck._ “What I am?” He growled menacingly. “What I am??? Tell me what the fuck I am??”

“Right.” Louis jumped slightly as a firm voice sounded from behind him. “I think that’s enough of that Ben. Let me talk to Louis for a bit.”

A tall man walked round and into his line of sight, leaning up against the desk and waiting until the other man – Ben apparently – had hurried out and shut the door before speaking.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that Louis. I’ve just been in a meeting with Harry or I’d have come sooner. I asked my assistant to explain things, but he doesn’t seem to have done so well.”

_Oh._ Well that probably explained the photos then.

This man was taller than the other, with thick black hair and sharp eyes. He held out his hand and shook Louis’ firmly. “I’m Simon, I lead Harry’s PR team.”

_Huh. So this is Simon_. The mastermind behind Harry’s coming out. Probably Louis should be a little more respectful.

“I don’t want a girlfriend.” His mouth said, with absolutely no permission from his brain. _Whoops_.

Simon nodded, unfazed. “I know Louis, believe me. But I need you to understand; it’s too early for Harry to come out. We haven’t prepared the ground enough, and we don’t know how his audience would react.”

Louis frowned. “I’m not exactly going to snog him in public…”

Simon chuckled and shrugged. “Sadly, you wouldn’t need too. Hopefully Ben already said this, but just in case - it would be different if you were a complete unknown, but you have your own fan base. People have seen you two together.” He sighed then. “And you don’t need to make out with him for it to be obvious that you two are together.”

Louis thought about that. It probably was pretty obvious now that he thought about it. Both of them touched each other as much as they could, even if they were innocent little touches. Plus, there was Harry’s habit of sneaking kisses that he’d already almost slipped up on and they’d only been there a few hours. _And don’t get me started about Harry’s staring…_

Plus if people were actually studying them…

Louis’ brain suddenly clicked with a piece of information he’d somehow been skipping over.

“Umm… I hate to disappoint you, but I don’t actually have a fan base.” He grinned slowly. “Because I’m not famous, so no one will be watching me and I won’t need to get a pretend girlfriend. Nice chat though, It’s been fun.”

He was blocked as he attempted to get up by an abnormally large hand.

“Please tell me that you aren’t that oblivious.” Simon drawled.

“Eh, no. I think I would know if I were famous.”

“Apparently not.”

Louis raised both eyebrows. He’d just flown economy class from London via a public airport, taking public transport the whole way, and not even the girl he’d play-flirted with at the check-in desk had been remotely interested in him. Plus, he’d know if he were famous. Someone would have told him. He shook his head in denial.

“How many twitter followers do you have Louis?” Simon was smiling now, but not in an encouraging way. More like an ‘I’m stretching my mouth to see if you’ll fit’ kind of way.

Louis shrugged uncomfortably. “About 500 I guess… Harry started following me…”

Simon nodded. “And when did you last look at your account?”

Louis bristled at the mocking tone. It was his account, who the hell cared if he ignored it for a little while. He was starting to dislike Simon almost as much as Ben. “Six weeks ago? A month? Two? I don’t remember. Who the hell cares?”

“I’m on your side you know.” Simon said carefully. “I know I work with Harry, but while you’re dating him I effectively work with you too, so let me tell you something for free; if you want to stay in this business then you need to be careful with your image.”

The man reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a tablet, handing it to a now slightly apprehensive Louis. “Check it.” Simon said simply.

Louis took the tablet carefully and pulled up twitter, hesitating over signing in. It couldn’t be that bad… he’d been seen one time with Harry in London, but that was basically it. Even if they’d somehow found out his name to match the pictures it couldn’t be that bad – it’d only been _one time_. The only other thing was the song; his name was on Wikipedia (and hadn’t that been a terrifyingly exciting discovery), so he might have gotten a few followers from that. Anyway, how many did Simon consider to be a lot? Harry had once said that even people with ten thousand or so followers sometimes had PR reps, so probably it wasn’t so bad.

Anyway. If he were really famous then _someone would have told him._ His sisters had twitter for fucks sake. If he were famous there was no way he wouldn’t know.

Louis shuddered at the thought. _Ten thousand followers_. Jesus, that would be scary. That was worst case though, he reassured himself, quickly sighing into his profile and shutting his eyes.

He leant back in the comfy chair and allowed himself to feel tired for a few moments, before he was ungraciously interrupted.

“Louis.” Simon said simply.

He opened his eyes and looked, letting out a sigh of relief.

_3.1._

_That’s not so bad._

“So just over 3 thousand?” He smiled, slightly annoyed that he’d let Simon get him so worked up. “I wouldn’t exactly call that a fan base.”

Simon’s face was carefully blank. “Try again.”

Louis frowned and looked at the little 3.1 again.

And then again.

A strange tingling started in the ends of his fingers and toes, working slowly up his arms. “There must be a mistake…”

The tingling crept up past his legs now, making butterflies dance in his stomach and continuing up, wrapping around his chest.

Simon placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be ok Louis. We know what to do. It’s our job to deal with this.”

Louis looked at the screen again, blinking hard to try to change it, but it didn’t matter. However he squinted or rubbed his eyes or logged out and back in it didn’t seem to change it. Nothing he could do was changing it.

He stared unblinkingly at the little _M._

_3.1M._

_•_

For the first time since he was 16, Harry sat outside Simon’s office, pale and nervous. He could only see the back of Louis’ head through the glass, and it wasn’t telling him much.

He stroked the backs of his hands, tapping the points of his fingers together and lent his head back against the wall.

Simon was supposed to be telling Louis about his new ‘girlfriend’, and Harry still couldn’t work out how he’d been convinced to stay outside. Cowardice maybe? He stood and began pacing outside the office. He should never have left Louis’ side. Not here.

This place always did bring out the worst in him. God he hated it. The plate glass walls and open spaces made him feel exposed, and the perfectly pressed PR reps with their spray tans always made him feel scruffy and unwashed.

Plus, it didn’t help that this was the building in which some of his most naïve, most greedy, most _shameful_ life decisions had been made. This was the building he’d sold his soul in… and even if his PR team would come with him when he eventually changed management, it would never take away his instinctive disgust of what they’d done together.

Harry rested his hand on the door handle and looked through the glass at Simon, who had a look of utter puzzlement on his face that Harry was surprised to note he had never seen before. Simon glanced over and nodded at him, and Harry wasted no time in barging into the meeting.

When he rounded the comfortable armchair, he was met with a disheveled and flushed Louis, muttering seemingly to himself and shaking his hands compulsively.

_Jesus Simon, what have you done?_

Harry knelt in front of his boyfriend and caught his hands as he went to shake them again.

“Lou?” He reached up to stroke his cheek. “What’s wrong babe? What happened?”

Getting no response, he turned to Simon, who shook his head, still looking lost. “He genuinely didn’t know he was famous. Seriously… I’ve been in this job over 20 years, and I honestly have no idea how this could have happened.”

Harry’s stomach twisted uncomfortably. Louis hadn’t said anything about his sudden surge in popularity over the past three weeks, but he’d had exams, so it made sense to try not to think about it until everything was over...

There was a guilty creature squirming in his chest. He should have talked to Louis about this. He should have said something.

“I’m so sorry babe,” he whispered, lacing their fingers together. “I should have told you… We should have talked about it.”

He didn’t try to defend himself further. A dark voice was whispering that in the deepest corner of himself, he had suspected that Louis might not know…

His blue-eyed boyfriend looked at him then, his forehead wrinkling. “No.” He said simply.

Harry shook his head, confused.

“Don’t apologize. I had exams Harry, not bringing it up was the right thing to do… It’s just a bit of a shock. I don’t… I mean, how could I not know about this? …and how did it happen?”

Warmth washed through Harry's stomach as the guilt receded, he brought Louis’ hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently, before looking over at Simon, who visibly straightened and nodded. “I can’t answer the first question, but for the second…”

He held out his hand, and Louis passed him a tablet that had apparently been laying down the side of his chair.

Harry looked around himself as Simon searched for whatever he was looking for. Moving to another of the wide armchairs would take him too far away from Louis, so he lowered himself down to the thick carpet and unfolded his legs, leaning back against Louis’ knees. His arm was stretched a little awkwardly behind him where their fingers were still linked, but he considered it a small inconvenience if it helped Louis feel a bit more stable.He squeezed his boyfriend’s hand. At least they were finally together. Harry was aware that he was a huge sap, but he genuinely believed that as long as they were together, everything would be ok.

“Ok.” Simon handed the tablet back over Harry’s head and Louis let go of his hand as he took it. “We’ll do this in order of how it happened.”

Harry lent his head back and shut his eyes as Simon went on. “We’ve been watching tumblr, which is were this seems to have started. There are a few pictures from the week Harry spent in London with you, back in March. Mostly just pictures of the group of you leaving Harry’s rehearsal space after the Taylor reconciliation broke, but they somehow got hold of a few with just the two of you. Nothing major, just a few posts wondering who you were – a bit of speculation.”

Harry relaxed further as he felt a hand start to card through his hair. He loved having his hair petted… Probably a little too much for company, if he was honest. The clever hand tugged gently and Harry squirmed a little, enjoying the sensation. If Louis wanted to distract himself by winding Harry up then he wasn't about to stop him. It would serve Simon right for all of the stupid stunts the older man had made him do. Making him uncomfortable by getting hard in his office would probably be classed as fair payback, and if Harry was _really_ honest, well… He didn't exactly _mind_ an audience. He let out a small groan at the thought. Anyway, forcing them to sit through meetings after having been apart for _weeks_ just wasn’t fair… he’d been wound up long before Louis had started teasing him.

Simon continued, ignoring him. “Then nothing for the rest of March while Harry was on tour.” The tablet was passed back over Harry’s head and Simon pulled up something else. “Next we have the pap shots from April 17th when you two and Niall went shopping. That seems to have been when the interest really started, but they still didn’t know who you were; it was mostly just fan art, stories, photo manipulations and the like. Incidentally, Niall has half a million followers himself. He’s pretty happy about it.”

There was a pause. “Are you trying to make me feel guilty?” Louis’ voice was cautious, so Harry stuck a hand up his trouser leg and squeezed his ankle. He got another gentle tug on his hair in response.

“He’s not love.” Harry interjected, his voice wavering just a little.

He opened his eyes to look at Simon, who frowned at him suspiciously but shook his head. “Of course not. Now, the turning point seems to have happened at the start of June after Ariana released your song. We put your picture on our songwriters page along with your name…”

Harry grinned. “tumblr detectives at work again.” He interrupted, before tipping his head back to focus on the feeling of his boyfriend’s hands in his hair.

Simon nodded. “Exactly. Your little fan group on tumblr got hold of the photo and put a name to the face. They found your twitter pretty quickly after that.”

The tablet was passed to Simon once more. “And now for when the real trouble started – the pictures from the grocery store.”

Harry tightened his grip on Louis’s leg, the situation seeming a little less funny all of a sudden. He’d forgotten about those pictures…

There was a long pause, which Harry assumed was Louis scrolling through them. The hand in his hair was gone, so Harry shut his eyes again, impatiently waiting for his boyfriend’s reaction.

“So,” came the voice from directly above him. “Harry was photographed near to the flat?”

Harry relaxed in relief as Louis’ hand returned to stroking his hair.

Simon picked the story back up. “Harry took a few pictures with fans in London over those two weeks, just to keep people engaged.”

“But he was with me the whole time.” Louis sounded confused, but as long as he was still touching him, Harry wasn’t worried. He fidgeted a little, adjusting his trousers. Simon was staring at him in a distinctly unfriendly way. _Good. I hope my sexually frustrated face gives you nightmares._

He leaned his head back further, trying to see Louis’ face but falling short. “I went out a few times to do the shopping remember? I took pictures then, but I wasn’t near the flat. I went into the center.”

He saw Simon nodding from the corner of his eye, obviously deciding to focus on the conversation rather than the current state of his most famous client. “Harry was instructed to take the pictures at a safe distance so that people wouldn’t get ideas… Unfortunately, a few fans found the area you lived in from Stan, Niall and your twitters.”

“Jesus!” He tugged hard at Harry’s hair – most likely by accident. Harry moaned.

He squeezed Louis’ leg again. “They’re really resourceful.” He said with a shaky voice.

“Never underestimate fans.” Simon continued to nod, aggressively ignoring Harry. “And even more unfortunately, they linked the fan pictures together with the ones taken near to your house – They’ve decided that Harry was there for the full two weeks.”

“I was.” He said cheekily, winking at a now uncomfortable looking Simon.

Simon glared at him. “And that,” he continued, “was when the ‘Larry Stylinson’ tag really started.”

“I don’t understand?” Louis still sounded lost, and Harry was starting to suspect that this masterful game they were playing with Simon was all him.

Simon gestured to the tablet. “You know how to use tumblr, yes?”

The hand left Harry’s hair again. He waited impatiently for it to return, adjusting his trousers again, enjoying the friction.

“Holy shit” Louis cursed. “Where did all this come from??”

Simon snorted. “The internet is resourceful… Obviously there are an uncountable number of pictures of Harry, and apparently plenty of you if you know where to look… Thank goodness your facebook was already private or we’d have been in real trouble.”

Harry rubbed his head back into Louis’ thigh, trying to get attention, and whining slightly when he was ignored.

“So they’ve what, photo shopped us together? What about the gifs?”

“People always take videos as well as pictures these days.” Simon sighed. “Sadly, even when you two are no where near each other you still look smitten. Niall has been in almost all of the pictures and is living in the same flat, but no one thinks he’s with Harry—well, not many people anyway.”

Harry grinned and tilted his head to lightly kiss his boyfriends denim-clad thigh. He _was_ smitten. Very smitten. And what was even better was that apparently, so was Louis. All Harry had had to do over the past few weeks, whenever he was missing his boyfriend was to go on tumblr and read all the comments on how perfect they were for each other, and as Simon said, how terribly _smitten_ they both looked.

Simon’s words suddenly caught up with him and he frowned. “Wait, what? Me and Niall? Seriously?” He asked, momentarily distracted.

“Not the point Harry.” Simon chided, continuing his lecture.“Look, you two’ve really taken off. The songwriter and the singer… a secret long distance relationship… forbidden love. The fans like it.”

A snort came from above him. “Then why do we need to hide?”

Simon shook his head. “That was misleading. The _tumblr_ fans like it. Unfortunately 3 million isn’t a big enough proportion of Harry’s fan base, and Tumblr is notoriously biased towards minority representation… Still, it’s a good start. We’ll need to grow that fan base as much as possible, but we need to do it subtly. And I’m afraid to say Louis, coming back to the main point. That at least for a while, you need to have a girlfriend.”

Harry breathed a sigh of relief as both of Louis’ hands went back to his hair, running through it and massaging his scalp. He let out a small, contented groan and shot a triumphant smirk at Simon.

“What do you think Harry?” Louis asked.

He pushed back into those hands, feeling his stomach clench and hoping that Simon was enjoying the view. He groaned again, before he answered. “It’s not ideal Lou, but it’ll only be for the rest of the year, or even less… If it means that we can spend time together without worrying, then I’m all for it. We can find ways for keeping tumblr happy.”

Harry smirked harder and writhed in his position on the floor as a gentle kiss was pressed onto the top of his head. He shifted again. It was entirely possible, he suddenly realized, that Louis didn't actually understand what he was doing to Harry. Probably he thought the presence of Simon would somehow make a difference to his normal reaction to attention. “Ok then…” his oblivious boyfriend continued,“I can’t really get my head around all of this right now, and I need to find out how the hell I didn’t know about this—but I’ll go along with the whole girlfriend thing if it’s what’s best for Harry.”

Harry grinned and turned further, cuddling into Louis’ thigh. “Thank you.” He whispered, kissing the rough denim again, probably a little too high up for comfort.

This time the moan he let out was anything but quiet as Louis tugged sharply on his hair. _Or maybe he does know._

Simon glared at the two of them and pushed away from the desk. “Good. I think we're done here. Time for you two to go.” he said a little sharply.

Harry jumped up off the floor and pulled a now-blushing Louis with him, darting forwards to press a quick kiss to his lips whilst he had him close. Time to go indeed. To the car… The big car… With dark windows… And a spacious interior.

Harry was finally starting to enjoy this day. He wasn’t going to kid himself; Louis having a pretend girlfriendprobably wouldn’t be easy for either of them, but Harry was confident that they could get through it. Besides, Harry had done this plenty of times, he could give Louis advice, and anyway, she was probably really nice.

They could worry about that some other time, he decided. Right now that didn’t matter. He tugged hurriedly on Louis’ hand. Right now there was a car to get to.

•

Louis kicked at the piano stand angrily for the second time that night and winced as his toe bent back. Julian was staring at him with one eyebrow raised.

“Feel better?” he asked.

Louis sank into his chair in defeat, tipping his head back to stare at the off-white ceiling. “A little.”

“Liar.”

Louis huffed. “Fine. No I don’t feel better.”

“And?”

He growled a little. “And I’m sorry I took it out on your piano.”

Julian nodded his dark head. “Emotions are good Louis. Strong emotions make strong songs. We just need to dig deep.”

Louis frowned. “You sure you want to do that to your equipment?”

Julian barked out a laugh and leaned up against the maroon walls of the hotel room that they were writing in. “Positive. I feel like we’re really getting somewhere with this one. Harry needs something a bit different on this next album, and this is it.”

The older man stared steadily at Louis. “So talk to me about why you just assaulted my piano.”

Louis felt his temper start to rise again. “Because you keep fucking asking about Eleanor!”

“Your girlfriend.”

Louis glared. The only reason he hadn’t punched Julian right in his smug face was because of the almost-finished song sitting on the table. He couldn’t deny it – the man got results. “Yes.” He spat. “My girlfriend. Who, no, I am not attracted to, and no, I did not enjoy kissing… why would you even ask that?”

Julian shrugged and stared down at the song for a moment. When he looked back up there was a sharp focus in his eyes. “So you kissed someone else. How do you think Harry felt about that?”

“He was fine with it.”

“Was he?”

Louis felt the guilty twist in his stomach clench once more. He’d done what he was told to, and Harry said he was fine with it but… He wrapped his arms around himself and dug up the memories. _This is for Harry._

“He said he was… but, the look on his face…”

“Describe it.” Julian prompted.

Louis shut his eyes, not wanting to draw the image forwards again but not able to help it anyway. “It was like he was lost, or… sinking or something. I’ve never seen him look like that. Not hurt… just like something had shifted and he didn’t know what his purpose was anymore. Like he was drifting or something.” Louis stamped his foot on the floor. “Harry was fading away and she thought it was funny. Like it was a fucking game or something.”

He opened his eyes to see Julian scribbling something down on the paper.

“Ok good, that’s good. So she’s insensitive.”

“She thinks it’s a job!”

“It is a job.”

Louis glared as harshly as he could manage. “It’s our lives.” He said through gritted teeth. “She shouldn’t get enjoyment out of our misery. She took a picture of him and said ‘despair is beautiful’. Like this is all some fucking uni art project.”

He shut his eyes again and tried to slow his breathing, listening to the gentle scratching of pen on paper. “It’s not even her fault I guess. I agreed to this… I don’t think she gets what’s going on… I mean, she knows about us but she’s in this bubble and she doesn’t… I dunno. She doesn’t understand how deep it goes. She’s acting, we’re acting. I suppose it makes sense that she doesn’t know what’s real.”

The scratching stopped. “You look tired.”

Louis kept his eyes closed, used to Julian’s sudden topic changes. “I am tired.”

“You should go to bed Louis. We’ve got some good stuff today. We can do the music tomorrow, and I’ve got some ideas for the next song.”

Louis stood and finally opened his eyes, squinting even in the dim light. Now that Julian mentioned it, he was tired. What with all of the outings with Eleanor, writing, and keeping to Harry’s tour schedule, he was exhausted. Emotionally as much as physically. His mentor was wringing every last feeling out of him in an attempt to write an amazing album. If it weren’t for Harry, Louis would have told him to go fuck himself.

Well, he’d already told him that twice tonight… but if he wasn’t writing for Harry he might have actually meant it. As it was, he was quickly building a solid friendship with Julian. The kind that came from sharing deep and painful things, and doing it for both the art, and for the man they both loved, in their different ways. Over the past month, Julian had come to know all of Louis’ moods and his deepest feelings. He knew when Louis needed food, when he needed a change of location, when he needed to be left alone with his thoughts or brought forcibly out of them…So if Julian said that Louis should go to bed, well… Louis was going to bed. “Ok, yeah.” He agreed, shuffling towards the door. “Ok.”

•

The hotel was quiet as Louis slumped down the corridor and silently let himself in to the room he was sharing with Harry.

Without turning on the light, he quickly stripped off his shirt, sweats, and socks, climbing slowly under the duvet in only his boxers and letting out a relieved sigh as his head touched the soft pillow.

“Lu’i?” Came a soft mumble.

“Yeah it’s me. Go back to sleep love.”

“You ok?” Harry seemed to be waking up in increments, so Louis tried to soothe him back to sleep, stroking his hair gently. He had more interviews tomorrow and one last concert before they headed off to the European leg of the tour. Louis couldn’t believe he’d been touring for well over a month already. He didn’t know how Harry managed it – it was the most draining thing he’d ever done.

“I’m fine love, go back to sleep.”

Harry rolled over and Louis was forced to give up his attempts not to wake his boyfriend. Harry always wanted to know how the writing was going; excited to hear and record whatever they had for him. Louis felt the last of his previous anger melt away, and was suddenly light headed from the relief of a sudden realization… “I think we’ve actually finished the lyrics for the last one.” He said in surprise.

The long-haired boy shuffled forwards until they were almost nose-to-nose. “Good.” He sighed. “I don’t like what this is doing to you Lou. You look so stressed out all the time. Especially this last one… whatever Julian was making you do isn’t worth it.”

Louis could only see a faint Harry-shaped outline in the dark, but he could hear the worry in his voice. He inched forwards until their noses touched. “I’m ok Haz,” he breathed into the space between them, “I just want the best for your album, and it will be. It’s gonna be amazing Harry, we’re going to make you so proud.”

Dry lips pressed to his nose. “You already do Lou. I'm always proud of you, every day. You’re amazing… But I don’t want an amazing album at your expense. I’d rather have a crappy album and a healthy Lou.”

“You'd rather have a shit album?” Louis asked, smiling in the dark.

“Mmmhmm, the shittyest, baddest, worst album ever written, and a healthy, tasty Lou” Louis jumped as something wet happened to his nose in the dark… Had Harry just licked him??

“Very tasty.”

Louis was suddenly overpowered by fondness he felt for this bizarre creature. “Oh my god I'm in love with an idiot,” he laughed.

Harry suddenly stilled. The air around them felt charged in the silence, and Louis was confused for a second before he realized what he’s actually said. _Oh. Oops._ That wasn’t the way he’d planned on saying _it_ … still. It was probably fitting.

Harry was breathing heavily and Louis wondered what was going through his head.

“You said you love me.”

“I did.” Louis smiled at his disbelieving tone.

“But… you love me?”

“I do.” Louis was grinning now.

“But… you really love me? You mean it? It wasn’t just an… an accident?”

Louis shuffled forwards until their noses actually were touching. “Yes I mean it. Yes I love you. No it was not an accident.” He chuckled. “Honestly Harry, half the internet knows, it’s not exactly a secret.”

“But you never said it before. Never.”

“I know.” It was Louis’ turn to kiss a nose now. “But I do. I love you. And I loved you yesterday, and the day before, and the day before… for a while now actually.”

Harry let out a strange sort of squawk and pushed him over, rolling his large body on top of Louis and somehow keeping their noses pressed together.

“You really love me.”

“I really do.” Louis fake pouted. “But it’s starting to feel a little one sided.”

Harry surged forwards and kissed him firmly on the mouth. “I love you,” he mumbled between fervent kisses. “I love you. I love you. I do. Always. For ages. Forever.”

“Good,” he smiled, catching Harry’s next kiss and turning it into something deep and slow, before rolling them both back so that Harry was lying back on the bed.

He leant forwards and gave Harry one last peck on the lips. “I’m glad we got that sorted out. Time to sleep now.”

“Wait, what? No!” Harry protested.

Louis felt Harry’s big hands tucking under the waist of his boxers, and his dick gave a quiet twitch, but he was pretty sure that neither of them had the energy, whatever Harry was playing at. “Harry, we have to get up soon. You need to sleep.”

There was a muted grumbling sound in the dark and Harry’s hands stilled, but stayed put. “No. You said ‘I love you’. We need to have ‘I love you’ sex.”

Louis laughed at the ridiculous man. “We have plenty of sex Harry. We had sex yesterday. You blew me this morning. I’m pretty sure we’re going to have sex tomorrow too… We can manage one night without.”

“It’s not the same.” Harry whined.

Louis ran his hands down the soft skin of Harry’s sides, tracing the tattoos that he couldn’t see. “Babe, I loved you when we had sex yesterday, and the day before, and the day before… Like I said, I’ve loved you for a while now.”

Harry made a small sound that Louis couldn’t decipher and covered Louis’ hand with his own. He felt the bigger man moving forwards, and tilted his head up. Harry’s kiss was deep and searching, and any part of Louis that doubted that he was loved was swept away with it.

The kiss tuned harder and Louis pulled back with the sudden realization that he’d been duped.

Frowning into the darkness in exasperation, he caught Harry’s hands as they resumed their wandering.

“Harry, sleep. Please sleep. I won’t love you any less tomorrow. If you want this to be special then you’ll want to be awake for it.” He gave a gentle push and was rewarded with Harry rolling away from him. Louis scooted closer, pushing his whole front along Harry’s warm, strong back and wrapping his arms around the bigger man.

Harry let out a gentle sigh.

“Go to sleep sweetheart,” Louis whispered. “We can have ‘I love you’ sex tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and for as long as you still love me.”

“…’l always love you, Lou.” Harry mumbled into his pillow.

Louis kissed the back of his neck happily. “Then we’re going to be having a lot of sex.” He whispered into the dark.

“s’m ones g’tta do it.” Harry slurred.

Louis laughed and cuddled him tighter. What even was ‘I love you’ sex? He smiled and pressed another kiss in to his boyfriend’s shoulder. Harry really was a complete ridiculous, but then, he’d known that from the start.

•

The scenery whipped quickly passed as Harry sat quietly reading his book.

 “Harry Edward Styles, what the fuck did you do to my tumblr!!?”

Harry winced at the angry shout and ducked down further into the sofa cushions, tossing his book to the floor. Maybe if he tried to make himself very small, Louis wouldn’t find him? He lay down quietly, his movements masked by the rattle of the tour bus.

“I can see you you know,” came the voice from above him. “Hiding your face under a cushion isn't going to save you.”

Harry huffed and threw the pillow off, looking up at the slightly irritated eyes of his boyfriend. “You have a secret tumblr,” he grumbled. _Offence is the best defense. Make him feel guilty._

“I know I do.” Louis didn’t seem to be cooperating. “The question is how do you?”

Harry pouted. He wasn't going to let Louis make him feel guilty for this. Louis had a _secret_ tumblr, and if that wasn't bad enough, he hadn't even been using it properly. What was the point of having an account that Simon didn't know about if he wasn't going to use it properly??

“You always leave it logged in on my iPad.” Harry said testily, trying not to look guilty. If Louis hadn't wanted to be found out he should have been more careful. It was inevitable really. Harry was bound to find it.

Blue eyes looked a little puzzled. “I didn't know you ever looked at tumblr.”

Harry raised an eyebrow in what he hoped was a judgmental way. “You see, this sort of thinking is why you didn't know you were famous.”

Louis picked up Harry's legs from the sofa and plonked himself down, lowering them back into his lap. “No.” He sighed heavily. “My mother, Niall, and Stan conspiring against me is the reason I didn't know I was famous…”

The bus bumped harshly over what Harry hoped was a speed bump and not some poor Norewgian’s cat. Louis gritted his teeth together and took a deep breath. He wasn't the best traveler, Harry had noticed, but he was getting better.

“Promise me you'll never fight with Niall again.” Harry interrupted, taking advantage of Louis’ pause to attempt to divert the conversation. The week Louis had spent not talking to his best friends had been exhausting for everyone involved. Who knew Niall could get so emotional? The entire crew had been very much relieved to get their happy Irish lad back.

Unfortunately though it seemed Louis wasn't going to be distracted. “… _This_ is just you trying to get away with having ruined tumblr for me”

Well that just wasn't fair. “I didn't ruin it! How did I ruin it!? If anything I made it better.”

Louis turned his head and gave Harry a stern glare. “I have 23 thousand followers Harry. 23 thousand.”

Harry honestly didn't see the problem. He shrugged as best he could whilst lying up against the arm of the sofa. “So… On Twitter you have 6 million.”

The glare got harsher. _Probably shouldn't have reminded him._

“Do you know how many I had before you got your massive paws on it Harry?”

Harry shrugged. It didn't really matter now did it?

Louis shuffled closer, sitting up underneath his thighs and leaning in close. “12 Harry. Not 12 thousand, not 12 hundred. Just 12. 12 little followers. I liked things and I listened and I watched what people were doing and no one paid attention to me. And now, 23 _thousand_ people think I know something because you decided to post a picture of yourself that no one else has seen before with my naked back in the background. And then you answered asks about it! And then you posted another!! What were you thinking?!”

Harry sat himself up quickly, taken aback by Louis’ angry tone. He folded his legs up underneath his butt and curled in on himself. He’d expected a bit of irritation, he hadn't though Louis would actually be upset…

“I'm sorry—“ he hesitated, not wanting to make things worse somehow. “The first time I was just looking for the rainbow hearts… People have them on their Twitter icons… I wanted to know what they were...” He stared to the side at the dull grey wall of the bus, avoiding looking Louis in the eye. He didn't like looking at Louis’ eyes when his boyfriend was angry with him. He ducked his head. “And I keep seeing rainbow flags in my shows. There were always one or two, but there were more and more in America, and over here I keep seeing big blocks of the crowd with them.”

A hand squeezed his thigh and Harry relaxed slightly. Louis wasn't too angry then.

“And that made you want to post a picture of us?” Louis guessed.

Harry turned back to him, and was relieved to see that most of the anger was gone from his boyfriend’s face. “Have you seen it?” Harry asked, wondering if Louis really understood how much support they were getting. “The rainbowStyles people? It's amazing… they’re making safe spaces and looking out for each other and raising money… It's amazing Lou— I just wanted to give them something back… And then with Eleanor… they were sad babe, and they were doubting us, and I just wanted to reassure them.”

Harry listened to the sounds of the road for a minute as Louis sat back, presumably thinking of something to say. Harry pressed on. “I'm sorry I used your account to do it though. I should have just made my own. It's just, you already had so many followers…”

Louis made a frustrated sound. “I have followers because _you've_ been posting pictures. What if Simon finds out??Please just _think_ next time.”

Harry nodded and leant forwards to rest his head on Louis’ shoulder. That was slightly patronizing, but he wasn't going to complain if he was about to be let off the hook. “I'm sorry Lou.” He nuzzled into the warm dip where his shoulder met his neck. “Please forgive me.”

Louis gave a fond snort and tugged gently at his hair. “God your like a massive cat.”

“Mmmhmm.” Harry kissed gently at the soft skin and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. If Louis was going to make the mistake of letting him get _that_ close then he was going to have to suffer the consequences.

The other man laughed again, squirming at the attention Harry was paying to his neck. “All right then. Well, seeing as how it's already done, how about we keep it up?”

Harry grinned and darted his head back in, sucking a dark bruise into Louis’ neck. “Now there's the response I was looking for.”

“You absolute menace, you planned this!” Louis sounded like he was a dangerous mixture of fond and mad, so Harry sat back and threw his hands up.

“I didn't, I swear!” He looked down at the lumpy dark blue sofa and picked at the fabric. “Not at first anyway, but when I saw how many followers you had…”

“Because of you!”

“I didn't know that! I didn't Lou—I never thought to check how many you started with. I just looked one day and you had lots, and everyone was so positive about the picture so I thought maybe we could just… Help them along a little.”

The small grin on his boyfriends face was enough to tell him that he was forgiven. With an internal cheer Harry crawled forwards, straddling Louis’ lap and gently pulling out the phone that he'd seen poking out of the other mans pocket.

“Hold out your hand Lou?” His quiet question was immediately lost to the rumble of the bus, but Louis obviously heard, holding out his fist, palm up.

Harry gently uncurled Louis’ fingers and turned his hand over, the dark new ink of his rope tattoo stood out boldly against his tanned skin. Harry held his own hand out underneath it, angling it so that his tattoos were hidden and snapped a picture.

He smiled as he quickly cropped out his wrist tattoo and added a caption.

Louis shifted underneath him, upsetting his balance a little as the smaller man wrestled his phone back to see what he'd done.

“’My hands, your hands…’ This song isn't on your album Harry.”

Harry leant down and pressed their foreheads together. “But it will be wont it? Please say that I can use it?” He whined. “Please Louis? It’s my favourite.”

Harry saw his lips curl up and knew he’d won. “When have I ever denied you anything?”

“Plenty of times.” Harry pouted.

He was jostled slightly as Louis laughed. “Well you’re a pretty high maintenance pop star, but just this once, you can get your way.”

Harry beamed, loosing control of his face entirely. “Thank you Lou. It really is my favourite you know, it’s perfect. It’s exactly what love should be… and when they hear it we’ll already be out, and they’ll know that all the photos were us…. It's-.”

He was interrupted by Louis mouth crushing against his own.

_…perfect._ His brain finished happily.

•

And it was perfect. Or, as perfect as things could be given the circumstances, Louis thought.

The weeks blew by, much faster than they had any right to in Louis’ opinion, and Harry’s cautious steps out of the closet sent their fans into overdrive, sharing theories and analysis and guesses of when the big day would finally be.

There was even a poll… Louis had wanted to enter but Harry wouldn’t let him.

He and Eleanor had fallen into an uneasy truce, with Harry largely ignoring her. Louis was pretty sure that the kiss they’d been forced to share had safely broken any hesitant friendship that they might have been building. Still, Louis’ stony face and obvious discomfort in the pictures seemed to cheer up the Larry shippers.

Louis and Harry were now taking it in turns to tweet hints for the fans, warning them when the ‘girlfriend’ would be around, and Louis was making sure to give the fandom little nudges when necessary with his secret tumblr.

So basically, small things aside, Louis was having the time of his life. As, apparently was Harry.

Of course, the happiest of them all seemed to be Niall, who was gleefully trolling his 4 million fans with behind the scenes pictures, often with their blurry figures looking slightly suspicious in the background. In fact, Niall had gotten so bad that Simon had stepped in and given one of his many assistants the passwords to Niall’s twitter. Now every time he posted something a little too revealing he suddenly find it missing, several minutes later.

Louis would have been exceptionally pissed if this were him… Simon had tried to hijack his twitter once, and Louis had responded so forcefully that the PR guru had actually backed off. Louis was not-so-secretly proud of that.

“Mate, I’m bored.” Niall was leaning his head back on the sofa and looking across at him with drooping eyes. The room the Irish-man was sharing with Liam was comfortable, but it didn’t provide much in the way of entertainment. Still, they were only there for a few days whilst Harry had a slew of meetings and then they’d be back to the tour. Louis had been looking forwards to their weeklong break for days, but now that it was here he was suddenly finding himself, well… bored. Apparently he’d acclimatised a little too well to the touring lifestyle.

Louis put away his phone from where he’d been trying to jot down lyrics and decided to concede defeat. His mind was wondering too much today anyway.

“Harry should be back soon.” He glanced at the time. Actually, Harry should have already been back, but he was probably just talking to Liam so Louis wasn’t worried.

“Oh great,” Niall huffed. “So the two of you can go off together and have sex whilst I stay here alone having to listen to it through the wall.”

Louis raised an eyebrow. “You’re welcome to come and listen in the room if that helps?”

He ducked the pillow that Niall threw at him, laughing. “No? Ok then, but don’t say I didn’t offer.”

“You two are disgusting. I can’t believe I ever supported your love.”

Louis grinned, and was about to retaliate when the door to their hotel room suddenly banged open, and an extremely flushed, out of breath Liam staggered in.

“Is he… here?” He gasped. “Is he?”

Louis looked over at his blonde friend who shook his head, looking equally puzzled.

“Liam mate, what’s wrong?” Niall asked cautiously. “Who do you need?”

Liam shook his head, his face red. “Harry… Where’s… Harry.”

Louis frowned, ignoring the sudden twist in his stomach. _Harry’s fine._ “Liam what happened?”

Finally catching his breath, Liam seemed to slowly pull himself together. “He ran out of the meeting. I tried to catch him, but I don’t know where he went… And then I saw the pictures… I tried your room but no one answered…”

Louis was starting to feel a little desperate, and more than a little worried. “Liam.” He said firmly. “Start from the beginning, tell us what’s going on so we can help.”

Liam nodded his brown head. “Ok. Yeah.” He shut his eyes. “So you know we had meetings all morning with the label to sort out the next round of merchandising?” Louis nodded, and caught Niall doing the same. “Well about half way through, Harry looks at something on his phone and just runs out of the meeting!”

Louis heart sped up. “But that must have been hours ago…”

Liam nodded. “It was. So I tried to follow him, but he drove away…”

“He left without you?” Niall interrupted. Louis shot him a glare.

“Yeah, he just left, just like that. So I tried to call him a bunch of times but he’s switched his phone off."

“ _Shit._ ” Niall and Louis chorused together. Harry _never_ switched his phone off.

Louis went to his own phone and pulled up his boyfriend’s details, pressing the call button immediately. It didn’t even ring before it went to answerphone. “ _Shit!_ ” He cursed, sending a quick text asking Harry if he was ok, just in case he switched it back on.

“What the fuck happened Liam!!?”

Liam sighed heavily. “So I was about to go look for him when Zayn called.”

“Zayn called you?”

“Yeah, we actually know each other pretty well,” Liam shook his head. “Not the point. He called to ask if I’d seen the pictures.”

Creeping dread slowly eclipsed the worry that Louis was feeling. “What pictures?” He asked quietly.

Liam’s voice when he spoke, was soft. “I’m so sorry Louis. There was a camera in one of the lifts at Saas Fee… an employee took the film. They’ve only released stills so far, but it’s enough…”

“Show me?” Louis’ world zeroed in on the small black phone in Liam’s hand as he passed it over.

“They aren’t bad… but it’s pretty obvious who it is… The problem is that these were taken in Saas Fee…”

The dread sent a second wave that made him shiver slightly. “In February” he whispered.

He looked down at the grainy pictures—there was a whole series of them. At first, it wasn’t even possible to tell who it was, just two mysterious men having what looked to be an extremely heated make out session… but the pictures of them getting out of the lift… well there was no question who they both were.

_Oh god Harry._

Louis hunched over, panic punching into him. All of the planning, all of the seeding… Harry would be ruined… They both would be. The fans would know they’d lied—had been lying all this time.

He took a few deep breaths. He would probably be ok. He wasn’t as close to his fans as Harry-- he hadn’t really had the time. Besides, his career wasn’t reliant on public opinion, whatever Simon said. He would be ok.

But Harry…

_Oh god Harry._

His brain looped. Harry would be _devastated_. His fans were so important to him… for them to feel betrayed like that would surely be more than Harry could bear.

Louis jumped up suddenly, adrenaline chasing away his own worries and giving him purpose.

“We have to find Harry.”

He looked over to where Liam was standing in the doorway, nervously wringing his hands together. The other man nodded, eyes wider than Louis had ever seen them. He turned to Niall, who was sitting on the sofa still with his mouth hanging open. “Niall?”

Another nod.

Louis rushed forwards, thankful for Liam’s quick jump out of his way and headed down the corridor to their shared hotel room. Niall and Liam caught up as he fiddled with the key.

He shut his eyes and pushed open the door—the quiet curses around him were enough to know the outcome. When he opened his eyes, he wasn’t surprised to find Harry’s side of the room completely cleared out.

“I’m so sorry Louis.” Liam whispered.

He felt a pressure on his shoulder and turned to see Niall leaning on him in shock. “He’s gone? …I don’t understand. He wouldn’t leave you… He wouldn’t…”

Louis stared around the half empty room again, before stepping back out and quietly closing the door. A strange sense of calm purpose had filled him.

Harry hadn’t left him. He wouldn’t. Because however hard he sometimes found it to believe… of this one thing, Louis was absolutely certain – Harry Edward Styles loved him. And he would not leave him. Not like this.

So Harry hadn’t left him, which meant that Harry was just missing. Harry was lost, even if it was just in his own head…

“What do we do?” Niall asked, still whispering.

…and if Harry was lost in his own head, then he needed an expert. 

“We find him.” Louis said firmly. “We find him, and we work out how we’re going to fix this. Together.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're nearly there then. One chapter left. Thank you so, so much for reading this far. All the love. He He.


	10. Back to the start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where it all ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: depictions of a panic attack.

“He’s not with Ed, Nick or James.” Zayn burst into the room where Louis was coordinating the search, panting a little and more dishevelled than Louis had actually seen him before.

Louis nodded. It had been a long shot anyway. He went back to his list and crossed off the names, carefully pushing back the steadily increasing panic. So far Harry had been MIA for over 3 hours – one of which Liam and Zayn had spent freaking out and apparently doing absolutely nothing constructive.

With every passing hour Louis was widening his search to include new people that Harry could have reached by car – assuming that he hadn’t made it to an airport, but Louis was betting that he would be staying under the radar if possible, and that meant no busy public places. The map that Liam had picked up was spread out over the king sized bed, covered in large red X’s and circles. He got out his red marker and scribbled out all of London. They’d tried everyone they could collectively think of in the city-- if Harry was still there, they weren’t going to find him. He wasn’t with friends, he wasn’t at his flat, the recording studio and rehearsal spaces were empty…  Louis had everyone he could think of poised to call the second the pop star showed up, but that was the best he could do. 

“We’re done with London then.” He looked up at Zayn, who was still standing to attention in the doorway, waiting to be sent out again.

“What’s my next stop?”

Louis smiled tightly but genuinely. “You’ve done good mate, you can take a break for a few minutes. Liam’ll be back from the studio in a second and Niall’s in his room on the phone.” He looked at his watch – 3 hours 25 minutes. “We need to regroup and widen the search again.”

Zayn sank exhaustedly onto the bed and shook his head. “That boy has too many friends.”

They sat in tense silence for a while as Louis drew another rough circle on the map and started noting down the major towns. Both of them jumped as a tired looking Liam jogged in.

“Any news?”

Louis kept his head down as Zayn filled him in, glancing up only when the bed dipped as Liam flopped down between them. There was silence again as he scanned the map.

“We’re widening the search,” he said finally, “Liam, who does he know in Shrewsbury?”

Louis frowned as Liam’s big hand grabbed his wrist where he’d started jotting down the smaller towns. “Louis stop,” the other man said gently, “he’s had nearly four hours, he could be anywhere.”

Louis shook his head in irritation. “No, he must have taken at least half an hour to come here and get his clothes. He can only get so far.”

Liam shook his head again, the grip on Louis’ wrists was getting a little tight. “Louis, no. He probably went straight to the airport. He could be anywhere. It would explain why his phone’s off.”

Louis tugged his hands free and sat up straight, glaring at his stressed friend. “Well if he’s on a plane then we can’t find him. So how about we go back to looking where we actually _can_?”

Liam’s big brown eyes were wide and worried, and Louis glared harder. They were all dealing with this the best way they could. He was doing his _best_. “Look Liam. I need to at least _try_ to find him. I’m not going to just sit here worrying. I have to _do_ something.”

Liam sighed heavily and nodded, smiling faintly at Zayn who patted the tour manager on the shoulder. “Ok then,” he relented, refusing to rise to Louis’ anger and turning to the large map. “Did you include the tunnel? He could definitely have reached there by now and he has friends in France…”

“Don’t bother!” Niall came running in, red-faced and waving his phone. ”I’ve got him!!”

Louis opened his mouth but was drowned out as Liam and Zayn began rapidly firing questions at the frazzled looking man.

“Where--”

“How did you--”

“Is he ok?”

“Niall!”

The blonde shook his head, looking more panicked by the second.

“Niall! Where did you find him?”

“Who’s he with?”

“Where…”

“SHUT UP!!!” Louis finally found his voice, shouting angrily.

Zayn and Liam trailed off looking as fractious as Louis felt, and he was reminded suddenly of just how much they all cared for his ridiculous boyfriend.

Niall nodded in thanks and bounced anxiously on his toes. “His mother text me. He’s just walked in. He’s at home.”

Louis shook his head in confusion and looked at their map. “He can’t have… it’s too far… he hasn’t had time.”

Niall shrugged. “Well I guess google directions doesn’t take into account speeding. I dunno mate, all I know is that Anne text me and he’s with her.”

The relief was so strong that Louis felt dizzy with it. One glance round the room told him that the others were just as affected. “Shit. Ok… Ok. Shit.”

He jumped up off the bed, thrown by finally having somewhere to go.

“Let’s go get him.”

The problem, Louis ruminated as he sat in the car, twitching and bouncing his knees, was that they now had over three hours of being sat still to deal with, when he was 100% certain that all four of them were drowning in adrenaline.

Louis bounced in his seat. They should never have stayed in the hotel room to search. _Of course_ Harry would have gone home. He should have headed straight out the second he knew he was missing.

Louis looked in the rear-view mirror for the millionth time in the silent car. Zayn had achieved some sort of Zen state and seemed to be somehow funnelling all of his frustration into extremely deep and highly annoying breathing. Louis turned the music up higher which gained him a sharp glare from Liam, who had insisted on driving, stating firmly that Louis was not in a reasonable state to drive. Probably it had something to do with Louis insisting that he could make it to Holmes Chapel in under 2 hours.

Niall was sat in the back biting his nails and nodding his head mindlessly to the music, occasionally checking his phone in case Anne text again. A sudden suspicion began to creep up on Louis’ restless brain.

“Niall,” he asked slowly, “how did Anne know to text you when we hadn’t gotten to calling her yet?”

Niall jolted out of his mastication – presumably swallowing the piece of shredded nail he’d been working on, _eww_ \- and met his eyes in the mirror. The blonde frowned. “I called her first.” He shrugged. “They talk a lot… I figured the chances of him going home were pretty good.”

Louis narrowed his eyes, “and how did you get her number?”

Niall was still frowning, apparently unaware of where this was going. “Umm, I dunno mate, Harry gave it to me I guess? I’ve had it for ages... She’s nice, I give her updates sometimes, when Harry’s too busy.”

“And how often do you speak to her?” Louis kept his voice even.

“’bout once a week?”

“And how often do you speak to Jay?”

“’bout once a week?”

“AHA!!!” The car swung slightly as Liam jumped at Louis’ loud exclamation. “You little shit Niall! I knew it was you! How long have you been feeding information to my mum!?”

The silence from the back seat grew more pronounced as Liam discreetly turned down the music. Whatever he might say, Louis would never believe that the man didn’t love drama.

“Niall,” he growled at the Irishman who was staring resolutely out of the window, “when did you get my mum’s number?”

The blonde’s casual shrug was not fooling Louis. “Niall!” He snapped.

The man in question finally turned to meet his eyes defiantly in the mirror. “I’ve known you since you were 16 Louis, I don’t remember when I got Jay’s number.”

Louis bristled and opened his mouth to retort but Zayn had apparently decided to re-enter the waking world. “Let it go Louis,” he sighed, “why does it matter if he talks to your mom?”

“How would you like it if he was talking to your mum?!” Louis growled.

Zayn shrugged. “Pretty sure he does actually. Not sure how often, but yeah, she mentioned him once.”

Niall smiled faintly and shrugged. “What would you prefer Lou? Me updating Jay once a week or her calling you every day?”

Louis twitched in his seat, the pent up adrenaline making him short tempered and _needing_ to pick a fight with someone.

Fortunately, Liam chose that moment to weigh in. “I’d take Niall over having to explain myself to my mom all the time.”

“That’s because you have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old.” Louis retaliated, relieved to finally have someone to bicker with.

“That’s not fair Louis. I’m just saying that Niall is doing you a favour.”

“Really. So what about when he starts feeding information to your mom?“

Liam frowned, keeping his eyes on the road. “Actually I’m kind of offended that he isn’t.”

Niall opened his mouth to respond but Louis rolled right over him. “Seriously Liam?! Seiously?!!!? You want him reporting your every move to your own mother? All your darkest secrets??”

Louis glanced back into the rear view mirror and was pulled up short but cold, angry blue eyes. Niall kept eye contact when he spoke. “You know, I always thought friends were supposed to trust each other, but I guess 7 years just isn’t enough.”

_For fucks sake Horan._

Louis crossed his arms grumpily and flopped back into his seat, huffing out a sigh. “Just let me be irritated for a bit Niall, yeah? At least until we reach Harry.”

A hand snaked around his head rest and squeezed his neck. “Fine mate, you get till we reach Anne’s to be a dick, but after that I don’t want to hear any more about it.”

There were a few seconds of quiet in the car before Liam started fidgeting. “I don’t understand what just happened.” He shook his head slightly, eyes still glued to the road.

Louis pouted and burrowed further into his seat. “Niall never lets me have any fun.”

“Wait, you like arguing?” Liam was starting to get a look of dawning realization. “Oh my god Louis is that why we used to fight so much? Were you doing it on purpose??”

Despite the stress of the current situation, Louis smiled slightly at the man’s indignation.

“Let’s just s--”

“Anne just text” Niall said abruptly, putting a sudden end to the discussion.

The atmosphere in the car sharpened perceptively. “And?” Louis asked into the silence.

The blonde met his eyes in the mirror, and the last of Louis’ irritation was drowned out by a harsh rush of fear.

“It's not good.”

•

Harry sat in his childhood kitchen sipping nervously at his fourth cup of tea as his mom pottered around, preparing dinner. They’d talked a little when he’d first arrived but he wasn’t sure what he’d said, and she’d given up her questioning quickly enough. Harry suspected he’d been making no sense.

He’d gone to the hotel room first, but there had been no one there. It made sense; some alien voice told him, he was alone now. So autopilot had kicked in, taking him to safety. Taking him home.

He had no memory of how he’d got here, but he must have driven, and he smelled faintly of his mom’s flowery perfume, so there had probably been a lot of long hugs. 

The clock on the wall ticked noisily, reminding him rhythmically that _time is passing, time is passing, time in passing._

He didn’t need the reminder.

With every tick the news was spreading, more people found out, more people to feel betrayed, cross, angry. More people to hate him. He shuddered slightly, his eyes watering.

More people to know that him and Louis… him and Louis…

_Louis._

His brain stopped again as another wave of panic sent him choking into his tea. Why was the air so warm in here? It felt thick. He didn’t like it. It made him anxious.

Harry wasn’t sure how many hours he’d been sitting there. A few, he suspected. Sometimes hazy thoughts would come and leave him shaking without any clear notion of what they were. Sometimes he would start a conversation with his mom, only to immediately trail off as he lost the thoughts. His eyes were wet, but he wasn’t crying. He didn’t think he had cried yet, but he wasn’t sure. A grey nothingness blanketed his mind and filled his ears with a muffled hum. He was disconnected from himself, struggling to feel the table beneath his elbows, to suck the syrupy air into his lungs. A tightening panic twisted his throat as some primal fear started shouting that this _wasn’t ok_. He _needed_ to breathe.

The soft buzz of his mom’s phone grounded him briefly, thinning the air a little, until he realized she was heading for the front door.

He nodded compulsively as she left. That was it then. Everyone was gone.

He wheezed as the air thickened once more, the kitchen slowly fading. His throat twisted harder, his stomach clenched. He was choking. 

Everyone was gone because he’d lied. He’d let them all down. Dark spots began to dance across his vision, turning into angry faces. Angry faces saying angry words. He blinked but the faces only got clearer. The fear washed up and over him, tightening everything it touched. Twisting and gagging. He was _choking_.

The angry words were impossibly loud, like sirens in his head, blending into a senseless buzz.

He thought for a second that there might be meaning to them, but he couldn’t grasp it.

The dark spots kept dancing as snippets of conversation trickled though.

“…having a panic attack”

“…d’… think so.. he’s been like this for hours.”

“…what… do…?”

“-tting worse?”

“…arry?”

“Harry?”

“Harry?”

The faces faded in and out, but there was something… some clear voice… quieter than the rest. He tried to hang on to it…

“-rry…”

“OK-”

Something firm pushed his chin up until his vision was filled with clear blue eyes. Blue and sharp, like ice… like water… like _air._ He desperately kept his focus on the blue. He needed to… He needed… Blue…

There was a hand on his chest, and more of those gentle words but he still couldn’t work them out. The hand tangled in his shirt, reminding him that he was here, that the faces that danced and swam weren’t there – weren’t _real_. _This_ was real. These blue eyes. This hand.

His own hand was pulled up and pressed against a firm chest, his fingers carefully uncurled. He could feel it moving up and down, over and over.

“-atch” The voice persisted.

“Match…”

“-arry… Match.”

_Match._

Harry could do nothing but obey. He pulled in more of the thick air, following the rise and fall of the chest, trying his best to match it, concentrating on nothing else as his head began to throb.

His other hand was taken and pressed against the table, the chair, the mug, the table.

He was in the kitchen he remembered, taking another breath in time with the chest. His hand was lifted again; the table, the chair, the mug. He took another breath.

The voice kept on. It felt familiar. Soothing. Safe. Every now and then he would catch a word.

“-real-”

“-here-”

“-Harry-”

The angry faces were going away, and the other voices drowned out by soft words, fading out as the kitchen faded back in, replaced by familiar chairs and strong blue eyes. He took a breath.

His hand was moved once more, this time to the face in front on him, to the neck. He felt a steady pulse under his fingers.

He remembered those blue eyes, he remembered them looking like this before.

He choked around his words, but they were there, he could hear them, “…-lue.”

He took another breath, sharper this time as sounds began to rush back.

“You’re doing so well Harry,” the voice kept on “so good. You’re in the kitchen… see? Can you feel the table? Can you feel my chest? Just match your breathing to it, in… and out… you’re doing so well Harry, so well. There’s nothing to worry about here, you’re ok. You’re at home, you’re safe.”

“Blue.” He repeated more firmly. Because he knew this. He’d been here before. He took a shuddering breath and saw blue eyes in the snow; the beautiful snowboarder he’d knocked off the lift all those months ago.

The kitchen came into focus as the numbness finally pushed back, leaving sharp pains in his head as a reminder. He bared his teeth, more a grimace than a grin, but he was trying.

“Blue.” He panted. “In th’… snow.”

Louis was knelt in front of him, and Harry saw clearly the moment of realization. The blue-eyed man laughed suddenly, and perhaps a little hysterically. “Are you having a panic attack?” he asked, his eyes wide and relieved.

Harry shook his head “’m not panicking.” He took another breath, easier than the last.

“You sure?” Louis whispered.

Harry gasped out a sob and flopped forwards, burying his face into his boyfriends warm neck. “D’nt have panic attacks.” He finished, blinking at the tears that were finally starting to fall.

“I know Haz, I know.” Came the soft voice. “You’re ok now. I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re ok.”

Strong arms pulled him down off the chair as he gave into the tears.

•

Louis sat back in an overstuffed armchair, his hands bracketing Harry who was perched between his knees. He reached up and pulled his boyfriend back against him, rubbing gently at his arms.

The five of them sat in strained silence whilst Anne finished up the dinner. Harry had finally calmed down and was claiming to be feeling much better, but Louis wasn’t fooled. This was an enormous strain on the pop star. They needed to come up with something fast. As much as Harry was trying to relax, Louis could still feel a faint trembling going through him, and his shoulders when Louis’ hands moved up were knotted with tension. He kneaded gently at them, getting a small sigh in return.

“I’m sorry-” Liam started, and Louis didn’t actually need to hear the rest to know what he was going to say. “I really think we need to call Simon.”

Louis kept his voice level, trying not to spook the man in his lap. “We will Liam, we will. We just need a bit of a chance to think this all through first.” His hands moved down to where Harry’s back rested against his chest, fitting his hands awkwardly between them and pressing at the tight muscle.

Liam was frowning where he sat on the sofa next to a blank-faced Niall, occasionally reaching mindlessly towards his pocket where Louis knew he was keeping his phone. He wouldn’t use it though, not without Harry’s blessing.

Louis smiled tiredly at his three friends as he moved his hands down further, pressing his thumbs into his boyfriend’s lower back. Once Harry had stopped clinging to him quite so desperately, Louis had moved the two of them to the living room, and had been unsurprised when Zayn had quickly vacated the large armchair and dropped gracefully to the floor, sitting between Liam and Niall’s legs. All five of them were still struggling to adjust to the events of the day, but whatever disasters were up ahead; Louis knew that these boys would go to the ends of the earth for Harry.

“But what can we do?” Zayn’s voice was slow and measured when he spoke. “We can’t exactly take it back; it’s obvious that it’s you two.”

“It doesn’t… I don’t…” Harry’s voice was rough when he spoke, and despite straining to hear it, all four of them jumped in surprise. He cleared his throat. “I mean, it doesn’t matter that they’ve seen us together.”

Louis nodded along. “Harry’s right. We only have three months left before everything was going public anyway. Management’s probably pissed, but they’d get over it if the fans were ok. It’s just…”

“…the pictures are from February.” Liam finished, hanging his head.

The silence dragged on for a few minutes as everyone studied the carpet.

 _We need to call Simon._ Louis finally admitted to himself, nodding a little with the thought. He moved his hands back up and gave Harry’s shoulders one final squeeze.

“Time to call Simon then.” He pulled out his phone.

“Wait!” Louis frowned up at Niall, who was holding his hand out with a slightly manic look on his face. “You said the pictures are only a problem because they were taken in February?”

Louis nodded slowly. The fans were getting used to Harry liking men; it’d been introduced slowly enough that it wouldn’t be a surprise. Harry being gay wasn’t going to lose too many fans. Harry lying for nearly 7 months on the other hand…

“Well what if they weren’t taken in February?”

Louis pulled up Simon’s number on his phone, shaking his head. “But they were taken in February.”

“No!” Louis startled so hard at Niall’s shout that he dropped his phone. “Where have you been for the last two days Lou?”

Louis shook his head in irritation, Niall was talking nonsense again. “In the hotel Niall. You were there. Remember?”

“For fucks sake Lou, no! Where have you been for the past two days??”

Louis stared at his friend trying desperately to work out what he was trying to say, but it was Harry who got there first, “…in Saas Fee…” the taller man pulled himself forwards slowly, his voice rising in excitement. “That’s where we’ve been. In Saas Fee!”

Harry spun round, and Louis’ stomach clenched uncomfortably at the look of desperation in his boyfriend’s face. He so, so didn’t want to be the one to crush that hope but… “You’ve been out love, people will have seen you.”

Harry shook his head, “no, no they didn’t. I’ve only gone to the label, the garages are inside, no one saw me, I haven’t met any fans… At least, not since yesterday morning, and the pictures could have been from last night!”

“The hotel staff have seen us Harry.”

There was a choked sound, and Louis looked over to the sofa where Zayn was now leaning forwards looking excited. “They won’t tell… they won’t. It’s bad for business.”

Louis scoffed. “Saas fee told, and they’ll probably tell again.”

This time it was Liam who jumped up, and Louis wanted so badly to stop this from snowballing before they all got their hopes crushed. “No! Simon phoned me when Harry switched his phone off. Apparently it was just one employee who copied the video for… uhh… personal use… she sent the stills to a friend who sent them to another friend… The hotel’s really upset apparently. She agreed to delete the video.”

Louis shook his head, starting to feel desperate. “This is stupid, we can’t convince people that those pictures were taken last night. Too many people know the truth.”

“But it doesn’t matter does it.” Niall was leaning forwards in his chair, his eyes shining. “How many people know the two of you are together? It’s a shit tonne Lou, you aren’t exactly subtle, but the fans believe what press tell them. I hate to be a dick, but this is a numbers game. Tell the public that they were taken now, so what if a few hundred people know the truth?”

“But they won’t believe it…” Louis tried weakly.

Niall nodded, “some of them won’t yeah. But most of them will Lou. They will. People believe what they want to believe, they won’t _want_ to know that you’ve been lying to them. Give them an alternative and they’ll take it!”

“Shit.” Louis whispered, hope starting to bloom in his chest. He looked up to where Harry was still twisted uncomfortably in his lap, still looking so desperate.

“We need to call Simon.”

Harry nodded.

•

The hurried snip, snip, snip of scissors was the only sound in the room. Harry frowned over at Louis as he fidgeted nervously; his boyfriend wore a remarkable combination of expressions, somehow managing to convey dazed, slightly confused, and extremely angry, effortlessly.

“You still look hot babe,” Harry said with a sudden wild grin, “even with crap hair.”

Louis smiled gently, and Harry’s chest ached with a wash of gratitude that he hadn't been teased back. He shut his eyes for a second, trying to relax his grin into something more natural, and shaking his hands in a futile attempt to dispel the buzzing under his skin. Having no purpose was not helping him to settle down.

A loud snort sent him spinning round to where Zayn lay sleeping on the sofa. If Harry didn’t know any better, he would just assume the man was drugging himself to stay so calm all the time. As it was Harry honestly had no idea how he managed it, but right now he was pretty envious. Still, he didn’t think he would ever get across just how much it meant to him that these four had tried so hard to find him, and were still staying by his side through it all.

He looked back over to where their emergency hairdresser was just finishing off, glancing back and forth between her masterpiece and one of Harry’s own holiday photos of his boyfriend. The hair was the easiest thing to fix, even if Louis didn't like it. They were both just lucky that they were going from long to short and not the other way around. Harry smiled a little at the thought of Louis sitting through extensions and almost wished that he’d gotten to see it.

And some higher power had seriously been looking out for them all those months ago when both of them had worn long sleeves to dinner. Getting a little hair cut was nothing compared to spending the evening having a tattoo removed.

He jumped slightly as Niall came up behind him and gave his shoulders a squeeze. “Nearly there mate. How are you holding up?”

Harry turned to blonde, his face falling back into something that he suspected still looked a little unbalanced. Somehow, the day had gone from ‘huge disaster’ to ‘might be ok’ to ‘the label isn't suing and you're coming out tomorrow’, and Harry could not get his head around it. His stomach rolled and churned, but it was a welcome change from the roaring numbness followed by choking fear and blinding panic that had hit him earlier. Plus, the shaking had finally stopped, and his shoulders still tingled from where Louis had tried to work some of the tension out, so that was good. Physically, he was probably fine.

His head on the other hand, was a mess. His thoughts came and went sluggishly, often grinding to a halt in a way that left him confused. He felt worn, empty, useless…

But it was getting better, he thought. Slowly. With every victory that Simon managed – getting the label to agree to Niall’s plan, getting the hotel staff to sign NDAs – his thoughts cleared a little. Every time that Liam came in and told him more news – the hotel in Saas Fee had rooms free, they would go along with it, they could leave tonight – his world stabilized a little more. And every time that he looked over at Louis, he remembered what this was all for, and that his friends would all be here for him however it worked out.

He shook his head. “I'm pretty sure you're going to be using this to get your way for at least a year, but other than that I think I’m going to be ok.” The blonde nodded.

“Thanks though.” Harry added on quietly, and patted his friend on the arm. He bounced on his toes a few times noting the buzzing in his feet and shook out his legs in a way that did absolutely nothing to relieve the discomfort and, he suspected, made him look like a slightly confused foal.

Niall slapped him on the back as he dropped himself into the armchair. “Try the next decade mate.” The tired Irishman leaned his head back and shut his eyes, sighing heavily.

Harry bounced one last time and went over to the sofa, finally feeling some of the exhaustion that lent a fine trembling to his whole body, and squirming as his stomach continued its acrobatics. It was ok, he reminded himself, it was all going to be ok. He should be grateful really, that all this was happening with so little damage to his own reputation (hopefully). Poor Louis wasn't getting off so lightly. Simon was prepared to claim that the song writer had recently split from his girlfriend, but she’d been seen out with them just a week ago, so it was going to have to be _very_ recent. And besides that, there’d been no seeding for Louis. Nothing.

Harry buried his head in his hands and tugged sharply on his hair, trying not to think of it anymore. It could have been so much worse. And at least Louis’ job didn't rely on the public liking him. It wasn't like it was all that common for writers to be in the public eye.

Someone else walked into the room and Harry waited to hear if it was his mum or Liam. The buzzing was up in his scalp now – he tugged at his hair again and growled in frustration.

“All done with the hotel.” Liam’s steady voice cut through Harry’s irritation, distracting him slightly. “The manager’s been briefed; she seemed pretty happy about our solution, it makes them look better if we show up there and take a few pictures – no hard feelings and all that.”

Liam had been on and off the phone for hours as afternoon turned rapidly to evening, talking to Simon, the hotel, the airport, Simon, Harry’s P.A., Simon. Harry honestly didn’t know how he had existed before his tour manager had come along, and he daren’t think about what he would do if Liam ever left. _Probably miss all my appointments, never leave the house, and have to talk to Simon a lot more._

His closest friend and personal saviour sighed and eased slowly onto the sofa, carefully squeezing in between Harry and a miraculously still sleeping Zayn. “We should be all set. There’s a car waiting outside – as soon as Lou’s hair’s done we’re heading to the airport. The staff at Manchester have been told that a VIP’s flying out and we’ve a private plane waiting, they should be able to sneak us out to it, and only two staff members and the pilot will know who you are.”

Harry nodded along, trying to take it all in. So there was another positive – he tugged his hair harder as the buzzing continued – apparently he was James Bond now.

It was Liam who reached out and carefully pulled his hands from his head. “There’s a small airport in Sion that accepts private planes, so we should be fine there, and the staff have a car waiting that can take us all the way to the hotel… I think we can do it Haz. I really do. We just have to get you into the hotel, fake some fan pictures from this morning and last night and you’re in the clear.” He said quietly.

“As long as the fans buy it.” Louis interrupted, sounding almost as close to breaking as Harry felt.

Liam nodded and squeezed Harry’s hands. “Simon thinks they will. He’s preparing a statement to send to the papers for tomorrow morning, he just needs the new pictures.”

Harry stayed quiet as Louis thanked the hairdresser and walked her to the door. She was a family friend of the Styles’, and Harry at least knew that _she_ wouldn’t talk.

Louis walked back in and crossed his arms over his chest. “And what’d Simon decide on?”

Liam hesitated for a second, making Harry squirm. _Just tell us_. “He’s going to say that you got together yesterday… Apparently, you and El broke up last week so _we_ all decided to take a skiing weekend – well, mid-week-weekend – to cheer you up.”

Harry frowned, feeling a little indignant. “So I took advantage of him when he was upset then?”

Liam bumped him with his shoulder. “No mate, apparently you’ve been really supportive of his relationship – no funny business – but you being so open about guys made Lou question himself. Apparently him and El fought a lot, which is why he always looked so grumpy when she was around.”

Harry snorted. “Yeah, that was why.”

Liam smiled weakly. “Well it’s sort of true at least, neither of you liked her much-- Anyway, so Lou and El broke up – it was mutual apparently – and the two of you got together.”

Louis jumped in again, walking up to lean on the back of Niall’s chair. “Just like that? I went from straight and dating a girl to full on in-love make-outs with Harry in what, five days?”

“I don’t know what to tell you Lou.” Liam shook his head. “I haven’t seen the article, but I’m pretty sure Simon is going to try to spin the ‘I’m only gay for you’ angle. Plus, I don’t think love was on your mind when you were on him in that lift. It doesn’t look like it anyway.”

Harry would probably smile at the way Liam was blushing, he thought, if his brain wasn’t quite so itchy. But Louis wasn’t smiling either, so probably that was a good thing. He shuffled around in his seat in agitation before getting to his feet and bouncing on his toes again.

This time it was Niall who jumped up with him and rubbed a soothing hand down his arm. “Look on the bright side Hazza,” the man grinned, and Harry felt something ease in his chest. If Niall was smiling, then maybe it really would be ok. “You just started your relationship, and you know what that means!”

Harry shook his head in confusion, but was surprised to see a slow smile spreading on his boyfriend’s face. “It means…” Louis gave him a look that made his stomach turn over, for once with something other than anxiety (and at least _that_ was still working). “It means, that we have to be as disgustingly all over each other as we can possibly manage. It means that we have to make out like we’ve been wanting to touch each other for seven months and haven’t been able to. Like we’re starved for it. Like it hurts.”

 _Oh._ Harry’s stomach clenched again. He could do that. He could definitely do that… When his brain came back on line.

He looked round at his friends again and felt a sudden fierce gratitude for these four people who were making this happen. For the first time since he saw the pictures Harry took a proper breath.

 _This might actually work._ He thought, before breaking into a real grin.

•

Louis laughed into his boyfriend’s mouth as the photographer took snap after snap of ‘candids’. Harry was grinning broadly, poking him relentlessly in the sides and giggling at just about anything.

His mood was infectious.

His mood was probably not going to last.

Actually, Louis suspected it was almost entirely a product of massive exhaustion and equal parts relief. But for now, he would go along for the ride for as long as he could, and just make sure that he was there for the younger man the second that he crashed, which he would.

Harry giggled again, and Louis found himself pressed up against the door by strong hands, reminding him vividly of the first time that they found themselves in this place. The click of the camera also reminded him not to get too caught up in it, and he pushed Harry back a little.

_Careful love._

They were on the last of the pictures now, but Louis only knew that because the photographer had said so. He was so tired that he daren’t shut his eyes for longer than a blink. As it was, he was a little worried that he might fall asleep where he stood, pressed against the outside of their hotel room door with Harry’s warm, still weight up against his front.

Very still, now that he focused on it. There was another click.

“Hazza?” He whispered. “Sweetheart, you can’t sleep here.”

There was another giggle. “Mmm comfy.”

Louis pushed his boyfriend off him and surveyed the damage. The pop star had a small smile on his face and was giggling sporadically, but his green eyes were shut and the odd tear ran down his cheek. He didn’t seem to be actually crying or anything just—

“We need to stop now, yeah?” Louis turned to the photographer but kept his hands on Harry’s shoulders, steadily taking more weight as Harry slowly slumped forwards.

The hallway was silent as their photographer flicked though a few of his pictures, checking that he had enough. After an indeterminate time during which Louis very nearly fell asleep, he spoke in his thick German accent. “Yes ok.” The photographer nodded and leaned forwards to shake both their hands. Louis waited patiently for him to get into the lift before digging through his pockets for the room key. With one hand still on Harry, he fumbled for the door behind him and gave a grateful sigh when it finally opened.

“In we go babe.”

He pulled Harry gently through and headed towards their room. From the doorway to the left, Niall’s loud snores could be heard. Louis was only slightly jealous of the other three for getting to rest before them. Zayn had managed to sleep during their plane ride and subsequent car journey, and so he’d been the one directing them when they’d arrived at the hotel at six in the morning.

Unfortunately, Simon had needed some of the new pictures immediately for his press release (and thank goodness England was an hour behind or they wouldn’t have made it), so they’d had to push though until the PR manager was satisfied. Besides, they would be leaving tomorrow, so there was no time to waste.

Louis guided Harry gently towards the bed, but was suddenly met with resistance.

“No… N’ Lou… N’t in the room. Jus’ need s’curiy camera ‘dn fan stuff. No fans in t’ room.” Harry slurred.

Louis took a second to translate. _Not the room, only security camera footage and fan pictures._ He stroked the bigger man’s back gently and tried once more to get him down and onto the bed. “It’s ok love, we’re done with those; the photographer’s gone now.”

Harry nodded but still refused to be moved. “Mmm. K. Where’s Liam?”

“Liam’s asleep love. They’re all asleep.”

“W’ need m’re fan pict’s… Niall?”

“No love, they’re done too. Everything’s done. You can rest now.”

Louis managed to brace himself just in time as Harry flopped forwards, his head coming to rest on Louis’ shoulder. “’s finished?”

“Yeah babe, it’s finished.” This time Louis met no resistance as he pulled his boyfriend down onto the edge of the bed.

“Th’ fans know? They kno? ‘s ok?”

Louis felt his heart break a little bit as he petted Harry’s hair gently, for once certain that it could only be comforting with the state that he was in. Harry sighed happily in response. “Simon’s sent the pictures. The fans have seen them. You did it Haz, you’re out. Everything’s going to be fine and you should really let yourself sleep.”

He let go of Harry’s weight, lowering him until he was lying down and quickly pulled off the other man’s shoes, socks, and after a very brief struggle, his jeans.

“Lou?”

“I’m here babe.” Louis quickly closed the curtains that were letting the early evening sun in. They were all risking ruining their sleep schedules, but Louis was pretty confident that Harry at least would sleep through to the next morning.

“Lou. ‘m sorry…”

“You didn’t do anything babe, everything’s fine now, you just need a bit of sleep.”

“No. Lou. ‘m sorry I left. Couldn’t find you… Thought you’d gone.”

Louis quickly stripped down to his boxers and rolled Harry until he could get him under the covers. “I know love, you said, I’m sorry, I was with Niall. I know you didn’t leave me.”

“Lou?”

Louis barked out a frustrated laugh. “Hazza baby, you need to go to sleep, and so do I.” He pulled the covers up around them and wrapped himself tightly around his warm boyfriend.

“But ‘m sorry.”

“I know Haz, I know.” He leaned over and pressed a fond kiss to the silly man’s cheek.

“Lou?”

“Haz.” He deadpanned.

Light was filtering through from between the curtains and Louis could see a small smile lifting the corners of his ridiculous boyfriend’s mouth.

“Love you.”

Louis laughed and pulled him closer.

“I know that too.”

There was an irritated whine for the mess of curls now buried in the thick pillow.

Louis smiled fondly. “I love you too sweetheart. Now go to sleep.”

"Lou?" 

Louis sighed in exasperation, running his hands carefully through Harry's soft hair. He huffed out a quiet laugh. "Yes Haz?"

"Lou," Harry's hand snaked out to twine their fingers together and Louis squeezed back contentedly, "we'll tell them right? Some day, we'll tell them the truth?"

Louis smiled as something excited and hopeful leapt in his chest, and he cuddled back down into his warm sleepy boyfriend. "Yeah Haz." Maybe it wouldn't be today, and maybe not tomorrow, but they'd bought themselves time. "One day we'll tell everyone." He smiled.

"Soon?" Harry mumbled.

"One day soon. Really soon." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe we got there. It's finished.
> 
> Thank you everyone so so much for reading this far. You all mean the world to me. 
> 
> I can't believe all the shit that went down whilst I was writing this, both fandom and personal.
> 
> So onto new things xx

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found skulking around on [tumblr](http://kitundercover.tumblr.com/)


End file.
